[Bob4God]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Who wins this year's World Series and the 2009 Kentucky Derby?

The Yankees if I remember correctly. They win most of the World Series from now on, especially after the Steinbrenner family buys MLB outright.

As for The 2009 Derby, put your money on Buffalo Shot.

GWB doesnt need your help to bring on the Apocalypse. He's doing well enough on his own thankyou very much. Vote McCain.
BTW, Sludge, who will win the Election?

If only Saint George the Afflicted, as he is known in The Future!, could have remained President for Life, as was the plan of Saint Dick the Angry and Saint Carl the Devious, I would not have needed to return to your time. As for the next election, that is one of the reasons I'm here. This is a time of Temporal Flux (like on Star Trek), where two futures are possible. It is up to us.

I like how you leave yourself plenty of room to back up and say "No I didn't PROMISE it would happen like this" if things don't turn out as you guessed.

Although if you are from the future, I sure would like to know what becomes of me. Why don't you look up good old Bob4God in the Landover record books and news paper archives and tell me what happens to myself, especially if it involves some nonsense about Wiccans and lawsuits over 'emotional distress.'

[VictoryOS]

Re: The Future is Soon!

The Yankees if I remember correctly.

WRONG

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Future is Soon!

The Yankees if I remember correctly.

WRONG

Now now sister. Let's give the boy a chance. I for one find his story quite compelling. He's bringing us God's Truth, only from the pre-Rapture future.

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Thank you for those kind words Pastor Ezekiel, but I knew there would be those who would doubt me. And who wouldn't doubt a story as FANTASTIC as mine? No, this was expected by our entire underground organization, the Dedicated Intrepid Christian Knights. I was chosen by God (and a short straw) to be the one to make the harrowing, one-way journey back through time to help save Christianity, The US of A, and to help usher in the End Time, so we can all get off this rock and up into The Kingdom of Heaven, pronto.

You see, in The Future! something has gone horribly wrong with God's Plan. All peoples of the world (even the bad ones like Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Scientologists, Immigrants, Emigrants, Artists, Fornicators, Fiveicators (they're relatively new), Communists, Fascists, Multiculturalists, Muralists, ALL OF THEM!!!) live together in PEACE! And with the Heretical (scientific) advances made in many fields, Global Warming has been halted and even REVERSED! That has brought sea levels DOWN, creating more land in low lying areas. Which means in places like Bangladesh, you guessed it, MORE folks from the list above! In the former Greatest Country Ever™, there is now more land on both coasts. So those former hotbeds of Secular Humanism are now even more Seculary and more Humanismy. It seems likely that this derailing of God's Plan has somehow postponed the Apocalypse and thus the Rapture.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I'm just a simple hard drinking, womanizing, Christian Rocket Pilot sent through time (nude initially, like in Terminator. It was very embarassing to be forced to reveal my shame in The Future! as well as to arrive in your time so very shamefully) to do the best I can. I guess I should have written some facts down on my shameful nudity with a Sharpie (we still have Sharpies in the Future!) so I could prove myself those that have very reasonable doubts. But like I said, I'm just here to help

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Thank you for those kind words Pastor Ezekiel, but I knew there would be those who would doubt me. And who wouldn't doubt a story as FANTASTIC as mine?

You see, in The Future! something has gone horribly wrong with God's Plan. All peoples of the world (even the bad ones like Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Scientologists, Immigrants, Emigrants, Artists, Fornicators, Fiveicators (they're relatively new), Communists, Fascists, Multiculturalists, Muralists, ALL OF THEM!!!) live together in PEACE!

Okay, now I KNOW you're lying.

Show me where it says any of that communist nonsense in the Holy Bible.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: The Future is Soon!

[...]
You see, in The Future! something has gone horribly wrong with God's Plan. All peoples of the world [...names demons] live together in PEACE! [...]

Let me tell you, son, Nothing, but Nothing has ever gone wrong with God’s Plan! Everything is exactly as He wants it to be and always will be! Praise!
And don’t you come back telling us about:

Genesis:6:5-7 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

Because this shows me that you did not bother reading as far as the Book of Numbers where it clearly says,

Numbers 23:19, God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

My suggestion is that you make your way back to your childhood and take some interest in Bible Class.

In the circumstances, whatever God has done or will do will be within His Plan! However, as far as living in peace with heathens and other vile sinners goes, it is simply not on the cards. Why else did He scatter the tribes at the time of The Tower of Babel?

[Bob4God]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Real or not, I don't even want to THINK about that kind of a future.

[Butt Pirate]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Cpt. Sledge Ridgerock, I must admit you are a highly confusing person.
But if this is all true, and i do hope it is, then i can only say that the future will be interesting.

