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The Future is Soon!
Allow me to introduce myself. They call me Sledge, Sledge Riprock. It's actually Capt. Sledge Riprock of the United Space Command. I come from a damned, hellish place called The Future! A place where Godlessness, Heatheness, and Humanismness are rampant. Until recently, I was a hard drinking, womanizing rocket jockey. I spent all of my time blasting around in my rocket ship kicking as much alien butt as possible, while making time for the womanizing and drinking of course. And then, on a mission off the Shoulder of Orion, I found The Lord (not literally of course, Heaven is nowhere near Orion, it's like way farther west). Now I'm a slightly less hard drinking, womanizing Christian Rocket Jockey for Jesus. In addition to the aformentioned alien butt, I now kick Satanic butt as well. Which leaves less time for the womanizing and the drinking, because you really only have so much time in a day, even in The Future!
Which brings to why I'm here, in your time. In The Future! we Christians are few and far between. The twin evils of Rationalism and Liberalism have won the day. It is a dark time indeed (not literally, because of all the renewable, clean energy everything is very well lit). But the few of us truely Enlightened individuals that are left have discovered that you all are living in a critical time. You see, if people are not prevented from being Rational and Liberal by true believers such as ourselves, the world will become a clean, well-lit place where no one believes in The Lord, or God, or Eternal Damnation, or any of the things we Christians hold dear.
In The Future! we few Christians left had heard of the mighty Landover Baptist Church and the chance they had (have) to keep the light of Christianity burning (This time it is literally, because as you all probably know, God buried all of that wonderful coal and oil for hardworking Christians like us to dig up and burn. Praise him!). It is up to you all here to keep the world the way it is, or if possible, make it the way it was a few hundred years back, when people lived in constant fear of a Vengeful God, and kept there heads clear of any and all Rational and Liberal thought. And I'm here to help. You can call me Sledge, Sledge Riprock.
Which brings to why I'm here, in your time. In The Future! we Christians are few and far between. The twin evils of Rationalism and Liberalism have won the day. It is a dark time indeed (not literally, because of all the renewable, clean energy everything is very well lit). But the few of us truely Enlightened individuals that are left have discovered that you all are living in a critical time. You see, if people are not prevented from being Rational and Liberal by true believers such as ourselves, the world will become a clean, well-lit place where no one believes in The Lord, or God, or Eternal Damnation, or any of the things we Christians hold dear.
In The Future! we few Christians left had heard of the mighty Landover Baptist Church and the chance they had (have) to keep the light of Christianity burning (This time it is literally, because as you all probably know, God buried all of that wonderful coal and oil for hardworking Christians like us to dig up and burn. Praise him!). It is up to you all here to keep the world the way it is, or if possible, make it the way it was a few hundred years back, when people lived in constant fear of a Vengeful God, and kept there heads clear of any and all Rational and Liberal thought. And I'm here to help. You can call me Sledge, Sledge Riprock.
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