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Brothers and Sisters:
We are all well-aware of the gay agenda to destroy America by destroying the family--that is a given. However, the full extent of their operatives has just become clear to Landover Baptist researchers. We've all heard the rally cry "defend traditional marriage". But did you know that even the bills being introduced to Congress and the House to define marriage as "One man, one woman" are tainted with the terrible stench of liberals?
Now, once you pick your jaw up off of the floor, I will explain it to you....
We all know that marriage is between a man and a woman. But a Godly Christian family is constituted of a Godly Man and hundreds, if not thousands, of wives! Not to mention the in-house stock of sexual objects called "Concubines" that hang around to answer the call for when the man is ready to disperse some seed. Did you know that King Solomon had 1,000 wives?
Much like his wine and precious stone collection, King Solomon had a vast array of a thousand wives, sitting and waiting on him. However, one must be sure that he is strong in the Lord, because he mustn't be turned astray by his wives as Solomon once was. Even one woman is difficult to keep on the straight and narrow, so 1,000 wives is probably a bit too hefty for the average man. A good analogy would be trying to herd 1,000 cats
What these liberals who promote the "one man, one woman" doctrine will tell you is that the Bible only allows one wife, but what they are trying to do is limit your proliferation. As the Bible says in Genesis 1:28, we are to "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it". These liberals want to limit you to 10 kids or less, to minimize your impact on this earth. Now these salad-bar Christians will tell you that the Bible says in Mark 8, "
8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." But let us think about this for a minute. Let's say a man marries a woman. They are then joined in one flesh (presumably the male flesh). Come a month later and the man is bored with this woman, and he marries another woman: they are also joined as one--so what was previously one man is now a group of one man and two women, but still one flesh, just as the Bible says. It's a simple process of assimiliation.
Now, when some liberal Christian tries to tell you that marriage is defined as one man, one woman, you can set them straight. Remind them that reading their Bible is an excellent way to learn what Jesus really wants--an array of nearly 1,000 wives. Imagine what our Sunday services would look like!
We are all well-aware of the gay agenda to destroy America by destroying the family--that is a given. However, the full extent of their operatives has just become clear to Landover Baptist researchers. We've all heard the rally cry "defend traditional marriage". But did you know that even the bills being introduced to Congress and the House to define marriage as "One man, one woman" are tainted with the terrible stench of liberals?
Now, once you pick your jaw up off of the floor, I will explain it to you....
We all know that marriage is between a man and a woman. But a Godly Christian family is constituted of a Godly Man and hundreds, if not thousands, of wives! Not to mention the in-house stock of sexual objects called "Concubines" that hang around to answer the call for when the man is ready to disperse some seed. Did you know that King Solomon had 1,000 wives?
Originally posted by I Kings 11:1-3
Much like his wine and precious stone collection, King Solomon had a vast array of a thousand wives, sitting and waiting on him. However, one must be sure that he is strong in the Lord, because he mustn't be turned astray by his wives as Solomon once was. Even one woman is difficult to keep on the straight and narrow, so 1,000 wives is probably a bit too hefty for the average man. A good analogy would be trying to herd 1,000 cats
What these liberals who promote the "one man, one woman" doctrine will tell you is that the Bible only allows one wife, but what they are trying to do is limit your proliferation. As the Bible says in Genesis 1:28, we are to "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it". These liberals want to limit you to 10 kids or less, to minimize your impact on this earth. Now these salad-bar Christians will tell you that the Bible says in Mark 8, "
8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." But let us think about this for a minute. Let's say a man marries a woman. They are then joined in one flesh (presumably the male flesh). Come a month later and the man is bored with this woman, and he marries another woman: they are also joined as one--so what was previously one man is now a group of one man and two women, but still one flesh, just as the Bible says. It's a simple process of assimiliation.
Now, when some liberal Christian tries to tell you that marriage is defined as one man, one woman, you can set them straight. Remind them that reading their Bible is an excellent way to learn what Jesus really wants--an array of nearly 1,000 wives. Imagine what our Sunday services would look like!
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