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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I Hope the Only Flying
You Do Today is from
being RAPTURED!
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
Not long now, brother: Jesus will call you to his bosom, soon!
It may be an auto wreck, it may be a home invasion, it could even be killer bees; but which ever method of death Jesus uses on you, know that when the time is right Jesus will call you to His side to praise him forever and ever, with no respite from His Glory!
Who could want more?
YIC1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. -
Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
A most blessed birthday to you, good Brother Captain! I hope Naomi is treating you well today.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
God created fossils to test our faith.
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My favorite LBC sermons:
True Christians are Perfect!
True Christian™ Love.
Salvation™ made Easy!
You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
God HATES Rational Thinking!
True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
Happy Birthday, Brother Portway, the closest Landover has to angel with wings. May your next take off end with Jesus waving you into a smooth landing in Heaven.Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
Happy Birthday Captain. I hope you enjoyed your birthday but I need you to fire up the jet and come take me to North Korea. I've decided to advise Tubby to accept Christ, or at least start paying in Dollars when he purchases from some of our sponsors.
I'll be ready in 2 shakes of a joo's tail. Chop-chop.
not
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
Happy Birthday, Mr. Portway! I sure hope Naomi has baked you your favorite pie today.Thinking of Abortion?
That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
Think of the children. Stop being a slut.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
Captain Portway, first I want to wish you a happy birthday. Now then, there has been a slight mix-up, and I want to give you a "heads up" about it before you get the wrong idea.
You see, I have hired a personal assistant, a young Korean girl, to help me with various odd jobs and correspondence, and whatnot. Anyway, I told her to take my credit card and order Captain Portway "something that will put a smile on his face."
And I'll be damned if the little idiot didn't order lingerie for Naomi! Apparently this is considered an appropriate gift in Korea. Anyway I am deeply humiliated by all this. Please just don't even open the package when it arrives, and if there happens to be a personalized gift card, please, for goodness sake, don't even read it!
Just throw everything in the trash.
Thank you.WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Portway!
Happy birthday Capt. Portway!
May you have many more flight hours to come. It must be fascinating to be God's Favorite Pilot™ and watch our beautiful disk from up there!Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division - Luke 12:51Comment
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