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  • great2Bsaved
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Aug 2010
    • 34

    #31
    Re: Muslim Jokes

    An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond. The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen," which means: "Don't drink the water; the cows have crapped in it."
    The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."
    The Amish man says: "Use two hands, you'll get more."



    Osama Bin Laden came to his cave one day and saw this graffiti:
    "OSAMA FUCKS GOATS" on the group toilet wall. "It's a lie, " Osama yelled out to his fellow mujahideen, "The goat backed into me, while I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain."



    Q: What's the Muslim word for that useless part surrounding a vagina?
    A: A woman.



    An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

    Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water.

    But, then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

    "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

    "A thousand pardons, O illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "An infidel is sitting on the well."



    What do Muslim women have in common with hockey players?

    They both wait until after three periods to change their pads!

    Comment

    • Shela Tansper
      Forum Member
      Forum Member
      • Sep 2010
      • 240

      #32
      Re: Muslim Jokes

      Two muslim men are showing pictures of their children to each other. The first says: "This is my oldest, Muhammed. He was a martyr.... this is my second oldest, Muhammed. He was a martyr too.... This is my baby boy, Muhammed. One day I hope he will be a martyr too."
      The other replies: "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

      Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
      A: Dress her up as a goat

      Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
      A. What's toilet paper?

      Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
      .A Tickle the goat under the chin.

      Q - When is the only time you can spit in a arab womans face?
      A - When her mustache is on fire!
      .

      Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
      A. A pimp.

      Q. What's the difference between ET and Muslims?
      A. ET got the point and went home.

      Q. Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a Muslim funeral?
      A. There's only 2 handles on a garbage can.

      Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!

      What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward? "Live ammunition."

      And finally

      Osama Bin Laden memo


      To: All Al Queda Fighters

      From: Bin Laden, Osama

      Subject: The Cave


      Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:

      First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster... have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).

      Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the living daylights out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the "Wassup" thing. Thanks.

      Third: Food. I bought a box of chocolate biscuits recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my biscuits were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

      Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the infidels' bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

      Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

      Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the "chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain" will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey area.)

      Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

      Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.

      PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.
      Last edited by Shela Tansper; 09-13-2010, 02:52 AM. Reason: added more
      The Shela Tansper corrective school for boys 13 to 18 years old

      King James Bible v1611
      A passage a day keeps satan away

      Comment

      • Titus Templeton
        Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
        Jesus macht frei
        True Christian™
        • Aug 2010
        • 5912

        #33
        Re: Muslim Jokes

        -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
        -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
        -Holocaust Jokes
        -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
        -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
        -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
        -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
        -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

        Comment

        • Retrovir
          Unsaved trash, Potty-mouthed Zit-Infested Teen
          • Apr 2016
          • 59

          #34
          Re: Muslim Jokes

          Person 1: oh boy looks like we have run out of toilet paper!Person 2: fear not mate, we got the holy bible KJV.

          Comment

          • Roland
            Obese Swedish Meatball
            Delusional Forum Member
            • May 2014
            • 2193

            #35
            Re: Muslim Jokes

            Originally posted by Retrovir View Post
            Person 1: oh boy looks like we have run out of toilet paper!Person 2: fear not mate, we got the holy bible KJV.
            What has this to do with Muslims or jokes?

            Edit: As not to be a spoilsport hereby my contribution.



            Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

            Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.

            Comment

            • Elmer G. White
              Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
              Victim of atheist scientific persecution
               
              • Apr 2014
              • 10273

              #36
              Re: Muslim Jokes

              Originally posted by Retrovir View Post
              Person 1: oh boy looks like we have run out of toilet paper!Person 2: fear not mate, we got the holy bible KJV.
              Yes, dear child,

              Muslims of other Catholicks do not revere our Holy Book but desacrate it every chance they get. However, I fail to understand how this could be funny. In fact, it is sad that these blsphemers will have to spend the Eternity in agony.

              John 3:18
              He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.


              Why do wish to laugh at the poor souls who reject Jesus and embrace an Eternity in Hell?


              Yours in Christ,

              Elmer
              2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



              PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
              Check out our Research in Creation Science:

              Comment

              • Roland
                Obese Swedish Meatball
                Delusional Forum Member
                • May 2014
                • 2193

                #37
                Re: Muslim Jokes

                Originally posted by Roland View Post
                [...]
                I should have given you the context: https://vimeo.com/162455052

                Kind regards,

                Roland
                Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

                Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.

                Comment

                • Leroy Llewelyn
                  True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Aug 2016
                  • 118

                  #38
                  Re: Muslim Jokes

                  A tourist is leaving a Belfast pub one night when a man emerges from the shadows and levels a .455 Webley Mk VI revolver at him. "Catlick or Protestant," he asks.

                  Knowing that the wrong answer could get him killed, the quick thinking tourist says, "I'm a moslem, actually."


                  The man with the gun smiles, cocks his pistol and says, "Sure and if I'm not the luckiest Joo in Ireland!"
                  And they entered into a covenant to seek the Lord God of their fathers with all their heart and with all their soul;
                  That whosoever would not seek the Lord God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
                  2 Chronicles 15:12-13

                  Comment

                  • Thomas Taylor
                    Forum Member
                    Forum Member
                    • Oct 2012
                    • 1486

                    #39
                    Re: Muslim Jokes

                    New Year 2017
                    Attached Files
                    Isaiah 66:15

                    For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

                    Comment

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