Please pray for ACTA

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Dear members of the Landover Baptist Church, some of you may be aware of the soon-to-be passed treaty of ACTA, or the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. This treaty was first proposed in 2007, under the Godly George W. Bush administration. It is still under negotiation but this should be done before the end of the year. Praise the LORD!

We are all aware of the dangerous threat that the Internet poses to our children, community and society as a whole. ACTA plans to stop dangerous internet activity. What will it do?

Protect copyright laws and enforce laws on intellectual property rights

This means that access to movies, music and other sinful media will be greatly restricted. The internet is a source of these Satanic influences to our youngsters. If their access to violent, sin-promoting nigra music and sexually explicit movies is denied, they will have to spend their time working on better activities, like reading the KJV Bible.

Enforce laws against counterfeit goods, including generic medications

Counterfeited goods are a form of stealing, and the 1611 KJV Bible is clear on what God thinks of stealing: it's bad!

Thou shalt not steal. (Exodus 20:15)

ACTA will stop trade of these goods over the internet, including medications. Producers of medication in developed countries, like the USA, generally do not supply third-world countries, like Africa and Iceland, with their products, because it is not as profitable. Therefore, the only way that these countries can get medication is through the internet. If this is disallowed, those lucky African nigras won't have to resort to counterfeit medication to cure their diseases, but instead will use Godly Prayer™ to the LORD to cure their ailments! Praise Jesus!

But when Jesus knew it, he withdrew himself from thence: and great multitudes followed him, and he healed them all; (Matthew 12:15)

Allow internet service providers to censor internet websites and monited users online activity

This means that sinful websites like porn sites and sites promoting the devil will be censored. Also, sinners will be monitered to ensure that they do not go against the Divine Will of the LORD™. If they do so, they will be banned from using the internet. This way, our internet will be free of sinners and we True Christians™ can enjoy the good, clean internet for legitimate purposes.

Unfortunately, many people oppose ACTA, saying that it violates their constitutional rights. They are even going so far as to protest against it! Brothers and Sisters in Christ, we must unite and pray to the LORD that ACTA goes through, and that these laws are enforced by the Godly US Government. Amen and praise the LORD!

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Please pray for ACTA

Praised be, Brother Jacob, you took the words right out of my mouth. Or actually, you kind of spilled the beans a bit too early, but no matter, since we are all good Christians here and thus we all support the corporate agenda, which is blessed by God.

My company has been involved in the ACTA negotiations ever since their inception. As you can imagine, we had to keep the contents of the agreement secret from the public, since liberal leftists and other terrorists would do everything in their power to thwart my company's efforts to create a corporate-led world government whose sole purpose was to extract maximum revenue out of everybody from the lowliest African goat herder to the highest-paid Wal-Mart greeter. Of course, CEOs like me will be exempt from these new rules, because after all we must answer to a Higher Power, The Golden Rule - "The one who has the gold makes the rules."

Don't get me wrong - ACTA is not Big Government (rather, it is privatized Big Government, which is good). Indeed, history has taught us that when you give the government too much power, you get high taxes and disastrous income-leveling schemes that prevent people like me from becoming trillionaires, while handing out free healthcare to the undeserving poor. Pretty soon you'll have welfare queens riding around in Cadillacs, while corporate executives like me will barely be able to afford to keep the fleet of LearJets running.


The gap between rich and poor is very small

Surely, you wouldn't want that, would you? It would be communism, like that advocated by Al Gore and the Global Warmists. That soon leads to government-run death panels sending granny to the glue factory, socialist national parks (as opposed to privatized estates and country clubs), abortion, gay marriage, and teaching evolution in school.

So ACTA is a good thing. When it passes without debate in a secret late-night congressional vote (preferably while the public is being distracted by 24-hour coverage of the Miss America Beauty Pageant), all our problems will be solved. Americans will wake up the next day to find that everything they do is illegal unless they pay rent. With corporate CEOs firmly in control, our nation and indeed the whole world will be a more prosperous place, at least for the top 1% of income earners.

As for the other 99% - hey, some of that wealth will trickle down. We rich will always need to hire goons to protect us. Plus you've always got the chance to become rich yourself. That's what those Las Vegas casinos are for. All you've got to do is play keno and guess 20 numbers. Simple really. In any given game you've got one chance in 3,535,316,142,212,173,800.000 of winning - that's even better odds that being struck by a meteorite! And if you can't afford a trip to Vegas, there's always lottery tickets for sale at 7-Eleven.

Of course, you won't want to pay taxes on all that money once you win, which is why all patriotic Republicans support extending the Bush tax cuts for the rich. Obama, of course, wants to steal that money and give it to gay illegal aliens from Kenya - don't be fooled!


Just one lottery ticket away from becoming a billionaire

As for those who continue to oppose ACTA despite it's many benefits: if you don't like it, you can always leave. Remember, ACTA only affects planet Earth. It has no jurisdiction on the Moon, Mars and elsewhere in the universe (unlike Obama's "universal health care." So if you bleeding-heart liberals find our worldwide corporate governance to be unacceptable, do as Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney suggest: "Go take a flying f*ck at the Moon!"

[Nobar King]

Re: Please pray for ACTA

I'll support ACTA, but I'm not sure that a prayer is warranted.

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: Please pray for ACTA

Brother Fred, I apologize if I leaked any information prematurely. And Brother Nobar, why does this not warrant prayer? I've definately been praying. ACTA clearly has many advantages and will make the world a better place!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Please pray for ACTA

Brother Fred, I apologize if I leaked any information prematurely. And Brother Nobar, why does this not warrant prayer? I've definately been praying. ACTA clearly has many advantages and will make the world a better place!

GLORY Brother it will make the World a Better Place; it will reward the people Jesus loves; the rich, while punishing the people who hate Christ; the poor.

We need ACTA and we needed it now!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Please pray for ACTA

The rich are blessed by God. You will recall the words to the old hymn, “God made them high and lowly/ and ordered their estate”? Well, that is how life is and should be.

The poor are always with us, as Jesus Himself casually remarked. He is aware that there are thieves for He will come like one in the night. This is why the Godly rich have high walls, dogs and security guards – many of the poor simple do not take note of the Commandment quoted that “Thou shallt not steal.”

The poor are poor because they have no self-control or moral compass; the rich must therefore enforce self-control on them with laws that protect the God-Given status that they rightly hold.

The rich may well wish to advertise their wares to other rich people. The unfortunate thing is that the Interwebs allow the poor to have ideas about owning these fine and costly objects – objects they simply have not earned and never can. The poor think that they can obtain satisfaction by stealing them but what is a moment’s satisfaction compared with an eternity in Hell?

No, the poor should learn to do without things and realize that a humble life of servitude is what God has, in His Infinite Wisdom, ordained for them.