[lesdong chingchong]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

Of course you do. You probably use kittens for sling-shot practice, too.

Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.

Impossible. A True Christian™ neither rapes, nor gets raped. Since m**********n is naught but self-rape, no self-respecting True Christian™ would be even remotely interested. Sin holds no temptation over us.

[nDrew777]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.

Masturbation is:

• Genocide: killing millions of cells, which may have become humans.
• Selfishness: doing it for your own pleasure
• Fornication: "That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthey 5,28)
• It may cause weak vision or blindness
• It may cause hairy hands
• It may cause acnes
• and anyway, its is Disgusting, and separates from God.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.

[nDrew777]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.

That is great Pastor Ezekiel.
How much does it cost, and how to order it?

[Witch Hammer]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.

I'll take the lot!

When used in conjunction with one of these anti-sodomy barriers:



We might just be able to cure perversion once and for all, God willing.

The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it. Even then, passers by may shout rude things like, "hey, papa smurf! How's it hangin'? HaHaHahahahaha!!!"

Jesus will laugh last, and He will laugh best!

[Nobar King]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it.

You might not be inserting it the right way.

[WWJDnow]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.

Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.

Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?

[WWJDnow]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.

Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?

I figured it would just rust away after 10 years or so, but old Doc Abernathy made a very high quality product.

[nDrew777]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Brothers.

I don't know, how to proove it, but I haven't been masturbating for more years now.
Priase Jesus, I am clean.

I didn't ask this before, but ...

If you agree with me ...

Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?

I'm not sure you can afford it.

[nDrew777]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I'm not sure you can afford it.

I had a dream last night.
God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
And He told me, that I ask you for this title.

So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.

I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.

[Nobar King]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I'm not sure you can afford it.

He has a lot of extra commas, maybe he can sell those.

[Basilissa]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I had a dream last night.
God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
And He told me, that I ask you for this title.

So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.

I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.

Dear Andy (may I call you Andy? Or should I say András instead?). Let me explain something to you. God spoke directly to people when the Bible was still being written, simply because the Bible was not complete yet. Nowadays we have the Bible, which contains everything that God wants us to know. He doesn't speak to people anymore, He has the Bible for that. Well, I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you.

Did you understand, or should I use Google translate, sweetie?

[Didymus Much]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

...I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you...

Or you?

A more interesting thing would be to hear nDrew's explanation for why God tells him one thing (that he is an ex-mastubator and a True Christian™) but tells someone else (Zeke) something completely different.