X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22938

    #1

    Missionary Position

    I was casting around the internet to decide where best to send a few Missionaries. The ideal place would be one with the population is untainted by secular teachings, where there is a reasonable standard of living, where there are cheap servants to help around the house and where there are natural resources such as gold, oil, etc, and where they speak American.

    Now I considered Ghana as this fulfils all the criteria. As an example of a Christian atmosphere within Ghana, I saw THIS ARTICLE, and decided that the country is heading in the right direction.

    I am therefore looking for a couple of volunteers.
    The Ghanaian electorate will go to polls on Friday, December 7th 2012 to elect leaders who will be given the mandate to manage the affairs of the country for the next four years, in a manner that will ensure the maximum welfare of the majority of the people.

    Before the British colonial Rule, the various ethnic groups in the country from North to South, and from East to West, employed the chieftaincy model to govern themselves and it was the BEST TYPE OF TRADITIONAL GOVERNMENT in the then Gold Coast. Why? There was respect for our elders among all the ethnic groups. (2) There was discipline, (3) there was God fearing among the tribes (4) there was truth (5) There was proper up bringing of children (6) The extended family system was working perfectly (7) there was communal spirit (8) there was peace and national cohesion (9) there was total unity and (10) peaceful co-existence.

    An essential feature of this form of government is that decisions were arrived at on the basis of consensus. Today, women can have sex with their fellow women and call themselves Lesbians. Western values are being forced on Africans through our leaders, so we must adopt Positive Defiance by quietly eliminating all known Lesbians and Gays in our midst to avoid public outcry and so-called human rights issues exported to us by the blue eyed long noses from the Western countries.

    If we unite and eliminate those barbaric creatures from our midst, God will richly bless us because most of the Prophets of God were murderers before preaching the word of God. If we obey these rich foreign leaders, we would be selling our nation for a mess of potage and therefore betraying God who created Heaven and Earth.

    No way, let’s eliminate the Gays and Lesbians quietly all over Africa now. This is a vision from God to me, so I speak in confidence and without fear or favour whatsoever. Such nonsense, take your dollars and pounds sterlings. Animals are even wiser than Gays and Lesbians. Today, one can insult his father or mother in the name of a so-called Western democracy, Today a man can have sex with his fellow man, in the name of Human Rights. [/b]

    CLEMENT SANGAPAREE
    MUNICIPAL ORGANISER
    UNITED CADRES FRONT
    P. O. BOX 32
    OBUASI

    E-mail: clementsang@yahoo.com
    Mr Sangaparee is Landover’s contact in Ghana, please direct all questions regarding accommodation and local conditions to him via his email address. He will be happy to help with all your needs.

    The Missionary position for two persons will be available from 10th October onwards. Obviously, having a long nose and blue eyes will be an advantage, so that you are not confused with the Darkies.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • Pim Pendergast
    PHD - Theophysicist
    Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
    True Christian™
    • Jun 2012
    • 3103

    #2
    Re: Missionary Position

    The missionary position sounds very exciting. I wish I could do it, but I will be otherwise occupied when they — the positions — open. I agree that the missionary position requires two people to be effective. You couldn't have three or more people doing it. Our Lord sent his disciples out in twos. It's best to follow His example. I pray the missionary position will be effective in producing many new children of God among the darkies.
    sigpicMt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

    Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies

    Comment

    • Johny Joe Hold
      Mayor of Freehold
       
      • Feb 2010
      • 13087

      #3
      Re: Missionary Position

      I'm going to put the word out in Freehold. We have some godly and ambitious young people would could do the job for sure.
      Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78556

        #4
        Re: Missionary Position

        I think the "missionary position" in Africa is two White Christians being boiled in a caldron for a tribe jigaboos' supper!
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050

          #5
          Re: Missionary Position

          This sounds like a very exciting position! I would encourage you, Pastor Bathfire, to make sure that whoever you choose for this position consults extensively with Pastor Zeke, as he is an expert on Orientals and there are an awful lot of Chinese people in Ghana.

          Probably Pastor Zeke could give each missionary some one-on-one training, or he could train both of the two people in the missionary position at the same time.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          Working...