[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

You have no compassion whatsoever.

Of course not. Why would they? As far as they are concerned, there is no Heaven or Hell. It would be irrational for them to care about their fellows. At least we True Christians(tm) care about one another, as we scramble to be God's favorite.

[Jedediah]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

Friends,

My family and I would like to thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers during this trying time. We would also like to thank you for all the delicious casseroles and pies your wives have sent over. Rebekah has been inconsolable all week long, and I just haven't been able to find it within myself to put her back to work in the kitchen. A special thanks goes out to Ofc. Richards, who has let me borrow a pair of handcuffs for Isaiah until we find a suitable Christian boarding school for him.

The wake, while sorrowful, was also very moving. Thank you all for your powerful testimonies. While we know that this is all a part of God's Plan, it is still tempting to want to ask why? Why, God? Why are millions of my grandchildren now consigned to eternal torments in the fiery pits of hell? What did they ever do to deserve this? Yet we are reminded that when we don't understand the ways of the LORD, we may yet rejoice in His promises. By turning to the Holy Bible (KJV 1611), I found the answers my heart sought.

Psalm 58:3
The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

Romans 5:12
Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

Jude 1:4
For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

My grandchildren are in hell because that is what they deserve. God knew from at least 6,000 years before they formed in young Isaiah's testes that these souls were unworthy of Salvation and unfit to bear the fruits of the Spirit. If God wants them in hell, I am okay with that. For the Scriptures assure us that when we receive our Heavenly reward, there will be no room for grief or sorrow over those who burn in hell. We will be far too busy glorifying the LORD and enjoying Him to be worried about those who, for whatever reason, did not accept His kind offer of Redemption through the acceptance of Jesus Christ as their personal LORD and Savior.

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

So let the consignment of my millions of grandchildren to unfathomable torments in the lake of fire serve as a reminder of how fortunate those of us who have been given the opportunity to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ truly are. Who knows how many of them would have turned out queer anyways... God surely had His reasons for preordaining them to eternal torments.

I will see you all tomorrow. We'll be ready for everyone by 2:00. The service begins promptly at 3:00.

How did Jedediah lose millions of grandchildren. He only lost one at the most as only one sperm would've gotten in. And what would Jedediah rather want, his son spilling his seed on the ground or his son knocking up a young teenager?

I am not surprised that the mockers and the scorners have arrived to persecute us for our cherished beliefs. The Holy Bible (KJV 1611) tells us to expect as much during these End Times.

Jude 1:16-19
These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men's persons in admiration because of advantage.
But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

Please know that your anti-Christian hate speech only serves to multiply our blessings in Heaven.

Luke 6:22
Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

Jedediah, I hope you don't mind if I share the results of my rigorous investigation. If you don't want this on the internet, just let me know and I'll see if it can be removed.

Preliminary CSI (Christian Science Investigation) lab results and prayer have revealed that the sperm died within twenty minutes of being entombed in the paper towel. Please take some comfort knowing your unborn grandchildren did not suffer very long before the end. Also, the report shows your son may not be getting enough zinc.

The sheriff's office estimates that the murder occurred some time during the early afternoon, and we will be needing to question you and your son as to why he wasn't busy doing something constructive, like reading the Bible or learning to use a firearm. This kind of depravity taking place in broad daylight, and right inside a True Christian home, should be very concerning to all of us.

Your son is currently under investigation for violations of 1 Corinthians 6:18-19, Leviticus 18:22, since a male pleasuring a penis, even his own, is a homosexual action, and potentially Matthew 5:28, depending on if investigators turn up any Playboys or JC Penney catalogs.

Please keep your son under house arrest for us, as it saves me time and tax money not having to book him down at the station. Let me know if you need the key to the handcuffs.

Over and out.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

Brother, I'm sorry I am not able to attend the funeral. As you know, Indiana is a fair distance away, and I figured what with your bathroom being so small, you'd want only close family there for the flushing.

Did the cream pie that I sent you make it OK? I helped Widow Helen make it for you, not because I'm much on doing women's work, but because I thought it would be more meaningful if I put some of myself into it rather than just telling Widow Helen to give you pie.

We froze it and put it in a cooler, then sent it FedEx, so it should still be cold.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

I really enjoyed the wake, brother. The way you passed around the tissue so we could all hug it and hold it and get to know them before your son so callously murdered these amazing living creatures!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

This is the problem with our youth nowadays. Brutally murdering unborn babies without even caring. I blame Disney. Their policy of Donald Duck not wearing pants, to make it easier for Donald to masturbate all day, has corrupted our innocent children!

Sorry I can not make it to the funeral by the way. I broke my hand hitting one of my grandchildren for misquoting Revelation 22:18-19.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

How did Jedediah lose millions of grandchildren. He only lost one at the most as only one sperm would've gotten in. And what would Jedediah rather want, his son spilling his seed on the ground or his son knocking up a young teenager?

What is wrong with you? Why do you intrude on his grief in this, such a painful time?

Are you the kind of person who would turn up at a child's funeral shouting at the parents at the top of your voice that they are stupid fools to care about their children?

Would you hurl faeces at all the mourners, laughing at their ridiculous affection for the poor dead young 'uns all the while spewing hate and bile and venomous spume into their poor crying faces?

You make me sick.

All the best.

[Noah Sole]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

My condolences Brother, take no notice of the Godmocking atheist's hurtful words.

Would you like me to come over and knock some respect into your wayward son before he becomes a serial killer, or would you prefer to keep it in the family?

YIC

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

I'm sorry for your loss Brother Jedediah and even sorrier that I never knew all those murdered spermie souls. I would pray for them, but it seems it was predestined.

To commemorate the day, I hand embroidered this lovely handkerchief. I don't know if it's my art skills or divine intervention, but the flower sort of looks like the scene of the callous, selfish mass murder.

With love,

Sister Thumper

[James Hutchins]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

It was a beautiful service, Brother Jedediah.

It taught my little sons the true meaning of self control. Last night, to drive the point home, I showed some home movies I have of bull dozers pushing piles of dead people (probably joos) into holes. I explained to them that is the same thing as masturbation. You are spilling something valuable, Christian babies (not worthless joos) and dooming them to an eternity of Hell.

[rise my young]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

My deepest condolences goes out to you and you're family!

[ThatBiBoy]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

You guys must have got something wrong, I have been spilling my seed to pictures of jesus and god having very kinky and rough sex for as long as I can remember and jesus told me personally it was fine

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

You guys must have got something wrong, I have been spilling my seed to pictures of jesus and god having very kinky and rough sex for as long as I can remember and jesus told me personally it was fine

No you have not (sigh). You are just another Internet troll attempting (and failing) to get someone to respond to you.

We get lots of your kind who come here to spit on our most cherished beliefs, hoping to get a reaction out of people who actually beleive in some thing pure and Holy.

Well you won't get a rise out me, I can tell you! I've lost count the amount of trolls who I'vensent packing with a flea in thier ear over the past few months. Your sort seek to wind us up and piss on the crying face of the Baby Jesus!

Well I'm wise to your sort: yet another of the anal enthusiast!

That's right: the gaywise, trying to shock God fearing Christians with you perverted anal antics and enema driven lusts.

Well it's not gonna work on me, missy! You people make me sick!

All the best.

[godswraith1]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

Please please tell me this is a pisstake

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Caught My Son Spilling Seed: Funeral Next Saturday at 3:00

Please please tell me this is a pisstake

Yes, the Bible is just a big joke.

Wait until God whispers the punchline to you.