[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

put me down for ½ dozen size 8's.

I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.

One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.

In particular, this bit:

[ATTACH]18405[/ATTACH]

What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?

Isn't Prince Albert one of the Queen of England's children with rather large ears?

I've heard they are all sex craved perverts, whores and adulterers.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Hello Brethren and Sistren,

Please join our Anti-Masturbation Group - Handz Off for JESUS!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/group.php?groupid=31

http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/anti-masturbatory-cream-2.jpg?cb5e28

Please be sure to share your stories about how you were able to refrain from self molesting while you are there!

GLORY!

Sister Thumper

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I have joined your group, and I will definitely as the fellows from G.A.P.E. if they'd be interested in holding a fundraiser in support of it.

Also, regarding these tee shirts, I'm a bit stocky, and have strangely gained a lot of weight since I quit m-ing. Do you think it might be possible to custom order one in a 3XL for me?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?

YIC

Jack

Brother, how very thoughtful of you to think of these little sinners. I would be glad to donate a box of size small to them because it's the Christian thing to do.

However, does your friend know he is wasting his time because cripples can't go to Heaven?

Anyway, let me know where to send the T-shirts.

Kind, generous and helpful,

Sister Thumper

[The Lord's Sword]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also.

How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.

[The Lord's Sword]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.

It was the pictures of those beautiful women in mini-skirts. Pray for me please.

Matthew 5:28


28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Brother Sword, get a hold of yourself! Er, I mean, get yourself under control!

Sorry I waved temptation under your nose like that, but let's look at the bright side: You proved to yourself that you were able to do the right thing!

[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.

I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.

[The Lord's Sword]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.

After my morning shower, during which I wash my nether regions with a modified back scratcher to avoid any lustful desires from entering my thoughts, I apply HandzOff brand genital anesthetic liberally to my genitals. The instructions say:

Squeeze a quarter size amount of Handzoff brand genital anesthetic into your palm and apply to genitals. CAUTION: Wear gloves to avoid hands from numbing.

I didn't wear gloves on my first application and the result was pillow biters trying to sway me from the Lord all day.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Whoa, thank you for that testimonial, Sword! Sounds like you really dodged a bullet there. Or several bullets.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.

Brother,

for immediate relief I suggest using products you may already have in your home, such as Icy Hot or rubbing some Cayenne pepper on your hand before touching your tallywhacker.

I am also aware that some of the Brothers use Dong Tongs so as not to have actual contact with their nether regions.



Helpful,

Sister Thumper

[GoldHelper]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I checked out the verses against masturbation and I know of one more. It's 1 John 3:9 Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him and he cannot sin because he has been born of God.

[GoldHelper]

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I'm actually not sure what to make of it exactly, I just know it's against masturbation and my current pastor doesn't seem to want to confirm that for me. It's troubling really. I'm sure God gave me that verse, but all the commentaries I've looked up don't seem to say the obvious. That it's talking about masturbation. The greek word for seed there is sperma, so yeah, I'm sure it's talking about that.