Tweet
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
What do jooish rabbis do with the foreskins they circumcise?
Sell em to faggots for chewing gum.
What do jooish rabbis do with the foreskins they circumcise?
Sell em to faggots for chewing gum.
-
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
I thought they made them into wallets that turned into suitcases when you rub them.Originally posted by Jimmy C Lombardo View Post
The chewing gum thing sounds dangerous. Could choke or tear off the lower jaw of a queer when it expands.Comment
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Did you hear about the Catholic exorcism? The mother had to summon the devil to get the priest out of her sonThe Lord is my shepherd.Comment
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. Mormons don't use light bulbs because they can't see the light.
Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. Mormons don't use light bulbs because; "darkness flee's the light."
Comment
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
As he was visiting his parishioners one Saturday afternoon, a new pastor stopped at one house and found that no one answered the door. It was clear that someone was home, but he knocked repeatedly and no one appeared. Finally he pulled out his card, wrote “Revelation 3:20″ on the back, and left it in the door.
That Sunday he found the card in the collection basket. Below his message someone had written “Genesis 3:10.”
Revelation 3:20 reads, “Behold I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.”
Genesis 3:10 reads, “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”
YES! I AM A CLOWN FOR CHRIST! Owner/Operator of Lord's Derisive Laughter Christian Clown Ministry.
Read my inspiring testimonial of how I came to Christ!
Rebuko's Sleepover Castle - Let your kids spend the night at my place for a One-Night Jesus Camp experience!
Comment
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
- The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Comment
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: What do you call a nigra in an expensive car?
A: A car thiefTo the atheists:
To the false christians:
Feel like pissing off God? Perhaps this will change your mind:
Hosea 13:16Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.Comment
-
Post Your Jokes Here!
Whenever I make a speech in front of a business or church group, I like to start off with a joke to break the ice. Many people say I have a gift for humor. My wife Delores often says, "Oh, you're funny. You should have been a stand-up comedian!" So here are a few very funny jokes that I made up that you can tell to your friends, co-workers, and neighbors:
Q: Why do poor people smell so bad?
A: Because they're too stupid and lazy to wash themselves!
(rimshot)
Q: Why is it so hard to understand what Negroes are saying?
A: Because they have big lips that interfere with their pronunciation!
(ba dum dum!)
Q: How many stupid poor people does it take to screw in a light blub?
A: They're too poor to have light blubs or electricity, and even if they did, they're too lazy to get up to change them!!
(slide whistle!)
Q: Why did the lazy Black man cross the road?
A: Because he was too stupid and lazy to stay where he was!
(honk honk!)
Q: What do you call a lazy Mexican man shot through the head and halfway dissolved in a vat of acid in your basement?
A: A good start!
(wah wah wah!)
Q: Why do poor people have so many children?
A: So when one of them dies from malnutrition, the parents can finally get a decent meal!
(ka chong!)
Q: Why do Negroes do so poorly in school?
A: Because they're inferior!
(ba da ding!)
Q: Why do greedy Jews like money so much?
A: Because they killed Jesus, they have big noses, and they're really greedy!
(rimshot!)
I'm telling you, that's killer material! And you'll never believe it, but I just made up those jokes on the spur of the moment! I really could have been a very good comedian if I had tried!\
Now let's see some of your jokes--- post any good ones below.
P.S. Feel free to use these hilarious jokes--- I've got a million of them!Comment
-
Re: Post Your Jokes Here!
I'll try to come up with some in a while, but I'm too awed at being in the presence of a master to think of any just now. I just want to point out how well your signature goes with this post - it really looks like they're all reacting to what you've just written!
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
- Catholic perversion throughout history
- Does it matter how we praise the Lord?
- How the King James Bible Saved me from anal sex!
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
-
Re: Post Your Jokes Here!
Why did Jesus quit playing hockey?
EDITED OUT HORRIBLE JOKEBecause he kept getting nailed to the boards!
True answer: Because he doesn't need ice to walk on water!Comment
-
Re: Post Your Jokes Here!
What does Jesus have in His savings account?
144,000 souls!The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
Comment
-
Re: Post Your Jokes Here!
Why are liebrals so stupid? Because, unlike gays, they were born that way!
Comment
-
Re: Post Your Jokes Here!
But why is that woman in a picture with a bunch of Presidents?Originally posted by Brother Temperance View PostI'll try to come up with some in a while, but I'm too awed at being in the presence of a master to think of any just now. I just want to point out how well your signature goes with this post - it really looks like they're all reacting to what you've just written!
Was she bringing them drinks or something?
Q: What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a female pit bull?
A: One is sweet and loving if you're her friend, but can turn into a vicious bitch that latches onto her target, locks her jaw, and won't let go until she has killed or been killed . . . and the other is a dog.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Comment
-
Re: Post Your Jokes Here!
Q. Why wont stephen hawkins go to heaven?
A. Because he'll never get up the stairs!
Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will gladly take you back.
When you pray, don't give God instructions. Just report for duty!Comment
-
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Heard a couple of good ones at the dog show last week.
An atheist decides to go ice fishing, so he goes out on the ice and starts chopping a hole, all of a sudden there's a big booming voice. "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The atheist looks around, shrugs and walks a ways away and starts to chop. Again, the big booming voice comes "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE EITHER!" The confused atheist looks up and say's in a small voice, "is that you God?" and the voice booms back "NO I'M THE RINK MANAGER!"
A peace nick hippie atheist goes out for a hike to comune with nature and to think about how insignificant he is in this world. All of a sudden a Grizzly comes out of the bush and starts chasing him. The atheist trips and just as the bear is about to pounce the atheist screams "GOD HELP ME". All of a sudden everything freezes and a voice comes from the sky saying "I thought you didn't believe in me." The atheist says well I don't, I believe in natural law and refuse to give up my sinful life to worship you. So God says "Well then, what should I do about this situation?" The atheist says "well since I'll never be a Christian, can't you make the bear a Christian instead?" God agrees and time starts up again. The bear stops, bows it's head and says "Thank you Jesus for the wonderful meal that I am about to enjoy."
Drama queenComment
Comment