[John Creeser]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

I have a few pounds I could afford to lose. I'm going to have to give up Coors light and tasty pie, but I'm not sure how soon that's going to happen!

Brother Nobar, I suggest you switch to Vodka (American brands, not that damned commie stuff) and salt and vinegar rice cakes.

[Sidoain]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

I have a few pounds I could afford to lose. I'm going to have to give up Coors light and tasty pie, but I'm not sure how soon that's going to happen!

You dont need to stop eating what you usually eat to lose weight. Stare Master will help you lose weight fast.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

You dont need to stop eating what you usually eat to lose weight. Stare Master will help you lose weight fast.

stare (stâr)v. stared, star·ing, stares
v.intr.1. To look directly and fixedly, often with a wide-eyed gaze. See Synonyms at gaze.
2. To be conspicuous; stand out.
3. To stand on end; bristle, as hair or feathers.

v.tr. To look at directly and fixedly: stared him in the eyes.

n. An intent gaze.

Please explain how mastering staring is going to help anyone lose weight? Sounds like something boodists do.

[Sidoain]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

So much words in english sound alike. I meant to say Stairs Master



It might sound too liberal, but its the best thing that make you lose weight fast.

[IMG]file:///C:/Users/LeWood/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot-3.png[/IMG]

[handmaiden]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

Bless you in Christ Brother John!

The biggest reason we were concerned with your substantial bulk is that it may interfere with procreating soldiers for Jesus. As a Christian, you are well aware that only one Godly position is to be used when reproducing for Him. I need not describe this. As well, you know it is your duty in Christ to keep the woman perpetually with child.

Your shear mass concerned us for a couple of reasons: First, your own health. A man of your size could not possibly have the stamina to keep the babies coming once every nine months. This is clear by your initial inability to lift more than a pound over your head more than once. Second, the health of your wife. The woman can only tolerate so much dead weight before she loses interest, and even refuses participation in "that" act.

We are proud of your goal of reduction in girth for Him. In Him, all things are possible!

Praise Jesus Christ!

I was not aware that a wife is permitted to "refuse" or is even required to truly "participate".

Her complaisant presence is needed, of course, in the same room as is her husband. This presence is only that of the body. Her mind, heart, spirit and soul are to be with Christ, who will provide her with the courage to endure that which is understandably discomforting.

Pointedly Yours, Handmaiden.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

So much words in english sound alike. I meant to say Stairs Master

It might sound too liberal, but its the best thing that make you lose weight fast.

Would it be too much to ask for scripture to back up your claim that a Christian man belongs on such a device?

I already have Brother John in contact with a True Christian™ dietician and he has made remarkable progress in reduction! Once we eliminated his preference for bacon with every meal, the weight is dropping faster than negroid babies in Ethiopia.

Praise Jesus Christ!

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

So much words in english sound alike. I meant to say Stairs Master



It might sound too liberal, but its the best thing that make you lose weight fast.

[IMG]file:///C:/Users/LeWood/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot-3.png[/IMG]

Well to be honest, no True Christian woman should have the time to get fat. If cooking, cleaning, and raising the children doesn't keep you in shape, I don't know what will.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

Praise Jesus!

Brother John weighed in today at 195 pounds! His only meal today was a Double Whopper and some celery!

"But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 - KJV

I am so proud of his progress! Can I get an Amen to encourage him?

Yours in Christ!

[John Creeser]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

Rev Osborne's DVD came the other day and I've been sweating to the Old Testament like you wouldn't believe.

Shed 10 more pounds, hmmm where is the wife.

Keep me in your prayers brothers and sisters.

[John Creeser]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

Would it be too much to ask for scripture to back up your claim that a Christian man belongs on such a device?

I already have Brother John in contact with a True Christian™ dietician and he has made remarkable progress in reduction! Once we eliminated his preference for bacon with every meal, the weight is dropping faster than negroid babies in Ethiopia.

Praise Jesus Christ!

I appreciate all your help Brother, you've been a great help. The True Christian™ dietitian is working quite well. I must admit, giving up bacon with every meal took a lot of prayer, and I mean, a lot of prayer.

Yep, been feeling really great, the wife and I are going to make a concerted effort here in the next month to produce another son (in addition to the two I have now).

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

Rev Osborne's DVD came the other day and I've been sweating to the Old Testament like you wouldn't believe.

Shed 10 more pounds, hmmm where is the wife.

Keep me in your prayers brothers and sisters.

I pray for you daily Brother!

Before you chase the little woman into the bedroom, are you certain you are healthy enough to see the "act" through all the way to fruition? If you are at all concerned that you may have to abandon His goal, better to wait until you are strong enough to do the deed.

God would certainly frown at anything less than an honest attempt to get her with child.

Walk with Christ Brother!

[John Creeser]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

I pray for you daily Brother!

Before you chase the little woman into the bedroom, are you certain you are healthy enough to see the "act" through all the way to fruition? If you are at all concerned that you may have to abandon His goal, better to wait until you are strong enough to do the deed.

God would certainly frown at anything less than an honest attempt to get her with child.

Walk with Christ Brother!

I'm humbled. I shall heed your words brother Rubicon and wait until the fruit in my looms is truly optimal for seeding.

Keep the prayers coming. Last night I dreamed I was Christ in the desert, but instead of Satan tempting me, it was a 6 foot tall piece of juicy bacon.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

Brother John,

I'm quite disappointed. Your dietician went to leave a note on your windshield and saw this on your front seat. What do you have to say for yourself?

[John Creeser]

Re: Losing weight with God's help



The pain is excruciating - I just wanted one...just one fix to stop the pain.

And I thought Jimmy Dean was a True Christian?

OK Brother Rubicon, I've been found out. I'll pack it up and ship it to the Landover kitchens where the Pastors can have bacon on me.

Would it be wrong if I just sprinkle a few bacon bits under my tongue?

The good news I am down to 170 now, most of that was sweating due to my "problem" with bacon. The wife has even been working out with me so she can get those ovaries in tip top shape!!!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Losing weight with God's help

The pain is excruciating - I just wanted one...just one fix to stop the pain.

And I thought Jimmy Dean was a True Christian?

OK Brother Rubicon, I've been found out. I'll pack it up and ship it to the Landover kitchens where the Pastors can have bacon on me.

Would it be wrong if I just sprinkle a few bacon bits under my tongue?

The good news I am down to 170 now, most of that was sweating due to my "problem" with bacon. The wife has even been working out with me so she can get those ovaries in tip top shape!!!

Can an alcoholic have "just one"? Of course not.

It's already been confiscated and left on the doorstep of those mooslims that moved in across the street as a "warm welcome".

The bottom line is, can you be trusted or do you need to be locked up at Landover?

Yours in Christ.