On Jesus' Return

[Arthur Tom Heist]

Ladies and gentlemen who bear the knowledge, I beg you to answer these questions, please, as my intellect is too limited to fully understand God's Book, namely, the parts regarding Jesus' return to Earth. Who better than the members of God's Only Forum to reply something like that?

Question 1: I managed to understand Jesus will return at the head of an army. How many are those?
Question 2: Where will he land? Popular opinion holds that place to be the plains of Megiddo, but I believe the joos made that up to feel important.

And an unrelated question:
Pastor Ezekiel's signature offers a very complete list that says who will be damned. How much of the human population does it include? Half? 75%?

Thank you for your attention.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: On Jesus' Return

Ladies and gentlemen who bear the knowledge, I beg you to answer these questions, please, as my intellect is too limited to fully understand God's Book, namely, the parts regarding Jesus' return to Earth. Who better than the members of God's Only Forum to reply something like that?

Question 1: I managed to understand Jesus will return at the head of an army. How many are those?
Question 2: Where will he land? Popular opinion holds that place to be the plains of Megiddo, but I believe the joos made that up to feel important.

And an unrelated question:
Pastor Ezekiel's signature offers a very complete list that says who will be damned. How much of the human population does it include? Half? 75%?

Thank you for your attention.

Try reading the Book of Revelation. You'll find most of your answers in there.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: On Jesus' Return

Hello Mr Heist,

Just letting you know your feeble attempt at "clever" word-smithery and blatant skullduggerous buggery of His Word, has not gone unnoticed by us.. A.T.Heist.

Obviously you are here merely to mock us and also our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The ruse is up, darwin-lover!

The questions you ask don't take a genius to answer, and if you were capable of actually reading a book with words, rather than just atheist smut and secular science drivel, a quick reading of The Book of Revelation would quell your curiosity on most, if not all points.

We are here to aid those with genuine curiosity and a loving interest in ALL THINGS JESUS. We however are not here for the likes of you to cast aspersions on our faith.

YIC

Mrs. Phebe Dewitt.

[Arthur Tom Heist]

Re: On Jesus' Return

But I AM genuinely curious about Jesus and the army he'll invade Earth with. 'Know your enemy' and all that.
Now, to find out if the IDF will be forced to use nuclear weapons to destroy them. A 100,000,000 member army requires nothing less, I think.

[John Creeser]

Re: On Jesus' Return

But I AM genuinely curious about Jesus and the army he'll invade Earth with. 'Know your enemy' and all that.
Now, to find out if the IDF will be forced to use nuclear weapons to destroy them. A 100,000,000 member army requires nothing less, I think.

What's this? He'll invade? Like He's some cosmic flesh eating zombie general?

How DARE you, and you come here with your name in code too. I have no time for you ATHEIST!!!

[Warner S. Davidson]

Re: On Jesus' Return

Mr A.T.Heist ( How original )

When Jesus arrives YOU will come to know first hand my friend.

Hordes of disgusting filthy mockers like you will be personally and mercilessly slaughtered by Jesus himself.

You don't think that Jesus would actually miss the opportunity to show his love for True Christians(tm) other than to personally terminate the very worst of mankind such as YOU

Hell-fire and a vengeful Jesus awaits you

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: On Jesus' Return

I bet the atheist thinks that Jesus is a space alien coming with an intergalactic army in UFOs!

These atheists will believe anything you tell them, as long as it makes God look bad. That's all they really care about, hating God.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: On Jesus' Return

Haven't you atheists wreaked enough havoc in the world? First it was the Buddha, who got fat eating innocent babies all day. Then it was the Jews, who killed Jesus because they hated God. Then it was Charles Darwin, who had sex with monkeys. Now you come to LBC forums to persecute helpless Christians for being moral. When will atheists quit their campaign against all that is good and decent?

[Didymus Much]

Re: On Jesus' Return

I bet the atheist thinks that Jesus is a space alien coming with an intergalactic army in UFOs!

Oh, not one of those Raelians, is he? Vorhillon himself admitted that it's just about the free sex.

These atheists will believe anything you tell them, as long as it makes God look bad. That's all they really care about, hating God.

Not quite true. Looking good doing it is high on my list. I mean, there's nothing worse than a nihilist with no fashion sense.

[Thomas W]

Re: On Jesus' Return

Question 1: I managed to understand Jesus will return at the head of an army. How many are those?
Question 2: Where will he land? Popular opinion holds that place to be the plains of Megiddo, but I believe the joos made that up to feel important.

And an unrelated question:
Pastor Ezekiel's signature offers a very complete list that says who will be damned. How much of the human population does it include? Half? 75%?

Thank you for your attention.

In other words, you expect us to give away military intelligence about the holocaust, in a futile attempt to oppose it with your own army of the damned. Not falling for it. I'm loyal to The Lord.

[Thomas W]

Re: On Jesus' Return

In other words, you expect us to give away military intelligence about the holocaust, in a futile attempt to oppose it with your own army of the damned. Not falling for it. I'm loyal to The Lord.

(After checking dictionaries on the matter, it occurs to me that I might be using the word "holocaust" very incorrectly here. (American isn't my native language.) Ah, well.)

[Arthur Tom Heist]

Re: On Jesus' Return

In other words, you expect us to give away military intelligence about the holocaust, in a futile attempt to oppose it with your own army of the damned. Not falling for it. I'm loyal to The Lord.

Remember, aiding the enemy makes you one. Also remember the sentence for high treason.

Hordes of disgusting filthy mockers like you will be personally and mercilessly slaughtered by Jesus himself.

You don't think that Jesus would actually miss the opportunity to show his love for True Christians™ other than to personally terminate the very worst of mankind such as YOU

Hell-fire and a vengeful Jesus awaits you

Only if we lose.

[Arthur Tom Heist]

Re: On Jesus' Return

What's this? He'll invade?

in·va·sion/ɪnˈveɪʒən/Spelled[in-vey-zhuhn]
–noun
1. an act or instance of invading or entering as an enemy, esp. by an army.

Yes, he'll invade. And Israel (the landing site) and the rest of the world, for defeat wouldn't just mean the destruction of Israel, but of all of Mankind, would have every right, nay, the obligation to fight back. We certainly have the means to do that.

Who knows?
Perhaps we can bring the fight to them and destroy the one that ordered the attack. We already killed him once, we'll do it again.

Perhaps we can even conquer Heaven.

[VampireSlayer]

Re: On Jesus' Return

Perhaps we can even conquer Heaven.

Impossible. The defences of Heaven are extremely well built and nigh unbreachable. For another thing, they're built on the highest ground imaginable. I also heard they have turrets that shoot high-explosive halos. There will be no conquering Heaven. Ever.

I also suspect Jesus is a skilled gunman. He could probably shoot an entire army to bits. Based on the fact he's immortal and invincible and can return from the dead at will, and all that.