Rites to an exorcism?

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Recently a woman (it would be, wouldn't it?) in my church has come down with a number of symptoms of demonic possession, including a vile lust for negroid phallic fulfillment.

I have taken steps already, including beating her legs as that she can't move out of the cellar she is shut in, as well as employing brother Billy Bobs "Hot Rats" technique (Which I must admit has worked wonders). Tonight I intend to visit her and with the aid and consent of her husband, remove certain parts of her female anatomy that are purported to give her carnal pleasure.

However, in order for this to be done in a True Christian™ way, I would like to know your rites of exorcism, so I may perform one before and after.

Praise Jesus.

[Titus Templeton]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

In Scripturis sacris, Diablolus et daemones variis
vocantur nominibus. Inter quae quaedam naturam navitatemque eorum quodammodo innuunt.

Diabolus, qui Satanas, serpens antiquust et draco vocatur...
Hominum adversarius et homicida ab initio designatur, cum per peccatum hominem fecit
obnoxium morti.

Cum autem noxia atque contraria actio Diaboli et daemonum afficiat personas, res, loca et appareat diverso modo, Ecclesia, semper conscia quod dies mali sunt, oravit et orat ut ab insidiis diaboli homines liberentur!!!

---

Say that loud when your standing near the person and the demon will go away.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

In Scripturis sacris, Diablolus et daemones variis
vocantur nominibus. Inter quae quaedam naturam navitatemque eorum quodammodo innuunt.

Diabolus, qui Satanas, serpens antiquust et draco vocatur...
Hominum adversarius et homicida ab initio designatur, cum per peccatum hominem fecit
obnoxium morti.

Cum autem noxia atque contraria actio Diaboli et daemonum afficiat personas, res, loca et appareat diverso modo, Ecclesia, semper conscia quod dies mali sunt, oravit et orat ut ab insidiis diaboli homines liberentur!!!

---

Say that loud when your standing near the person and the demon will go away.

That's sounding awfully catholic there.

First option would be to speak to one of our pastors, not sure where they are today though.

Second is demon busters
Oh I hope I'm not getting in trouble for posting this....

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

There is no such thing as demon posessions, so please stop torturing that poor woman.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

There is no such thing as demon posessions, so please stop torturing that poor woman.

Prove it. You say one thing; the Gospels repeatedly say another. Are we supposed to believe you or God?

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

Prove it. You say one thing; the Gospels repeatedly say another. Are we supposed to believe you or God?

Just because she's attracted to black men does not mean that she's possessed.
Colbert's probably just jealous because she won't go out with him.

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

How dare you, you verbally incontinent mound of Satan-spunk. She is married, to a handsome and pure caucasian man. I would never consider it.

[Lisa H]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

In Scripturis sacris, Diablolus et daemones variis
vocantur nominibus. Inter quae quaedam naturam navitatemque eorum quodammodo innuunt.

Diabolus, qui Satanas, serpens antiquust et draco vocatur...
Hominum adversarius et homicida ab initio designatur, cum per peccatum hominem fecit
obnoxium morti.

Cum autem noxia atque contraria actio Diaboli et daemonum afficiat personas, res, loca et appareat diverso modo, Ecclesia, semper conscia quod dies mali sunt, oravit et orat ut ab insidiis diaboli homines liberentur!!!

---

Say that loud when your standing near the person and the demon will go away.

This must be some demonic chant to summon satan. It is written in a demonic language.


1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour

[Bryan Tamariki]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

Demon possession was once common in New Zealand. In pre-Christian Māori society witches were called tohunga mākutu (literally: 'Black Magic Experts').

Warfare was the usual way by which my savage ancestors would settle disputes, or major transgressions, between tribal groups. However if someone of the same tribal group had committed a mortal sin against a kinsman, the local tohunga mākutu would be consulted. This tohunga would send demons to possess the transgressor, who would be eventually killed by them.

Pre-Christian Māori society was ordered by tapu, laws of purity similar to those written in Leviticus. Breaking tapu could also condemn the person to mākutu, or witchcraft, the most extreme of which was a painful death from demonic possession.

Ariki, Māori royalty, were highly tapu (literally: sacred/forbidden/polluting). The slaves of Ariki would feed them with long wooden spoons, which would later be burnt - as the spoons themselves would quickly become 'unclean'. Frederick Manning, an early white explorer of New Zealand, wrote of examples where commoners eating leftover food belonging to Ariki would die from having their bowels explode.

In 1907 a Māori politician called James Carroll: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_C..._politician%29) introduced the Tohunga Suppression Act which made mākutu illegal.

The second clause stated that "Every person who gathers Maoris around him by practising on their superstition or credulity, or who misleads or attempts to mislead any Maori by professing or pretending to possess supernatural powers in the treatment or cure of any disease, or in the foretelling of future events, or otherwise" was liable for prosecution. The first offence could be subject to a fine of up to 25 pounds or up to six months imprisonment.

[Ummalummadingdong]

Re: Rites to an exorcism?

There is no such thing as demon posessions, so please stop torturing that poor woman.

Really? well then I guess everyone who has been cured by having an exorcism are mental?