Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

[Spring Heeled Jack]

The streets of Freehold are a cesspool of crime and moral decay. The police in this town continue to feed us lies and sell us the idea that our town is safe, and the complacent sheeple of this town are more than happy to eat that lie with a smile on their face. For the last few weeks I've been going out at night - in mask and costume - fighting the scum in the streets of this town. My goal is to uncover the seedy underbelly of this town. This will be my crime log; a place where I will post every criminal I bust during the average day.

September 5th, 2010. 1:11am: From my vantage point atop the shopping center I witnessed the owner of Gino's Brick Oven Pizza illegally dumping flat soda from his soda fountain down the sewer. I jumped into action and swung down onto Gino, kicking him in the temple and knocking him out cold. While he was unconscious I duct taped him to a street pole. When he came to I lectured him on the importance of not dumping in our sewers, which pollutes our local lakes, rivers and ponds. I left a sign on him that read "Litter Bug" and as he began cursing my name I jumped with my spring-loaded shoes into a pile of garbage bags (I'm still getting used to my spring shoes). Once I was back on my feet I jumped off to the nearest pay phone to alert the lazy police that I had done their job for them.

Another night on the street, another criminal brought to justice. How many more people must suffer before something is done?

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Mr. Jack,
Have you noticed all the pigeons that roost on the overhead utility lines downtown. Anytime my car is parked anywhere near the courthouse after dusk it gets covered in droppings. I have mentioned it to the Mayor but nothing has been done. Is this something you could deal with? I believe these winged rats have terrorized our town long enough, help us , spring into action Jack.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I see, so this is where you will confess to your crimes, Jack? That will be handy!

In your first entry, I see assault, unlawful imprisonment, and torture. What's next, murder? Rape?

I urge the Freehold police to put this miscreant in jail as soon as possible. He's starting his own crime wave!

[Lisa H]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I received a email from a friend, saying about that time in the same location, her husband was driving by when a person fitting the same description, jumped in front of his car. This caused him to swerve and hit a post. Causing damage to his car.

[Spring Heeled Jack]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I received a email from a friend, saying about that time in the same location, her husband was driving by when a person fitting the same description, jumped in front of his car. This caused him to swerve and hit a post. Causing damage to his car.

You can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. This city has a lot of problems and unfortunately a few people are going to get hurt before it's over.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

-The Spring Heeled Jack

[Lisa H]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

You can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. This city has a lot of problems and unfortunately a few people are going to get hurt before it's over.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

-The Spring Heeled Jack

My friend is concerned that the damage to the car maybe costly. Are you willing to pay for the damage.

[Spring Heeled Jack]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

September 5, 2010. 11:00pm: I saw a couple of kids drinking Jagermeister in the parking lot behind the liquor store. I swooped down on them but was outnumbered. They came at me with pipes. I kicked one in the groin and pepper sprayed him in the face. Another one came at me with a metal garbage can so I kicked him through the window of the Bail Bonds store. The third one made off in his car, with me in hot pursuit. I hopped in the Spring Heeled Jack mobile and chased him down. He tried to run me off the road but I slammed on the breaks and he went onto the sidewalk, nearly hitting a biker and taking out a mailbox in the process. Driving at least 100mph I quickly gained on him as he continued on and shot the front wheel of his car out with my Spring Heeled Jack dart. His car instantly flipped onto its roof and slid about 50 yards through the window of Large Marge's Diner. The criminal was bleeding from the head and going into shock. I kept him alive long enough for the police to arrive and then I made off into the night.

Tonight I got three drunkards off the streets of Freehold. What were the police doing? Probably watching Dancing With the Stars.

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

These are the ramblings of a psychotic madman! You are putting the residents of this town at far greater risk by trying to fight crime than you would if you just stayed home and played World of Warcraft in your mom's basement. Your deeds will not go unpunished, and I will not sleep until I find out who you are!

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Well I am much more concerned about my safety since the madman has shown up.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I would like to remind the good tax payers of Freehold that the Police Department has made this Spring Heeled Jack a top priority.

Spring Heeled Jack (or Spring Heeled Jackass, as we have come to call him at the PD) is wanted for assault and battery, false imprisonment, destruction of both public and private property, evading arrest, trespassing, disturbing the peace, speeding, reckless driving and generally endangering the citizens of our fair city.

The FPD is offering a reward of $1,000 dollars to anybody who can provide information or proof of identity of this so-called "Spring Heel Jack" that leads to his arrest.

Citizens are urged to keep their doors and windows locked at night, and to keep a phone handy in case they spot anybody matching the description of this joker prowling in their neighborhood.

Together, we can bring Spring Heeled Jack to justice, and make our town safe again!

[landoverlover]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I came across these lyrics displayed on the Internets. Is there an entire backstory missing here?

***

Well, He creeps through the alley like a jungle cat
In a dirty black cape and an old top hat
From the rooftops, he watches the street
You better pray to God that you don't meet
That creepy old man so watch your back
For that mean ************ named Springheeled Jack

Well, he spits hellfire and poison gas
'Cause he eats dead pigeons and sewer rats
He leaps tall buildings in a single bound
One look and he'll put you underground
Yeah, you never know when he will attack
'Cause he's a mean ************ named Springheeled Jack

If he knocks upon your door
For the love of God, don't let him in
He'll tear you up, he'll tear you out
And he'll take you away...

