I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Pray for my swift recovery!

I'm sort of shell shocked right now. Don't worry, I didn't cry or do any of that "don't ask don't tell" crap that I've seen done by so many pansies arriving on the medivacs.

Ok, I'll start at the start.

When we moved into the Green Zone, there were a handful of feral cats hiding in this or that corner. No big deal, we figured.

Then some people started adopting them - only those State Department commies, and those idiot jarheads and grunts that are always getting in the way (Newsflash retards: Iraq is safer than Detriot! You're needed in Detriot, not here hogging our swimming pool!). Anyway, next thing you know there's kittens all over he place.

When Halliburton's management found out about this, they gave out an order to shoot all felines on sight.

The official reason is that cats spread disease (it's true: anything that eats rats can't be very clean! Wasn't the Black Plauge spread by cats?). Since Halliburton is such a Godly company, no doubt the satanic nature of cats was also a motivation.

Well, we killed some, but the rest escaped right under out noses. It turns out that certain traitors in our midst were running safehouses for the kitties! So it was time to organize a search-and-destroy mission.

I became head of a squad of Filipino contract workers assigned to a search-and-destroy mission. I drilled into them that we were searching for biological weapons and any mercy could get us all killed, but this was redundant: as devout Catholics they already hated cats with a passion.

I managed to corner the last one, grabbed it by its collar, and was managed to strangle it, but not before it inflicted this:



Well, I'm trying to get the medals I've earned (at least a Bronze Star, and of course my Purple Heart) but I'm getting all sorts of stupid excuses. They're all "you're a civilian" and "purple hearts are for combat wounds needing medical treatment" and other nonsense.

These hypocrites gave John Kerry a Purple Heart! They consider "combat fatigue" and "PSTD" to be real things, yet they won't recognize my heroic battle against Saddam's insurgents armed with biological weapons?!?!?!?

Please pray for my quick recovery, and for the souls of the traitors in the liberal-bias pentagon!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Trent,

I will remember you in my prayers. I rejoice to Jesus He has real heroes like you fighting His war against evil.

Frankly I am horrified by your stories on how the Iraq war is following about in the nine months that the Democrats have run it.

[Brother V]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

WMD is that a Weapon of Mouse Destruction?

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

WMD is that a Weapon of Mouse Destruction?

ARE YOUMOCKINGME?!?!?!?

If you think you're so tough, I'd like to hear about how many terrorists you've killed? I've killed 11, plus I chopped the tail off one which eventually bled to death.

WHERE'S MY PARADE?!?!?!?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

WMD is that a Weapon of Mouse Destruction?

THESE are weapons of mouse destruction.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Oh you poor thing Brother Trent!

I'm going to send you a care package.

A Chi pet to relax you, some twinkies and an album to remind you of home.

I Hope you enjoy them. Hurry and get better!

Lve, Sister Thumper

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

THESE are weapons of mouse destruction.

Oh my GOD Pastor Al. I feel so flattered you kept my picture of me and my darling little kittuns Daisy Belle.

[Brother V]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

ARE YOUMOCKINGME?!?!?!?

If you think you're so tough, I'd like to hear about how many terrorists you've killed? I've killed 11, plus I chopped the tail off one which eventually bled to death.

WHERE'S MY PARADE?!?!?!?

Sorry brother if it seemed that way.

I just read part of this article;

Secular News Source

The No. 2 U.S. commander in Iraq said Thursday that a seven-month-old security operation has cut violence in Baghdad by half,

I don't need to read any more than that sentence fragment to know that the article deals with the cat hunt and how it's cutting down on the violence.

PRAISE JESUS

and

I'm sure I'm not the first to say it, but it can't be said enough.

Thank you for all the hard work that you do.

YIC
V

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

We will make sure you get your parade, brother Trent. Just don't expect the media to give you one. In fact, you might want to follow the President's example and just ignore anything other than the New Media (Fox News). That means stop reading, this because I'm going to give an example of the Old Media. So stop reading now.

Have you stopped reading yet? Okay, they report on the WMD attack yet not the heroic Green Zone intern who nipped it in the bud:

First cholera case confirmed in Baghdad

By SAMEER N. YACOUB, Associated Press Writer 36 minutes ago



BAGHDAD - The World Health Organization confirmed on Thursday the first cholera case in Baghdad since 2003, raising fears the disease is spreading from the north of the country where it has struck more than 1,000 people.

A 25-year-old woman from eastern Baghdad was found to have cholera after she turned up at a hospital with severe diarrhea, said Dr. Naeema al-Gasseer, the WHO's representative in Iraq.

Cholera is a gastrointestinal disease that is typically spread by drinking contaminated water...

