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  • VictoryOS
    True Christian™ Beauty Queen
     
    • Dec 2007
    • 5388

    #511
    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

    Originally posted by diablo666 View Post
    This is not a clean joke. The point of the joke is that priest #1 molests children.
    It's funny because it's true!
    Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
    in 2016

    Comment

    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78552

      #512
      Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

      A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

      After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

      The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

      So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

      Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

      1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
      2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
      3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
      4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
      5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
      6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
      7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
      8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
      9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
      10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
      11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
      12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
      13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
      14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • pervertforlife
        Unsaved trash
        • Dec 2011
        • 12

        #513
        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

        I have a joke I have a joke!

        The Bible.

        DAMN THAT WAS FUNNY!
        I will punish ... all such as are clothed with strange apparel. -- Zephaniah 1:8

        Comment

        • Alphonse Alban
          Apostle to the Samites and Laplander Eskimos.
           
          • Feb 2011
          • 5724

          #514
          Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

          Originally posted by pervertforlife View Post
          The Bible.

          DAMN THAT WAS FUNNY!
          Yes, bible is also about laughter and joy.

          Psalm 2:4-5 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision. Then shall he speak unto them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure.

          I can't wait to laugh with Jesus at sinners in hell.

          Comment

          • diablo666
            Unsaved trash
            • Dec 2011
            • 16

            #515
            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

            Originally posted by Sister Kitty View Post
            That surprises you?
            not at all, religious officials are famous for touching little boys

            Comment

            • Brother Enoch
              The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
              True Christian™
              • Jun 2008
              • 4392

              #516
              Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

              Originally posted by diablo666 View Post
              not at all, religious officials Catholics are famous for touching little boys
              Fixed.

              Comment

              • JWforever
                Unsaved trash, Jehovah Witless
                • Oct 2011
                • 19

                #517
                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                Why do you always take two Baptists hunting with you?

                If you take one, he drinks all your beer. If you take two, they don't drink any

                Comment

                • Zechariah Smyth
                  Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                  True Christian™
                  • Feb 2011
                  • 15251

                  #518
                  Originally posted by JWforever View Post
                  Why do you always take two Baptists hunting with you?

                  If you take one, he drinks all your beer. If you take two, they don't drink any
                  In order for a joke to be funny, the premise has to be believable. I simply can't see any chance of going hunting with someone who doesn't believe in Jesus, so that makes the whole joke fall flat.
                  Posted via Mobile Device
                  sigpic

                  Comment

                  • A Follower
                    True Christian™
                    True Christian™
                    • Jan 2010
                    • 872

                    #519
                    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                    A muslim, an atheist, an illegal immigrant and a communist walk into a bar.



                    The bartender asks: "What can I get you Mr. President?"
                    Leviticus 26:15-16
                    And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.

                    Comment

                    • ChristianBeliever
                      Forum Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Nov 2011
                      • 16

                      #520
                      Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                      What do you call a group of Mexicans running down a hill?
                      A jailbreak.
                      What do you call two Mexicans fighting?
                      Juan-on-Juan
                      Just a Christian Girl.

                      Comment

                      • Abner Leopold
                        Forum Member
                        Forum Member
                        • Dec 2011
                        • 56

                        #521
                        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                        Q: How do you turn your dishwasher into a sweeper?
                        A: Buy HER a broom!

                        Comment

                        • Good Christian Woman
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Nov 2011
                          • 349

                          #522
                          Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                          A priest and a rabbi are in a bar. They both begin to get tired and the rabbi suggests they call it a night.

                          "Yeah, I think I'll go home and screw an alter boy," says the priest.

                          "For how much?" says the rabbi.
                          1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!

                          Comment

                          • Good Christian Woman
                            True Christian™
                            True Christian™
                            • Nov 2011
                            • 349

                            #523
                            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                            What do you say to a Negro in a suit?

                            "Will the defendant please rise..."
                            1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!

                            Comment

                            • Abner Leopold
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Dec 2011
                              • 56

                              #524
                              Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                              Q: Why do negros only have nightmares?
                              A: The last one that had a dream got shot.

                              Q:Why do negros ride all slouched over in their cars?
                              A: They don't know the mirrors are adjustable.

                              Q: Why did God give mexicans a nose?
                              A: So they would have something to pick in the off season.
                              Last edited by Abner Leopold; 12-16-2011, 04:56 PM. Reason: miss spelled word.

                              Comment

                              • Rev. M. Rodimer
                                Honorary True Christian™
                                Forum Member
                                • May 2008
                                • 13996

                                #525
                                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                Originally posted by Abner Leopold View Post
                                Q: Why do negros only have nightmares?
                                A: The last one that had a dream got shot.

                                Q:Why do negros ride all slouched over in their cars?
                                A: They don't know the mirrors are adjustable.

                                Q: Why did God give mexicans a nose?
                                A: So they would have something to pick in the off season.
                                I fail to see what these "jokes" have to do with being Christian.
                                Bible boring? Nonsense!
                                Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                                You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                                Comment

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