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  • Ebenezer Wright
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Jul 2008
    • 1021

    #1

    New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

    Brothers in Christ,

    With the release of the new Smart Memory Bra I fear we are in some trouble. This bra is designed to increase in size as a females body temperature rises, so the further she falls into Satan's grasp, the bigger her chest becomes!

    I haven't done enough research yet to reveal the true purpose of this bra, but I can assume this much:
    • The Bra may be used as an explosive device. The heat from a woman who is toying with sinful thoughts could easily inflate this bra past its max capacity.
    • A Christian male who refuses to give into lust and remove the bra could easily lose an eye or suffucate from the inflating chest-ware.
    The Slovenian design uses a heat sensitive foam in the bras padding -- as body temperature rises, so do does the wearer's bosom. The interesting result, as several lads mags (always keen to keep a-breast of the latest trends in lingerie) have noted, is that cleavage will become more or less pronounced depending on whether the wearer sees something that gets her heart pounding.

    Ergo should the wearer see a man that tickles her fancy, not only will her body temperature rise, so will the bust, like a welcome flag to the fellow in question.

    It feels almost natural, like a second skin," explains Ana Dmitrovic from Lisca.
    Horrifying!

    Pervert Bra Source
    Pray hard and be on the lookout Brothers!

    Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!

    Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324

    #2
    Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

    Actually this is a good idea. Then we can all see who is having whorish thoughts. Not only should it grow, but set of an alarm that loudly exclaims, "I am a whore! I am a whore!"
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


    sigpic

    Comment

    • Rev. Jim Osborne
      True Christian™ Televangelist
      Director of Fundraising and Tithing
      On the Look Out for Wife #6!
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2009
      • 8622

      #3
      Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

      Yes, eliot is right, this will enable us to pinpoint whores easier and faster than ever before. Next time I see a buxom woman walking down the street, I'll know she is wearing one of these bras and is thinking sinful thoughts. A couple hours with me one-on-one, witnessing for Christ will set her harlot ways straight.

      EDIT: Ebenezer, you don't happen to know how I can contact that model in the bra, do you? It sickens me to see her mock Jesus by having that happy look on her face as she undresses in front of the camera! She should be ashamed of herself. I'd really like to meet her and talk to her and give her a little piece of my mind...

      Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

      Comment

      • James Hutchins
        True Christian™
        Just a Regular Nice Guy
         
        • Jun 2009
        • 29453

        #4
        Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

        I think they should of had a 'buzzer' option for the visually impared.
        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

        Comment

        • Mad Prophet Helmholtz
          Recovering Outpatient From The Landover Rehabilitation Unit
          Forum Member
          • May 2009
          • 666

          #5
          Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

          Originally posted by James Hutchins
          I think they should of had a 'buzzer' option for the visually impared.
          Blind people get along just fine by feeling and touching everything...
          sigpic
          SPACESHIP JESUS appeared to me in Astronaut form when I was staying in a motel in 1974. He then told me the TRUTH about our world and what illusions the SATANIC ALLIANCE uses to control us! To this day, I still receive SPACESHIP RADIO SIGNALS INTO MY BRAIN. Absolve yourself of your limited Matrix existence.

          Hosea 9:7
          The days of visitation are come, the days of recompence are come; Israel shall know it: the prophet is a fool, the spiritual man is mad, for the multitude of thine iniquity, and the great hatred.

          Comment

          • James Hutchins
            True Christian™
            Just a Regular Nice Guy
             
            • Jun 2009
            • 29453

            #6
            Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

            Originally posted by Mad Prophet Helmholtz View Post
            Blind people get along just fine by feeling and touching everything...
            That would require two squeezes, a before and after to gage the change. Some women would consider that a date.
            Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
            Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
            Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
            Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
            Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
            Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

            Comment

            • Nobar King
              Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
              Christ's Guardian
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2007
              • 23748

              #7
              Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

              I don't see any data to show that the bra actually changes size. I'll believe it when I see it.
              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

              Comment

              • Ofc. Don W. Richards
                True Christian™ Officer of THE Law
                True Christian™
                • Jun 2009
                • 491

                #8
                Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

                This can only mean more teen sex, and more illegitimate children, and that means more queers and robbers. That just makes my job harder, but it's what I do.

                But part of being a cop is not just responding to crime, it's also preventing crime. I'll be on the lookout for women wearing this bra, and if I have reasonable cause, I won't hesitate to perform a strip search and seize the device before it induces some kind of sex frenzy like they have out in San Francisco.
                Latest Headlines From Sheriff's Office:

                Sheriff Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids


                Sheriff Richards Busts Up Satanic Cult Operating out of local Haunted House


                Sheriff Richards a Hero for saving Dying Man


                Sheriff Richards Schools the Amish in Scripture


                7 Year-Old Coveter Learns the Hard Way


                Sheriff Richards cleans up 4-way stop


                Sheriff Richards busts Arch Nemesis, Shane!


                FPD to Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus Ordinance


                Sheriff Don W. Richards Cleans Up County Roads

                Comment

                • lord warrior
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 406

                  #9
                  Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

                  Our school system had heard about these, and banned them. They found 6th and 7th graders lighting matches under them to make them look like high school girls. Several members of the football team became so enthralled that they could not help themselves. Whole thing was up on TNR, before it was deleted. This just makes little girls into unabashed whores. Now when I sub driving the school bus, I must personally check to see if any of the girls have one on. The things they make us do now.

                  Comment

                  • Satan Is THAT bad
                    Unsaved trash
                    • Jun 2009
                    • 20

                    #10
                    Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

                    If I ever caught my sister with one of these I would stone her to death with censored copies of Harry Potter and Twilight. Then I would set her on fire.

                    Demon whores who are trapped in the abyss of evil deserve to spend eternity with Lucifer.
                    My username is SERIOUS just in case anyone wonders.

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78553

                      #11
                      Re: New Smart Bra - Satan's Death Balloons

                      Originally posted by Satan Is THAT bad View Post
                      If I ever caught my sister with one of these I would stone her to death with censored copies of Harry Potter and Twilight. Then I would set her on fire.

                      Demon whores who are trapped in the abyss of evil deserve to spend eternity with Lucifer.
                      Friend, we don't advocate violence around here. The Bible says that we are to obey secular laws.

                      Use a little common sense. Books are for burning, rocks are for stoning.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment

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