My wife cooks----badly

[ChoirBoy]

God praise her, she tries. But my wifes food is terrible.

Never enough salt, never enough flavor. Praise be to Jesus, even the bacon is horrible.

I have "taught" her many times, but she just can't cook.

Any thoughts?

To be fair, the food is edible, and we do not go hungry, she just can't cook worth a lick and I relish the days we go out to a local restaurant. (Not one of those jap or jew places, just a decent american place like Pizza Hut or Red Lobster)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Have the servants do the cooking.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Did she grow up in a lieberal, "equality" home where the dad stayed home while mom was some shoulderpads-wearing careerist? If so, she was probably not taught how to cook growing up. It is absolutely vital that women teach their daughters everything needed to be a domestic housewife so by the time they get married, they don't have to "learn on the job".

[ChoirBoy]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Have the servants do the cooking.

Our only servant is Tonisha. We hired her from a nearby town to help the slum dweller understand and accept Jesus into her life. However, I do not fully trust that she would not steal our plastic spatulas.

We allow her to do our laundry, although it seems that she uses or misplaces more Tide than normal, and she also gets to clean the dog doody. Once she is truly a believer, we will let her cook.

Last night, we tried something different and added some seasoned salt to our meal. That was a drastic improvement and the young children actually asked for seconds. Perhaps the cooking can be saved after all.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

[...]Last night, we tried something different and added some seasoned salt to our meal. That was a drastic improvement and the young children actually asked for seconds. Perhaps the cooking can be saved after all.

Lu:14:34: Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned?

and then where will you be?

You may have a case against the father of your wife. He should have known that her cooking skills were minimal and disclosed the matter before the contract of betrothal. However, if during the course of your courtship, you partook of her food and, infatuated, commended it, then you have none to blame but yourself.

In all circumstances, you should consult "The Ladies of Landover" who will ensure that your wife has skills and demeanor exactly the same as all of them.

[ChoirBoy]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Lu:14:34: Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned?

and then where will you be?

You may have a case against the father of your wife. He should have known that her cooking skills were minimal and disclosed the matter before the contract of betrothal. However, if during the course of your courtship, you partook of her food and, infatuated, commended it, then you have none to blame but yourself.

In all circumstances, you should consult "The Ladies of Landover" who will ensure that your wife has skills and demeanor exactly the same as all of them.

Thank you for the tip, I shall pursue with them the best method to bring her cooking up to what it should be.

During our brief courtship, we spent a large amount of meal times at her parents dining room table. Her mother's cooking was superb, and I was told that my betrothed was always at her side during the preparation of the meals.

It is our strong beliefs that kept our courtship on the up and up, so we of course spent our time together with her family and mine, praying about our future together under our lord. Naturally, we did not live together in holy sin before our union.

So, no, it wasn't disclosed. I would take that matter up with her father, but he has passed on, God rest his soul. It does, however, explain why her dowry was only $50 and a pig. (Her mother made a fabulous meal of the pig the night before our nuptials, by the way.

I trust in the Ladies of Landover to steer her towards increasing her culinary skills, as that is the only skills in which she does not measure up to what I feel is needed.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Good; women are naturally created to be able to cook, wash, take care of children, etc., it is their position. No matter how deeply hidden, this innate Gift of God can be brought out.

The difficulty is that men do not have the gift of cooking directly* but are able, by virute of their superior intellect, to comment on any matter. As, 200 years ago, another Christian said, "I do not have to be a carpenter to say that the table wobbles."

I'm sure we would be interested in your wife's progress.

*This seems to have died out after God no longer required cooked sacrifice.

[StarrKingGrad]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

I have "taught" her many times, but she just can't cook.

If you know how to cook, why don't you start cooking for the family? Even better, cook together with her. That way she will gradually absorb your knowledge, and you will have quality time with the woman you love.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

If you know how to cook, why don't you start cooking for the family? Even better, cook together with her. That way she will gradually absorb your knowledge, and you will have quality time with the woman you love.

He means he has beaten her because she failed him. Man don't cook, unless they are gay.

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Pizza Hut or Red Lobster)

I certainly hope you're only eating fish and no crabs, lobsters, shrimp, scallops, etc.

And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you. (Deuteronomy 14:10)

[ChoirBoy]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

I certainly hope you're only eating fish and no crabs, lobsters, shrimp, scallops, etc.

And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you. (Deuteronomy 14:10)

Of course. The only thing edible at Red Lobster is the fish. I have to go in the back and stand next to the cook (A fine black fellow with three teeth) to make sure he cooks our fish separately from the other seafood in fresh grease.

Pizza Hut is another story. I have to make our pizza myself because they hire people of the hindu faith there and there is simply no trusting them at all.

We try to tell them of the ways of the lord, but they always walk away before we get to the final words of Genesis13.8 So Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers.."

Honestly, you would think this dot heads would want peace under the lord instead of the farce they have as religion now.

[Jed_Cassidy]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Practice makes perfect, Brother.

Third times the charm.


With these vital formulas in mind, I suggest that your wife prepares each meal three times. Meaning, for your breakfast of biscuits and gravy, bacon and eggs, have her fix it up once....throw it out....fix it up a second time.....throw it out, and then by the third time she makes the meal, it should be suitable for your consumption! Repeat this for each meal every day, and whenever you want a sandwich or something.

I tried this method with my wife, Bernadette, and let me tell you, it worked wonders. Hope it helps!

Jed

[TC Patriot]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

She can make what Jooish women make for dinner.... Reservations.

I would sit he in front of the and make her watch Paula Deen until her eyes are blood shot.

When my wife was a poor cook I would feed what she made to the dogs and then I'd beat her in front of our daughter as an example for them. Even our youngest girl is a good cook and she has won blue ribbons at the LBC 4-H club.

It is not that your wife can't. It is a matter of won't. She needs a beating!

[Barry]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Talking of "Scallops", do you think if they had a religion they would believe when they die, the bad ones would become ash trays and the good ones would become mermaids bras?

[SheepOfGod]

Re: My wife cooks----badly

Hire a nero maid