[Bob Kaare]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Cpt. Sledge Ridgerock, I must admit you are a highly confusing person.
But if this is all true, and i do hope it is, then i can only say that the future will be interesting.

The future shall be quite interesting either way.

[Butt Pirate]

Re: The Future is Soon!

The future shall be quite interesting either way.

I anticipate that it will be the best future yet, the outcome is not quite clear to me at this moment, but i will be able to get back to you about it in the future.

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Okay, now I KNOW you're lying.

Show me where it says any of that communist nonsense in the Holy Bible.

Pastor,
You of course are more familiar with the Bible than I am. In The Future! there are very few Bibles left. So many supposed Christians are distracted by the flying cars, the wall-size holographic 3D entertainment systems, the personal jet packs, and the meals in the form of pills.

The only thing I could find that seems to be about commies follows:


They encourage themselves in an evil matter: they commune of laying snares privily ; they say , Who shall see them?

Psalms 64:5


That sounds pretty bad though, right?

And for the others that doubt me, I will admit also that you all are much more Godly and are Christianer than I. I will study the KJB with all the might I can muster. It will cut into my hard drinking and womanzing time, but it will be well worth it I am sure.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: The Future is Soon!

No doubt you are familiar with SETI. I think its a waste of time and money. When aliens find us, we will know without a doubt because we will be bombarded with calls by some alien telemarketer at dinner time in some indecipherable accent, asking us if we want to buy insurance for protection against meteor showers or solar flares or something.
Theyll find us first, don't you worry.
Can I get my number listed on a 'do not call" list in the future please , Sledge?

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

No doubt you are familiar with SETI. I think its a waste of time and money. When aliens find us, we will know without a doubt because we will be bombarded with calls by some alien telemarketer at dinner time in some indecipherable accent, asking us if we want to buy insurance for protection against meteor showers or solar flares or something.
Theyll find us first, don't you worry.
Can I get my number listed on a 'do not call" list in the future please , Sledge?


Aliens. Don't get me started. Before I was saved, I thought nothing of slaughtering planets full of 'em. We'd find a planet, check it for "intelligent" (uppity) life, and then blast it to bits! But after I was put on The Path (Praise HIM!), I soon realized that ALL aliens were tools or minions of The Cloven One and it was therefore my Christian duty to rid the entire galaxy of their Evilness. After that, my former "thinking nothing" of alien obliteration became a quest, a thirst that could not be slaked for the blood (both metaphorically and literally) of any and all non-earthly life, as it had been revealed to me that Satan controlled them all. Why even now, I feel a fire deep within me, forcing it's way immodestly to the surface of my body when I imagine doing The Lord's work with nuclear missiles and such.

As for your "do not call list" I can only say that we never found any aliens in our neck of the woods that had much more than sharpened sticks. And after we'd got through with 'em, there were a bit on the chrispy side to be bothering anyone here on earth. Most them look like giant bugs, lizards, or blobs of jelly anyway, and I'm not sure they could pick up a phone, let alone use one.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: The Future is Soon!

No doubt you are familiar with SETI. I think its a waste of time and money. When aliens find us, we will know without a doubt because we will be bombarded with calls by some alien telemarketer at dinner time in some indecipherable accent, asking us if we want to buy insurance for protection against meteor showers or solar flares or something.
Theyll find us first, don't you worry.
Can I get my number listed on a 'do not call" list in the future please , Sledge?


Aliens. Don't get me started. Before I was saved, I thought nothing of slaughtering planets full of 'em. We'd find a planet, check it for "intelligent" (uppity) life, and then blast it to bits! But after I was put on The Path (Praise HIM!), I soon realized that ALL aliens were tools or minions of The Cloven One and it was therefore my Christian duty to rid the entire galaxy of their Evilness. After that, my former "thinking nothing" of alien obliteration became a quest, a thirst that could not be slaked for the blood (both metaphorically and literally) of any and all non-earthly life, as it had been revealed to me that Satan controlled them all. Why even now, I feel a fire deep within me, forcing it's way immodestly to the surface of my body when I imagine doing The Lord's work with nuclear missiles and such.

As for your "do not call list" I can only say that we never found any aliens in our neck of the woods that had much more than sharpened sticks. And after we'd got through with 'em, there were a bit on the chrispy side to be bothering anyone here on earth. Most them look like giant bugs, lizards, or blobs of jelly anyway, and I'm not sure they could pick up a phone, let alone use one.

Sure you weren't in Africa?

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

No, it was space. Space is less smelly than Africa and there are fewer fleas.