[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Maybe you should meet with Rev. Osborn. I believe he set the vampiresses JennyD and LostGirlNY free from their terrible imprisonment to bloodlust. Maybe he can also help you!

[Ibelievenietzchienot]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I got 17 and I know I am human......

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

When do I get all the cool powers like being able to turn into a bat?

Never. Satan lied to you.

[NightwishDweeb]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Vampires have been commonplace for thousands of years. While there are many fantasy works such as Bram Stoker's Dracula, the film Dracula, Anne Rice's novels, and now the Twilight books and films, these beings are not just restricted to fantasy and overactive goth imaginations. Vampires are real and on Earth to do Satan's bidding.

The most famous real-life vampire was Vlad the Impaler, the original Count Dracula, who used to impale his victims with long poles (hence his namesake) and drink their blood. Another famous vampire was the lesbian countess Elizabeth d'Bathory of Hungary who killed hundreds of virgin girls and bathed in their blood. But, these vampires didn't just exist in the past. Even today, there are vampire cults springing up everywhere and their numbers are spreading. More people than ever are publicly self-identifying as vampires.

Vampires are people who sell their souls to the Devil in exchange for supernatural powers. They kill people and drink their blood to gain their power. They perform rituals in service to Satan. They are enemies of Christ and must be stopped.

The following is a test/checklist that any concerned True Christian™ can do on a suspected vampire. It is imperative that any concerned parent whose child is dabbling in emo/goth/occult practices to test them to make sure if they have become a vampire or plan on it. You may want to print out this page and carry it around with you for quick reference on identifying suspected vampires.


Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.)
2. Has pale, light skin.
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult.
5. Wears all black constantly.
6. Has a preoccupation with death.
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food.
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces.
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations.
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming".
13. Eats meat rather voraciously.
14. The person plays electric guitar.
15. Afraid of fire.
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual.
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints.
18. Watches horror films.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities.
21. Has sharp teeth.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women).
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points]

How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so.
16+. Definitely a vampire.

Please be safe this Helloween season since this is often the time when vampires come out more in public and also get more bold in their activities.

1: twilight? please its NOT a vampire movie/book its romance (have you seen it?) btw i like fantasy literature so i take the point
3: I used to be a Security Officer i worked mainly nights does it count?
5: whats wrong with that?
7: most heavy metal songwriters are deeply cahristian, they go to church regulary
9: i hate anything shoved in my face
11: does past relatioships count?
12: of course!
14: play guitar but i prefer acoustic does that count?
15: i dont want to walk through fire
17: whats wrong with that? doesnt people have a freedom of oppinion in this country?
18: love them
20: define role playing please
21: i chipped some of my teeth in various fights
25: arent cats and other pets/animals creations of God?
27: i dont like gatherings
28: i take that as a complement

i have scored 18 does it make me a bad person?

[Ultros]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Some of these are incorrect... I'll bold which ones...

Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.)
2. Has pale, light skin. (Can Change)
   
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult.
5. Wears all black constantly.
6. Has a preoccupation with death.
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food. (Garlic Is Tasty)
   
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces. (Crosses, no)
   
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations.
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming".
13. Eats meat rather voraciously.
14. The person plays electric guitar.
15. Afraid of fire. (Actually Likes Fire)
    
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual.
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints.
18. Watches horror films.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities.
21. Has sharp teeth.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women). (Some Do.)
    
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points]

All else is true.

[proteastantguy]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Let me see.

Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.) No way.
2. Has pale, light skin. Not even close to.
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day. Nah I've got things to do at day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult. No.
5. Wears all black constantly. No.
6. Has a preoccupation with death. No
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music. Yes.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food. No
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces.
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations. No
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming". No to be honest, I'm quite uncharming.
13. Eats meat rather voraciously. No
14. The person plays electric guitar. No
15. Afraid of fire. No
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual. No
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints. Yes
18. Watches horror films. Sometimes.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities. Never.
21. Has sharp teeth. No.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day. Not true.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort. No.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets. I do endeed like cats.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13. No.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast. Yes.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age. Not true
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women). No, make-
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points] No

How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so.
16+. Definitely a vampire.

