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Friends, you all know that I am a very open-minded and tolerant person. So when I heard that some nincompoops were working on yet another translation of the Bible, and that they were putting it in screenplay format, I kept my sense of alarm in check and tried to look at the possible positives.
Wouldn't it be grand, I thought, if we had the entire Bible, from the beginning of Genesis, through the end of Revelation, in the form of a movie script? Imagine what a magnum opus that would be if we could pitch the project to those Jews in Hollywood and get them to make the definitive Bible movie, one that leaves nothing out!
I envisioned a truly spectacular film, one that would probably be a couple of weeks in length, without breaks or intermissions. Oh, imagine the glory! Imagine the packed theaters!
Unfortunately, as you can see, this screenplay they're working on is far from ideal:
New Bible translation has screenplay format
Now compare that Hollywood hepcat hipster lingo drivel to the eloquent and beautiful words of the King James Bible:
I know which one I'd want to hear being spoken by famous actors and actresses on the silver screen.
So that settles it: We just need to sit Steven Spielberg down with a copy of the 1611 KJV and tell him, "Film it, and don't change a thing!"
Surely the Department of Faith must have an extensive file on him?
Wouldn't it be grand, I thought, if we had the entire Bible, from the beginning of Genesis, through the end of Revelation, in the form of a movie script? Imagine what a magnum opus that would be if we could pitch the project to those Jews in Hollywood and get them to make the definitive Bible movie, one that leaves nothing out!
I envisioned a truly spectacular film, one that would probably be a couple of weeks in length, without breaks or intermissions. Oh, imagine the glory! Imagine the packed theaters!
Unfortunately, as you can see, this screenplay they're working on is far from ideal:
New Bible translation has screenplay format
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — A new Bible translation tackles the challenge of turning ancient Greek and Hebrew texts into modern American English and then adds a twist: It's written like a screenplay.
Take the passage from Genesis in which God gets angry at Adam for eating the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil:
"Adam (pointing at the woman): It was she! The woman You gave me as a companion put the fruit in my hands, and I ate it.
"God (to the woman): What have you done?
"Eve: It was the serpent! He tricked me, and I ate."
Take the passage from Genesis in which God gets angry at Adam for eating the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil:
"Adam (pointing at the woman): It was she! The woman You gave me as a companion put the fruit in my hands, and I ate it.
"God (to the woman): What have you done?
"Eve: It was the serpent! He tricked me, and I ate."
12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
13 And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
13 And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
I know which one I'd want to hear being spoken by famous actors and actresses on the silver screen.
So that settles it: We just need to sit Steven Spielberg down with a copy of the 1611 KJV and tell him, "Film it, and don't change a thing!"
Surely the Department of Faith must have an extensive file on him?
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