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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22929

    #1

    A New Car!

    So Landover Church has bought me a new car. This one has so much technology that it’s taking some getting used to but I’m working on it.

    One of the features is a large thing like an iPad in the center of the dashboard with a touch-screen. If I want to alter the a/c, all I have to do is press the button in the top row that has a picture of a house on it. I am then shown 4 windows marked “Engine”, “Lights”, “Interior,” “Mode”. I press “Interior” and then a menu appears that lists “Steering”, “Seats”, “Windows”, “Sunroof”, some others I can’t remember, and, if you press the down-arrow, at the bottom, “Airconditioning.”

    I press “Airconditioning” and then I see the boxes for “On”, “Off”, Recirculation” and “Fresh”. I choose which one I want and then two sliders for “Temperature” and “Fan Speed” appear. I make the adjustment and press “OK”.

    If it’s not quite right, all you have to do is rinse and repeat. I often play with this, just for the joy of how cleverly designed it all is. As my old fingers jab at buttons and choices, this staring at the screen passes a long journey when not much is happening on the highway. It’s so simple and I laugh at the old car that had nothing but a few crude knobs to do the same thing.

    I mention this as I found that this huge color screen does something else: It shows videos! Now at the moment, I think there’s something wrong with it. The videos don’t show up when the car’s in Park or Drive. They only show when it’s in Reverse. I’d like to get this fixed.

    The other thing is that the videos are usually the same – a piece of road videoed about 2 foot above the ground. Sometimes there’ll be other cars, buildings, or houses but sometimes it’s just a wall. I assume that if I contact the car maker, I’ll probably be able to buy other, more interesting ones such as a car repair video that is on this one. (I like car repair stuff.)
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    Having said that, at Walmart the other day, I did notice a new one: An old woman walked into the screen from the left, the camera went right up to her and she hit the ground and disappeared under the camera. Is this a demo video? Do any of you have it? I missed the start and the end, so I don’t know if there was an address to write to for more.




    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • Johny Joe Hold
    Mayor of Freehold
     
    • Feb 2010
    • 13036

    #2
    I saw in the budget Landover had purchased you a new car, Pastor Bathfire. The hope is you will enjoy it and speed from saving one sinner to the next. The new technology may be challenging. Videos like the one of a woman diving for safety while you back the car up are not relevant to your work as a pastor.
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

    Comment

    • Madame Frottage
      Forum Member, Midget Porn Enthusiast
      • Jan 2025
      • 287

      #3
      I hope it has a powerful vroom-vroom and that you won't pull a Princess Di.
      I was told get thee to a rectory. But then I saw Father Maurice ministering to Jerome the altar boy which tells me it has something to do with rectums.

      Comment

      • Adam Fag
        Unsaved trash, some kind of fag
        • Jan 2012
        • 651

        #4
        I need a car - stick shift, can push start
        one ton, long tray
        rear wheel drive please with no screen, less to go wrong
        if you can send me the form I'll get it back to you same day

        Thanks

        Proverbs 20:23 Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD; and a false balance is not good.

        Comment

        • Ezekiel Bathfire
          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
          Christ's Rottweiler
           
          • Jan 2008
          • 22929

          #5
          Originally posted by Adam Fag View Post
          I need a car - stick shift, can push start one ton, long tray, rear wheel drive please with no screen, less to go wrong. if you can send me the form I'll get it back to you same day
          I don't see what you have against screens, but then I don't see what you have against most things. Anyhoo, You could pray to Jesus....
          sigpic


          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

          Author of such illuminating essays as,
          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

          Comment

          • Adam Fag
            Unsaved trash, some kind of fag
            • Jan 2012
            • 651

            #6
            Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
            I don't see what you have against screens
            Less to go wrong.

            If I pray, when will I know if it's worked?

            Do I have to stand up in church and say "Oh God I so need a car with stick shift and rear wheel drive" or not?

            (At least Zeke might hear me and buy one: poof "prayer works!" and if it did, you bet I'd sign up.)



            Proverbs 20:23 Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD; and a false balance is not good.

            Comment

            • Ezekiel Bathfire
              Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
              Christ's Rottweiler
               
              • Jan 2008
              • 22929

              #7
              Originally posted by Adam Fag View Post
              Less to go wrong.

              If I pray, when will I know if it's worked?
              It always works. It's like God because prayer is "of God". There are two scenarios:
              You pray:
              1. Nothing apparently happens
              2. Your prayer is granted.

              In the first instance, this means that what you prayed for was not in God's Plan - so He corrects you by showing you that what ever you wished for has a better alternative - it's for you to pray for guidance to discover what the Godly alternative is.

              In the second instance, this is great praise - you are thinking like God (and you can't do that every time!)

              Do I have to stand up in church and say "Oh God I so need a car with stick shift and rear wheel drive" or not?
              Absolutely not. Matthew 6:6
              But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
              (At least Zeke might hear me and buy one: poof "prayer works!" and if it did, you bet I'd sign up.)
              You and Zeke are not at all alike. It is like God not hearing the voice of sinners (except when they repent and accept Jesus, which, for the purposes of this post, I will assume you will do).

              No, The system works like this: You pray for a car. If God's plan involves your having a car then God will reveal that restricted part of His Plan to Zeke. It will then be that Zeke feels he ought to buy you a car or offer you a car at a discount price from the "Chariots of Iron" car lot, or perhaps Zeke will be moved by the Spirit to give you a hot tip about a widow with a cheap car for sale.

              I'll be frank - it's unlikely that God's plan involves your owning a better car.
              sigpic


              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

              Author of such illuminating essays as,
              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

              Comment

              • Romeo Rovagnati
                Jesuit Insurgency Operative
                Forum Member
                • Aug 2016
                • 765

                #8
                Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
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                Mr. Bathfire, other than being too old for playing with a Playstation Portable, isn't it too dangerous to do it when you drive a car?
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                If you want to be protected, you should put a Pray Station instead!

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