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  • #76
    Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

    Kris M,

    Please stop derailing the topic. The truth of the matter is you scored a 15 on my test which makes you a probable vampire. Anyone who scores that high surely is involved with the occult, blood drinking, Satan worship, etc. I would like to ask you some questions, if you'd be kind enough to respond.

    1. At what age did you begin your ritual practice?
    2. How often do you have sexual intercourse with succubi, demons, and other spirits?
    3. Did you turn to the occult before or after your first gay encounter?
    4. Has any minister ever tried to perform an exorcism on you? Would you be interested in one?

    I believe Jesus brought you here because He wants you to be healed. Vampirism is curable disease, just like homosexuality or atheism. Through the power of prayer, you can become a righteous young man, and not have your soul whored out to whatever dark Satanic force there is out there.

    Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

    Comment

    • #77
      Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

      Oh, praise the lord, Reverend. Just to be sure, I gave my lovely wife Beatrice Alabaster Phibes, the test, and it appears that yes, yes she is a vampire, which means all twelve of our children are as well. Well, half vampire and half True Christian!
      sigpic
      Ameyown! And don't forget to join me here http://the-official-god-blog.blogspot.com/ and follow me on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/Doctor.Minister.Josiah.Phibes

      Comment

      • #78
        Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

        Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
        Kris M,

        Please stop derailing the topic. The truth of the matter is you scored a 15 on my test which makes you a probable vampire. Anyone who scores that high surely is involved with the occult, blood drinking, Satan worship, etc. I would like to ask you some questions, if you'd be kind enough to respond.

        1. At what age did you begin your ritual practice?
        2. How often do you have sexual intercourse with succubi, demons, and other spirits?
        3. Did you turn to the occult before or after your first gay encounter?
        4. Has any minister ever tried to perform an exorcism on you? Would you be interested in one?
        I believe Jesus brought you here because He wants you to be healed. Vampirism is curable disease, just like homosexuality or atheism. Through the power of prayer, you can become a righteous young man, and not have your soul whored out to whatever dark Satanic force there is out there.
        Reverend, I can assure you, I'm not into blood-drinking or satan worship or ANYTHING like that.

        I'll answer your questions here:

        1. I don't perform rituals or any sort of witchcraft or demon worship.
        2. I've only ever had intercourse with 1 male (who was HUMAN, by the way) and that was before I found Jesus.
        3. I've never had a gay encounter and the last time I was even remotely "into" the occult was when I was about 14 and I watched the show Charmed everyday. (Nowadays I can't believe I was EVER into that show!)
        4. Yes, actually a minister DID perform an exorcism on me when I was about 19. That was when I turned to God and Jesus.

        Now, about your test: about 1/3 - about half of the questions had more to do with emos and rebellious teenagers than they did vampires.
        And I apologize for derailing the topic, but people started calling me a nazi and a democrat and I felt the need to defend myself.
        2 Thessalonians 2:15
        15 Therefore, brethren, stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle.

        Comment

        • #79
          Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

          Originally posted by Kris M View Post
          but people started calling me a nazi and a democrat and I felt the need to defend myself
          I can appreciate you getting mad over people calling you a democrat.
          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

          Comment

          • #80
            Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

            Originally posted by Kris M View Post
            And I apologize for derailing the topic, but people started calling me a nazi and a democrat and I felt the need to defend myself.
            While you are defensive you don''t deny you are a Democrat. You know who else doesn't deny they are a Democrat?

            Jimmy Carter!

            (Jimmy Carter also claims to have found Christ at nineteen!)

            Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

            Hot Must ReadThreads!


            Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

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            • #81
              Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

              Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
              While you are defensive you don''t deny you are a Democrat...
              Actually...
              Originally posted by Kris M
              ...And, no, I am NOT a democrat.
              ...I DID deny it from the beginning.
              2 Thessalonians 2:15
              15 Therefore, brethren, stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle.

              Comment

              • #82
                Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

                Matthew 7:22 How well did you know your exorcist? Why did you need exorcising?

                Comment

                • #83
                  Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

                  Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                  Please be safe this Helloween season since this is often the time when vampires come out more in public and also get more bold in their activities.
                  I think you're mistaking "real" vampires with normal people who are in costume.

                  Comment

                  • #84
                    Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

                    Originally posted by Scarlet Wynter View Post
                    I think you're mistaking "real" vampires with normal people who are in costume.
                    I will punish ... all such as are clothed with strange apparel. -- Zephaniah 1:8
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • #85
                      Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

                      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                      I will punish ... all such as are clothed with strange apparel. -- Zephaniah 1:8
                      Okay, so God will punish those wearing costumes, that still doesn't mean they're "real" vampires though.

                      Comment

                      • #86
                        Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

                        Originally posted by Scarlet Wynter View Post
                        Okay, so God will punish those wearing costumes, that still doesn't mean they're "real" vampires though.
                        Hmm, how did I know you'd find your way to this thread . . .

                        I suppose you can tell us all about "real" vampires?
                        Bible boring? Nonsense!
                        Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                        You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                        Comment

                        • #87
                          Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

                          Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                          Hmm, how did I know you'd find your way to this thread . . .

                          I suppose you can tell us all about "real" vampires?
                          With the search option, of course.
                          All I can say about "real" vampires is simply that you all have been watching too many movies.

                          Comment

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