You may say that it's in the past
And that jumpin' killer ain't comin' back
Well, you may be right, and you may be wrong
But I know he's never really gone
Can't you tell from the way I act
That I was born from the blood of Springheeled Jack?

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

September 5th, 2010. 1:11am: From my vantage point atop the shopping center I witnessed the owner of Gino's Brick Oven Pizza illegally dumping flat soda from his soda fountain down the sewer.

Businessmen of Freehold, if you thought that the only intrusion into your private business would come from big, liberal government, think again. Spring Heeled Jack wants to make YOUR business HIS business!

I jumped into action and swung down onto Gino, kicking him in the temple and knocking him out cold. While he was unconscious I duct taped him to a street pole.

Assault and battery, followed by false imprisonment, with an arguable case of grievous bodily harm. How secure we all feel to have you around, Jacko!

When he came to I lectured him on the importance of not dumping in our sewers, which pollutes our local lakes, rivers and ponds

Spring Heeled Jack is a radical environmentalist leftist!

Sir, I suggest you stop this spree at once and turn yourself into the authorities!

[Lisa H]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I would like to remind the good tax payers of Freehold that the Police Department has made this Spring Heeled Jack a top priority.

Spring Heeled Jack (or Spring Heeled Jackass, as we have come to call him at the PD) is wanted for assault and battery, false imprisonment, destruction of both public and private property, evading arrest, trespassing, disturbing the peace, speeding, reckless driving and generally endangering the citizens of our fair city.

The FPD is offering a reward of $1,000 dollars to anybody who can provide information or proof of identity of this so-called "Spring Heel Jack" that leads to his arrest.

Citizens are urged to keep their doors and windows locked at night, and to keep a phone handy in case they spot anybody matching the description of this joker prowling in their neighborhood.

Together, we can bring Spring Heeled Jack to justice, and make our town safe again!

My friend whose husband had the accident gave me this description.

"tall man with devilish features with large pointed ears and nose, and protruding glowing eyes and what looked metallic claws on his fingertips.

I had also sent you a picture of my shoes and stockings that went missing when Spring Heeled Jack turned up.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I came across these lyrics displayed on the Internets. Is there an entire backstory missing here?

I think this gets closer to his mind set:

*****
Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack - What's up, Earthlets Landover?

Hysterical Citizen - Mutants have entered the city!

MCTV Newsflash - From their holes in cursed earth
The mutants crossed the chem-cloud burst
Nothing in their hearts but hate
Breaking down the city gates!

Judge Thud Ofc. Richards - All citizens stay in your zones
Do not panic
Repeat Do not panic stay in your zones.

Rookie Judges Pastors - From Justice hall to Zappa Block
We Patrol the streets around the clock

Sister sump Chaz - Judge, Judge, Judge, Judge, Judge, Judge, Judge jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack

Mutie - My god, My brains exploding

Caruso Block Male Voice Choir - Try to hide you could not run away.

Memphis Mutants - Sixteen muties on a dead norm's chest
Heat-seeker bullet will do the rest,
Yo - ho, Yo - ho, Yo - ho.

Sister sump Chaz - When mutants are waiting on every corner
Remember to call for Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack

Lawmaster Bike - Survival Factor 75% and decreasing
60% and decreasing

MCTV Newsflash - The city's being overrun by mutants.

Joe Norm Johny Joe Hold - I am normal, not no juve, I am getting out of my cube
I am normal, I am clean, I'm not frightened and I won't scream.

Sister Sump - When your in danger and you are frightened
Remember to call for Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack

Joe Norm Johny Joe Hold - Why should I call anyone, I am not frightened
Why should I be frightened ?
Aaaaaiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Sister sump Chaz - When mutants are waiting on every corner
Remember to call for Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack

Mutie - Don't be slow got to run, mutie coming with his gun!

Mutie - Don't stop gotta keep running

Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack - Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack

Mutie - Don't stop gotta keep running

Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack - What's up Earthlets Landover?

Mutie - Don't stop gotta keep running

Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack - I am the law ….. I am Judge Dredd Springheeled Jack

[Dingleberry]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

September 5, 2010. 11:00pm: I saw a couple of kids drinking Jagermeister in the parking lot behind the liquor store. I swooped down on them but was outnumbered. They came at me with pipes. I kicked one in the groin and pepper sprayed him in the face. Another one came at me with a metal garbage can so I kicked him through the window of the Bail Bonds store. The third one made off in his car, with me in hot pursuit. I hopped in the Spring Heeled Jack mobile and chased him down. He tried to run me off the road but I slammed on the breaks and he went onto the sidewalk, nearly hitting a biker and taking out a mailbox in the process. Driving at least 100mph I quickly gained on him as he continued on and shot the front wheel of his car out with my Spring Heeled Jack dart. His car instantly flipped onto its roof and slid about 50 yards through the window of Large Marge's Diner. The criminal was bleeding from the head and going into shock. I kept him alive long enough for the police to arrive and then I made off into the night.

Tonight I got three drunkards off the streets of Freehold. What were the police doing? Probably watching Dancing With the Stars.

Whats with the purple writing, Its a bit gay isn't it?
Watch out, they hate gays here..