Please be safe this Helloween season since this is often the time when vampires come out more in public and also get more bold in their activities.

Around 5 points.

[SUV]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Aren't they the ones that come knocking on your door with "literature" to try to interest you in their "Religion?"

[proteastantguy]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Aren't they the ones that come knocking on your door with "literature" to try to interest you in their "Religion?"

The Jehovas witnesses? I guess they are vampires in disguise.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

The Jehovas witnesses? I guess they are vampires in disguise.

A poor disguise.

[proteastantguy]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

A poor disguise.

Very poor indeed.

[gustos]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

What's wrong with electric guitar?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

What's wrong with electric guitar?

Isn't it obvious? Why do you think they make them with penis shaped corners?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

What's wrong with electric guitar?

Everything. Electric guitars are from Satan.

[Kris M]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Let's see:

Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.)
2. Has pale, light skin.
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult.
5. Wears all black constantly.
6. Has a preoccupation with death.
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food.
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces.
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations.
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming".
13. Eats meat rather voraciously.
14. The person plays electric guitar.
15. Afraid of fire.
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual.
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints.
18. Watches horror films.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities.
21. Has sharp teeth.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women).
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points]

How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so.
16+. Definitely a vampire.

1. Anne Rice: yes, I believe she is a talented writer; Twilight: no, WAY too cheesy and I never really liked the hype surrounding it. +1
2. Yes, it's just natural in my family. +1
3. Yes, I just find it natural for me. +1
4. Not really anymore, but I used to be. Does it still count?
5. I don't wear ALL black anymore, but I still wear black everyday. It's just paired with other colors nowadays, such as pink or purple. +1
6. I do think about death, but it's just because I know that it's just a part of life. Everyone dies eventually, and if it's my time then it's my time. +1
7. I tend to listen to Evanecence, which isn't technically goth/emo/heavy metal/etc.., but you all seem to think so, sooo... +1
8. I actually like garlic.
9. I'm actually a Christian myself and enjoy crosses.
10. I'm not deceitful, I'm very honest.
11. I've only slept with 1 person and that was before I became a Christian.
12. I don't see how someone finding someone else "charming" is evil. Do you all have some other definition of "charming"?
13. I actually rarely eat meat, and when I do I have a lot of manners.
14. I don't play electric guitar myself, but I know plenty of people who do. I play the piano pretty well.
15. A fire in a fireplace or on a candle? No, why would I find it frightening? My house on fire (especially while I'm still in it)? Yes, just like any sane person would be afraid. I'm not sure of this counts as a point or not.
16. No.
17. Most of my viewpoints tend to be more conservative, surprisingly.
18. Yes. I know that it's fiction so I'm able to enjoy them. +1
19. No. (not anymore)
20. I did in my Theatre Arts class my freshman year in high school. +1
21. Not really.
22. It's not that I don't like sunlight, it's that my skin is pretty sensitive. +1
23. No.
24. No.
25. I don't find anything wrong with cats. +1
26. I was born on the 13th and turned 13-years-old on Friday the 13th. I find nothing wrong with the number 13. +1
27. I've never been "preppy" and had different opinions than others, so it was (and still is) hard to make friends. +1
28. I'm 21 and I look 21. I have been mistaken for a 15-year-old before. Does it still count.
29. Normally, I just wear a little eyeliner. But I'll wear some foundation and a nice lipgloss if I feel like getting all dressed up. Nothing really "heavy" though.
30. No!

And my tally is:
12 (or 15 depending on your definitions of certain things)

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Let's see:
And my tally is:
12 (or 15 depending on your definitions of certain things)

So you are a blood sucker who lives of the vitality of your betters. In other words a Democrat, just like Adolph Hitler.