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JESUS IS A GRANOLA EATING, SURFING, HIPPIE!!! HE HAS A MESSAGE!
This is all true! Every word of it!
I had an EXTREMELY vivid dream (practically a vision) where i was on the beach in what appeared to be Bermuda just hanging out, when HE came. He had dreadlocks, a surfboard, and had that Jesus fish symbol tattooed to his arm "Hey Philip! whats up?" he said. im all like "nothing much, my girlfriend dumped me on my ass the other day after i told her i was Agnostic and not a full blown christian like her.. ...that sucked" then Jesus is like "DUDE bummer! y'know Philip you haven't been worshiping or praying to me much, and you know what? I dont blame you, i probably wouldnt believe in me either dude !" im like "REALLY?" and he says "Yeah really, and y'know what? id rather NOT have 3 billion people complain to me about really stupid and selfish problems, like oh heres a good one from this morning 'JESUS WHERES MY F***KING NINTENDO WII!! I F***KING ASKED YOU YESTERDAY YOU F***KING LYING ASS SKANK!!! YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!' Im like "WHA? people seriously treat you like that? you need a vacation!" hes like "Why in my dads name you think I'm here? my dad decided to take over both shifts while i was down here for the weekend" "well that's nice of him" i said. Hes like "Yeah I guess so...Actually Philip there was something VERY important i need to tell you. i say "What?" then hes like "Me and my father are leaving. " "I dont understand why?"
"Me and my dad realized we failed once again at creating the perfect beings, you humans are too hateful, bloodthirsty, bigoted, greedy and savage. you have waged more wars in my name and my dads name than worth counting." "That's very true" "It is. my dad attempted to create a perfect race without killing, and thieving and raping, but we finally realize we are asking too much. humans sicken me deeply; my own followers especially with their black and white views on whats good and bad, and how they look down on others who don't agree with them as though they are inferior beings. how they act as if they're the superior race and really its their whole 'I'm christian so I'm perfect and I'm going to heaven unlike you ungodly Buddhists' attitude really bugs the s***t out of me. if anything id rather have a bunch of peaceful calm Buddhist monks in heaven then a bunch of ignorant judgmental bigoted 'Christians'. so yes, my dad and i are leaving, never to hear or answer another prayer again. okay? you understand? "yeah i get it now, its cool,really" then he smiled at me and out from nowhere was this bowl of beautiful, golden, crunchy granola in his hand!! "Here you go Phil have some! its your favorite, with the cranberry's and chocolate!" i took the bowl and ate it up generously. "Dude! Thanks this stuff is is .....orgasmic! i never had any this good! its so delicious!!!"
"Glad you like it made it myself!" then he sighs "well Philip this is where we part! I'm glad we had this little chat, just promise me this." and whats that" i ask? "just remember that i love you" "yeah?" i say "yeah!" he says
"YEAH!?" I yell "YEAH!!" he yells back, then both of us yell YYYEEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! at the same and then chest bumped. "kay Phil you be good it was nice hanging but i got to go like-oh s**t im late-like NOW. see ya buddy!!" then I woke up.
I had an EXTREMELY vivid dream (practically a vision) where i was on the beach in what appeared to be Bermuda just hanging out, when HE came. He had dreadlocks, a surfboard, and had that Jesus fish symbol tattooed to his arm "Hey Philip! whats up?" he said. im all like "nothing much, my girlfriend dumped me on my ass the other day after i told her i was Agnostic and not a full blown christian like her.. ...that sucked" then Jesus is like "DUDE bummer! y'know Philip you haven't been worshiping or praying to me much, and you know what? I dont blame you, i probably wouldnt believe in me either dude !" im like "REALLY?" and he says "Yeah really, and y'know what? id rather NOT have 3 billion people complain to me about really stupid and selfish problems, like oh heres a good one from this morning 'JESUS WHERES MY F***KING NINTENDO WII!! I F***KING ASKED YOU YESTERDAY YOU F***KING LYING ASS SKANK!!! YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!' Im like "WHA? people seriously treat you like that? you need a vacation!" hes like "Why in my dads name you think I'm here? my dad decided to take over both shifts while i was down here for the weekend" "well that's nice of him" i said. Hes like "Yeah I guess so...Actually Philip there was something VERY important i need to tell you. i say "What?" then hes like "Me and my father are leaving. " "I dont understand why?"
"Me and my dad realized we failed once again at creating the perfect beings, you humans are too hateful, bloodthirsty, bigoted, greedy and savage. you have waged more wars in my name and my dads name than worth counting." "That's very true" "It is. my dad attempted to create a perfect race without killing, and thieving and raping, but we finally realize we are asking too much. humans sicken me deeply; my own followers especially with their black and white views on whats good and bad, and how they look down on others who don't agree with them as though they are inferior beings. how they act as if they're the superior race and really its their whole 'I'm christian so I'm perfect and I'm going to heaven unlike you ungodly Buddhists' attitude really bugs the s***t out of me. if anything id rather have a bunch of peaceful calm Buddhist monks in heaven then a bunch of ignorant judgmental bigoted 'Christians'. so yes, my dad and i are leaving, never to hear or answer another prayer again. okay? you understand? "yeah i get it now, its cool,really" then he smiled at me and out from nowhere was this bowl of beautiful, golden, crunchy granola in his hand!! "Here you go Phil have some! its your favorite, with the cranberry's and chocolate!" i took the bowl and ate it up generously. "Dude! Thanks this stuff is is .....orgasmic! i never had any this good! its so delicious!!!"
"Glad you like it made it myself!" then he sighs "well Philip this is where we part! I'm glad we had this little chat, just promise me this." and whats that" i ask? "just remember that i love you" "yeah?" i say "yeah!" he says
"YEAH!?" I yell "YEAH!!" he yells back, then both of us yell YYYEEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! at the same and then chest bumped. "kay Phil you be good it was nice hanging but i got to go like-oh s**t im late-like NOW. see ya buddy!!" then I woke up.
it were a bad bad dream, Mr.Anti-Anti-Christ! the only good dreams be them dreams wiv lord Jesus in them 
. Mr.Bobby Joe have bootiful dreams abouts lord Jesus all the times, he saids that in his dreams lord Jesus be all muscly 
an He give Mr.Bobby Joe them big-boy hugs, 
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