[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please don't do that!!!
If I send you a 'heathen tithe', will that save the kitten?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Missy, you may get on your knobby knees and pray to JESUS. Otherwise, it's curtains. But of course, converting to Christianity is purely a personal choice. No coercion of any kind is EVER allowed in our church.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Please don't kill the poor defenceless kitten just because I'm a heathen! How is that the kitten's fault?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Please accept the proper amount of guilt appropriate for a woman. Of course everything is your fault.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Well I don't want the kitten to die!! What can I do!! If I tell Ching Lee that I want to eat it, would she give it to me (alive)?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Well I don't want the kitten to die!! What can I do!! If I tell Ching Lee that I want to eat it, would she give it to me (alive)?

Why would that heathen Ching Lee give away a tender morsel like that if I ever gave it to her? You may deal directly with Sister Thumper for your conversion to Christianity. I won't have any demonic cats in my GODLY home!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

But I don't want to convert!! I don't want to get a lobotomy!! And that's what seems to happen to everyone who does!!

And besides, I'm a heathen. Heathen heathen heathen.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

But I don't want to convert!! I don't want to get a lobotomy!! And that's what seems to happen to everyone who does!!

Don't be silly. You are thinking of some 50's movie in which people went to sleep and woke up dead. 'The Body snatchers' I believe it was called. Complete fantasy. Christianity is nothing like that at all. We are like Robin Hood's merry men of Sherwood forest (except not gay), who romp and play nicely with everyone.....except mudslums, homers and witches, whom we kill in JESUS' name, Amen.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Bah. I know what your intentions were when you invited Lilith over to Landover for a friendly chat.
What would be any different here?

[lilith]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Bah. I know what your intentions were when you invited Lilith over to Landover for a friendly chat.
What would be any different here?

Don't fall for it Rachael. The "friendly chat" equates in what passes for the christian mind with hours & hours of dreary hymn singing & praying. If the sheer monotony of it fails to wear you down,they bring out the electrodes & heavy duty chemicals.
Had it not been for a hollowed out bible containing...um..sustenance,smuggled in by someone who shall remain nameless & the heroic efforts of TCFH,I would never have survived the dreadful experience.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Bah. I know what your intentions were when you invited Lilith over to Landover for a friendly chat.
What would be any different here?

It probably wouldn't take as much electricity for you.

[Enobarbus]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

NOO!!!!! Don't eat the kitten!!!! Would you really eat it? You wouldn't eat it, would you?

Why not? How many chinese restaurants have you had chicken or pork chop suey at? It is nearly always cat. A raid on one of he heathen chink restaurants in Christchurch, New Zealand, resulted in the police confiscating the carcasses of 15 dead kitties.

[Enobarbus]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Don't fall for it Rachael. The "friendly chat" equates in what passes for the christian mind with hours & hours of dreary hymn singing & praying. If the sheer monotony of it fails to wear you down,they bring out the electrodes & heavy duty chemicals.
Had it not been for a hollowed out bible containing...um..sustenance,smuggled in by someone who shall remain nameless & the heroic efforts of TCFH,I would never have survived the dreadful experience.

I have given you two infraction points for writing a post of more than one line. This is so out of character that it is likely to cause consternation and perturbation amongst the members. What are you up to?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

NOO!!!!! Don't eat the kitten!!!! Would you really eat it? You wouldn't eat it, would you?

I'd eat it in a New York second. And so would you if you were rational about it. Meat is meat, and the Good Lord wants us to eat plenty of it. There are bazillions of cats in the world; a few on my BBQ grill won't hurt anyone.

I cannot think of an animal that I wouldn't eat. Praise Jesus.

[Glendora Christianson]

Beer Can Cat Recipe

Beer Can Cat

1 Cat
1 Can of beer (any brand)
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground pepper
1/2 tsp chili powder

Mix spices and rub over cat. Drink half the can of beer and then place beer can into rear of cat and stand cat tripod-like on BBQ. Rotate in 15 minutes. Cook for a total of 30 minutes.