Al-Gasseer said health authorities were concerned the disease could spread because of the movement of people within Iraq's borders. Hundreds of thousands of displaced people have been forced to flee their homes because of violence.

A disease that would otherwise be easily treatable has been made all the more dangerous because of Iraq's precarious security situation following the U.S.-led invasion that toppled Saddam Hussein in 2003.

"We need to look at safe water, safe import of food, hygiene, the network of water and the network of sewage disposal," al-Gasseer said in a telephone interview.

The latest WHO report dated Sept. 14 reported a total of 24,532 cases....Al-Gasseer also said some 100,000 tons of chlorine were being held up at Iraq's border with Jordan, apparently because of fears the chemical could be used in explosives. She urged authorities to release it for use in decontaminating water supplies.

Insurgents in the country staged several chlorine truck bombings this year, killing scores of Iraqis.

Typical biased garbage that spits on our troops. They're all about how Iraqis are taking the lack of chlorine, but what about the poor folks in the green zone who had no chlorine in their swimming pool? They grinned and bore it, they toughed it out, you don't see them whining like certain populations of brown people I can name.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Godly point Jeb, those Iraqis needs to tough it up an accept that a Freedom Omelet(r) means some broken eggs. Those deaths from cholera will be well worth it if it stops them from being murdered with chlorine.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

I'm going to be taking some time off while I heal. Got to lick my wounds before heading back into the fray. My apartment just won't do: I will need to recuperate somewhere with good, nourishing food and lots of young daughters to provide tender, loving care.

Who wants to host a conquering hero? The bidding starts now.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Have you stopped reading yet? Okay, they report on the WMD attack yet not the heroic Green Zone intern who nipped it in the bud:

First cholera case confirmed in Baghdad

By SAMEER N. YACOUB, Associated Press Writer 36 minutes ago



BAGHDAD - The World Health Organization confirmed on Thursday the first cholera case in Baghdad since 2003, raising fears the disease is spreading from the north of the country where it has struck more than 1,000 people.

A 25-year-old woman from eastern Baghdad was found to have cholera after she turned up at a hospital with severe diarrhea, said Dr. Naeema al-Gasseer, the WHO's representative in Iraq.

Cholera is a gastrointestinal disease that is typically spread by drinking contaminated water...

Praise Jesus! You know what century I associate cholera with? The 19th. This just goes to show how much progress is being made in Iraq. At the end of the last Gulf War, we'd bombed Iraq back to the stone age. I think it's fair to say that in the following decade of sanctions and so on, not much social progress was made. And now, under the benevolent guidance of America, they've reached the 19th Century! That's got to be around 4000 years worth of human history, crammed into less than half a decade! I'll never understand the liberal media - how can they even begin to pretend that Iraqis living in 19th Century conditions is a bad thing?

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

I'm going to be taking some time off while I heal. Got to lick my wounds before heading back into the fray. My apartment just won't do: I will need to recuperate somewhere with good, nourishing food and lots of young daughters to provide tender, loving care.

Who wants to host a conquering hero? The bidding starts now.

Whatever you do, don't go to Walter Reed! That place is reserved for whiney little non-heroes who cry about how they "dont want to return to combat with only 3 limbs" or that they have "family members to take care of". Democrats, basically. Pastor Zeke can put you in touch with the GOP to put you up in some 5-star rehab station where I hear Lindsay Lohan might be. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to meet an up-and-coming hero who will no doubt full the textbooks with his heroics

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Got to lick my wounds before heading back into the fray...

Who wants to host a conquering hero? The bidding starts now.

Well, licking your wounds sounds dangerously close to masterbation, but I can have one of the maids lick your wounds for you.

Anyway, as for my bid:



Here's "JebLand North" just after I bought it, the veranda, pool, gardens, shooting range and stoning range were under construction when this picture was taken.

Here's the well-stocked "non-alcoholic grade juice" cellar, and yes, that's real imported Jerusalem limestone:



If Iran nukes us, this is where we'll shelter, with the maids, brainstorming ideas for how to repopulate the Earth.



It's even got a secret entrance, so that after the rapture when heathens are pillaging the place, they can't get my "juice".

But assuming that there's no nuclear war or rapture, you'll be spending lots of time soaking up the sun in the backyard, and don't worry, you won't even have to do the work of sweating, I have a misting system that will do your sweating for you:



I'm sure nobody will even TRY to outbid this!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

I'm sure nobody will even TRY to outbid this!

Umm, I know it's not really suitable for a war hero, but I've had a spare room (well, more a cellar, really) ever since my Polack ran away or died or whatever happened to her. I'm aware I'm not selling this very well, but c'mon! It'll be fun! We can stay up all night and read the Bible and, um, eat rice. Have I mentioned it's been over two months since the last flood?