[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

So a man was talking to God and the man asked God "How long is a million years to you?" and God said "A minute."

Then the man asked God "How much is a million dollars to you?" and God said "A penny."

So the man asked God "Can I have a penny?"

and God said "In a minute."

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"






"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God?" as he smiled smugly.

"Ok," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God when you don't know crap?"






And then she went back to reading her book

[landoverlover]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Q. What do you get when you cross a messican with a mormon?

A. A basement full of stolen groceries.

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Amy Winehouse finally arrives at the gates of heaven and is greeted by St. Peter. St Peter says "Who are you and why should I allow you into Heaven?"

Amy Says, "I am Amy Winehouse, I entertained millions through my Art of music."

Peter is impressed and hands her a little set of black wings. Amy excitedly asks him, "Oh St.Peter does this mean that I'm an Angel?"

Peter Replies, "Hell no, with a face like that you can be a gargoyle".

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What's the first and last thing criminal scum in Freehold see before they end up in jail?









The butt-end of my Maglite flashlight.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Gates of Heaven. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Jesus addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Jesus consults His list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect, puts on that smug grin all papists have and booms out, 'I am Father Murphy, priest at the church of Saint Mary The Immaculate Virgin of the Bleeding Heart and Eternal Sorrows for the last 43 years.'

Jesus consults The Book of Life and nods to the left and, instantly, 2 demons appear and seize the papist.

'Just a minute,' says the priest shouts as he’s being dragged down to the Pit of Eternal Fire, 'That man was just a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff! What’s happening to me?

“You thought I judged by works,” says Jesus “and so I judge you by works.” 'When you preached , people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'

The moral of this parable is “Faith is all that is required.”

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A very old Baptist called his wife to his bed. ‘I am going to die. Please call a priest — I'm gonna convert to Catholicism.’

His wife responded with shock and disbelief, reminding her husband that they had been devout Baptists all their lives.

‘I know, dear,’ he said, ‘but isn’t it better that one of them should die than one of us?’


I'm unsure of the implications for Salvation.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well.

He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you
are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg."

Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well.

He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you
are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg."

Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"

Mine only cost a plantars wart. I overpaid.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday.... minding my own business, waiting on it to turn green, when carload of young, loud Muslims shouting anti-American slogans stopped next to me. The light changed, the Muslims shook their fists, hit the gas and darted off ahead of me. Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!"


So, today... bright and early, I went out and got me a job as a truck driver.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Two Brazilians

The Dept of Defense briefed the President this morning…


They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan.

To everyone's surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears..

Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?'

This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A li’l niglet went to heaven and got his wings; he said, "God! Look, I'm an angel!" God replied, "No you stupid niglet! You're a bat, now eff off!"

How do you know Noah was a White man? No nigra could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!

Why don't nigra wiminz wear panties to picnics? To keep the flies away from the chicken!

[Proud Faroese]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

This is Christian humour as it will offend all those silly vegans and environmentalists who refuses to kill, skin and eat animals even if The Bible says so

[Proud Faroese]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Heath Ledger goes to hell.

Heath Ledger has just died, and went hell. He gets a visit from Jesus, who gives him a flat screen TV, a DVD/Blu-Ray player and a collection of what seems to be 10 000 gay porn movies on DVD and some on Blu-ray, he gets very happy and thinks "wow, maybe hell isnt so bad after all, this looks awesome!", but what he doesnt know is that Jesus put True Christian™, clean and educational heterosexual movies inside the gay porn covers, movies such as Passion of the Christ, The Left Behind-series, Jesus(1979 version), Jesus of Nazareth and The Birth of a Nation, now he realises that he will be forced to watch these movies over and over again, for all eternity. Jesus leaves him laughing hysterically while Heath Ledger screams in pain of being forced to watch good, clean and heterosexual True Christian™ movies over and over again for all eternity.
(And every time he tries to masturbate watching the pictures on one of the gay porn covers, the cover is turned into the cover of the movie that is on the disc)

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Heath Ledger goes to hell.

Heath Ledger has just died, and went hell. He gets a visit from Jesus, who gives him a flat screen TV, a DVD/Blu-Ray player and a collection of what seems to be 10 000 gay porn movies on DVD and some on Blu-ray, but what he doesnt know is that Jesus put True Christian™, clean and educational heterosexual movies inside the gay porn covers, movies such as Passion of the Christ, The Left Behind-series, Jesus(1979 version), Jesus of Nazareth and The Birth of a Nation, now he realises that he will be forced to watch these movies over and over again, for all eternity. Jesus leaves him laughing hysterically while Heath Ledger screams in pain of being forced to watch good, clean and heterosexual True Christian™ movies over and over again for all eternity.
(And every time he tries to masturbate watching the pictures on one of the gay porn covers, the cover is turned into the cover of the movie that is on the disc)

That's a real knee-slapper, love it!! Heath Ledger.