[Faith_Machine]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

That's not what I heard.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

I'm glad we are having this conversation. I seems to me that if you are going to pay the homeowner's fees and auto tithes that go to the church to live here, that you would show up to church.

Maybe we could discuss some sort of HOA fine for not coming without prior approval?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

Maybe we could discuss some sort of HOA fine for not coming without prior approval?

That's a really good idea, Pastor Will, and you've raised a question in my mind: What sort of circumstances would constitute a valid excuse for not going to church and warrant somebody being given this prior approval?

[Meek and Humble]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

I was sick!!!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

I have to confess I know a little more about this than I revealed in the original post. Wanting a most Christian community as I do, I asked our Freehold PD to make mental notes of what people were doing Sunday morning and pass it along to me.

This information is not written down as "official" police business, just officers passing along what they have seen as a favor.

They have seen what I would call "sinful deck activity". That is, people lounging with the Sunday paper, mugs of coffee, frisby tossing and so on.
This is but a few Freehold residents, but a problem nevertheless. I will be conferring with our Pastors as how to best stop these inroads Satan is trying to make.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

I'm glad we are having this conversation. I seems to me that if you are going to pay the homeowner's fees and auto tithes that go to the church to live here, that you would show up to church.

Maybe we could discuss some sort of HOA fine for not coming without prior approval?

So what would constitute "not coming to church" pastor? Would that mean not entering the building. Like would Sister Mary Whitford long payer counseling sessions that seems to take all Sunday worship with Youth Pastor Marty constitute going to church?

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

Excuse me if I'm wrong, but in speaking with church authorities, I was under the impression I could be absent from church every once in a while for out of state conventions, speaking arrangements, cruises, and to come down from Viagra and Vicodin fixes as long as the church treasurer had my credit card and Social Security number on file and my seat was filled with either a church-approved seat filler or life-like blow-up doll.



Hopefully Raphael has been doing a good job during my three week sojourn.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

Since I am currently without a church to call my home, I recently resolved to go and preach in the streets in homosexual neighborhoods on Sundays; to kind of make the world my church, if you will.

I soon discovered, however, that there aren't any homosexuals out and about on Sunday mornings. Therefore, in the interest of taking the Word to the sinners where and when they can be found, I now make it my habit to go to gay nightclubs on Saturday night.

Sometimes it's hard to hear myself preaching over the pounding electronic music, but I really feel I've made a few breakthroughs. For example, I've learned where all the fags go on Sunday.

You may rest assured I will be there, rebuking them good and hard.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

Sometimes it's hard to hear myself preaching over the pounding electronic music, but I really feel I've made a few breakthroughs. For example, I've learned where all the fags go on Sunday.

You may rest assured I will be there, rebuking them good and hard.

I'm not clicking on any link that says "the end up prod". That sounds far too much like a how-to manual for sodomy.

Why not try one of those brunch places? I hear they like to drink bloody Marys and nurse their hangovers. Probably very open to suggestions at that point.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Why Do Some Landover Baptist Members Skip Church?

So what would constitute "not coming to church" pastor? Would that mean not entering the building. Like would Sister Mary Whitford long payer counseling sessions that seems to take all Sunday worship with Youth Pastor Marty constitute going to church?

Goodness gracious! What does the Panopticon security system make of all this? Is there footage?

Come to think about it, I don't think we have looked at the Whitford's tithing agreement lately. I think that may be coming up for review.