[Binksy1000]

Re: I had an erection in church

I have never been married (nor do I ever intend to be married) but I HAVE suffered from the plight of the erectile tissue of my penis becoming engorged with my blood. A medical acquaintance ensures me that this is entirely "normal" in a man of my age, and that such incidences will become more infrequent with time. I am now in my sixty-sixth year, and pray that that particular time will be upon me very soon.

It is truly unfortunate that you suffered this embarrassment during service, but it brought to mind the Holy Book, and specifically Corinthians 6:19,20;

"Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and so you should glorify God with it."

These were the exact words I spoke to my good friend Simon, when he first joined our "Jolly Good Friends Society of Oban, Western Isles, Inner Hebrides", and confided in me about certain feelings he'd been having.

I prefer not to go into detail, but suffice to say that these feelings were making him extremely unhappy and confused. After quoting Corinthians and explaining that, as one of God's Children, he should rejoice in these feelings and seek an outlet for them he became very excited indeed.
I felt that it was my duty, as one of the Lord's representatives on Earth, to be a vessel for his feelings.
Simon's relief was palpable, on multiple occasions.

So, Brother King, think more Corinthians 6:19,20 and less Genesis 38:6-10.
Your erect penis is a celebration of your love of God. Your erect penis is a sign of your devotion to the Lord. Your erect penis is a magnificent, glorious, strong, long, manly totem of love.

REJOICE!

[whattheeff]

Re: I had an erection in church

I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.

this is pretty gay

[Felicity]

Re: I had an erection in church

@whattheeff Welcome!

Since you are new here please look at our please read this before posting and our your rights on this forum threads! If you already did that, just do it again. There you can learn that this forum is not about debating or unsaved opinions but about praising Jesus!

If you didn't do that yet, it would be great if you could make a thread of your own in the introductions section of the forum! That way everyone here can meet you and see how much you love Jesus!

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: I had an erection in church

...I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!

Did you get it on the first try? Was it a lucky shot or were you using one of those over-sized Bibles for the visually impaired?





As for Sister Thumper... we haven't seen much of her lately. Is she holed up somewhere baking cakes with files in them for Pastor Fred or maybe back in re-hab again?



Bless you, my tally-whacker whacker,
Father Mo




.

[TC Patriot]

Re: I had an erection in church

Could sporting wood in church mean that if you use that erection your wife will give birth to a Godly child?

[TC Patriot]

Re: I had an erection in church

Did you get it on the first try? Was it a lucky shot or were you using one of those over-sized Bibles for the visually impaired?





As for Sister Thumper... we haven't seen much of her lately. Is she holed up somewhere baking cakes with files in them for Pastor Fred or maybe back in re-hab again?



Bless you, my tally-whacker whacker,
Father Mo




.

Getting boners is why you boy buggerers where dresses and frocks to hide it and the little boys under it.

[Binksy1000]

Re: I had an erection in church

this is pretty gay

There is NO SUCH THING as a PRETTY GAY.

They are an abomination in the eyes of the LORD.

[True Disciple]

Re: I had an erection in church

So, Brother King, think more Corinthians 6:19,20 and less Genesis 38:6-10.
Your erect penis is a celebration of your love of God. Your erect penis is a sign of your devotion to the Lord. Your erect penis is a magnificent, glorious, strong, long, manly totem of love.

REJOICE!

I'm a little torn on this issue, Brother. While it certainly is true that, if we can glorify God with our bodies, then that automatically means that we could glorify Him with our tallywhackers as well, and a tallywhacker rising to Heaven in praise of God certainly isn't an evil thing.

However, the Bible also teaches that sheer size does not make you righteous:

Ezekiel 23:19-21:
Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
Thus thou calledst to remembrance the lewdness of thy youth, in bruising thy teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth.

The Egyptians have huge tallywhackers, says the Bible. Yet, God curses them. We musty remember that, when having an erection, we should do so only if we keep thinking of Jesus all the time.

[AlexanderTheGreat]

Re: I had an erection in church

It's no surprise to have an b0ner in church, with women walking around like Felicity

And like you said it's natural!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I had an erection in church

As for Sister Thumper... we haven't seen much of her lately. Is she holed up somewhere baking cakes with files in them for Pastor Fred or maybe back in re-hab again?

Not that it's any of your business, but I'll have you know that my lovely fiancée of 7 years is currently doing missionary work in the dark jungles of Africa. She is particularly obsessed withinterested in doing up-close and personal work with the Sudanese, who are renowned for being quite....large.

At any rate, the last I heard from her was that she has suffered lockjaw from doing so many large group sessions with the young bucks over there, and that she needed some R&R for several more weeks to accomplish her goals. I'm sure Jesus will keep her safe and send her back to me a new woman.

[sat_an_worshipper]

Re: I had an erection in church

I noticed it from up in my pulpit, brother, but wasn't going to say anything about it. Very impressive by the way.

It must have been embarrassing to have your erection seen by thousands on the church Jumbo tron©.

Wow your commenting on his erection... sounds like a gay guy to me!

[Levi Jones]

Re: I had an erection in church

Wow your commenting on his erection... sounds like a gay guy to me!

Why are you so obsessed with sodomites, friend? Why are you barging all over the forums calling people fags?

Might you be a tad hypocritical? Don't you know hypocritical judgment is a sin?

Matthew 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I had an erection in church

Wow your commenting on his erection... sounds like a gay guy to me!

It sounds like you know a lot about homosexuality, satan worshipper. Been in the field?

[Paul Jeffery]

Re: I had an erection in church

Just a suggestion based on personal experience...

If the captain has been intermittently behaving inappropriately, this works really well to "retrain". With the settings set to level four, at the first signs of obtrusiveness, a tap on the button will deliver a static correction guaranteed to redirect the captain's intentions.

[Nefiron]

Re: I had an erection in church

I tought sexual temptation was something satan created and that everyone, man or woman who would get this feeling of temptation would be punished by god to do so.

And especially in his own house?
I guess he should write a thread in the prayer section to make sure that he will be forgiven.

Don't you guys agree?