Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

[Benson Miller]

Hello everyone. I have viewed these forums from the shadows and became immediately interested in signing up soon after reading that your Pastor Ezekiel is looking into buying a jet to spread the gospel of The KJV Bible. From the day I was conceived, I have been a Christian. I found Jesus the very first day I was brought to the good church I was attending. Currently I attend the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg Virginia. I help manage the tithes of the church alongside my colleagues. Rest assured, even though I am an accountant, I am 100 percent not Jewish. I have several famous clients who I can’t identify for confidentiality reasons but most if not all spread the idea of prosperity theology.

I see that I am required to select a favorite bible verse. This isn’t easy as I love all of The Bible. I will go ahead and give one of my top five for you all. Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

I chose this verse because every sermon I attend at my local church has this squeezed into it. It’s also very important in convincing the good men and women to go above and beyond in their tithes so they can help my clients further spread the word of Jesus Christ. Amen.

[Esther B.]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Welcome, Mr. Miller! It warms my heart to see someone actually following the instructions instead of just posting about how excited they are to be here. Tell us, how many Soldiers for Christ have you sired?

[Isabella White]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Hello, Mr. Miller, and to . We are pleased that you have found your way to , and we look forward to fellowship and studying the with you.
Goodness, you're from a rather famous church, aren't you? I'm sure most people have heard of your founding pastor and of his influence and ministry. Have you been employed at the church for long? Not that I'm being nosy or anything of the sort, but I'm just wondering if Mrs. Miller and your children are actively involved in the church, as well.

You will find that we take our commitment to serving the very seriously here. We do not mince our words. We do not cherry-pick favorite bits from the whilst ignoring the parts that make most people rather uncomfortable, such as this:

Mark 9:43-48:
43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:
44 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
45 And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:
46 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
47 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:
48 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

We look forward to getting to know, Mr. Miller. I have no doubt that our Department of Faith is actively working on their very thorough investigation concerning you, at this very moment.

Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Benson Miller]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

I unfortunately have no soldiers of Christ yet. I am a busy man working for The Lord in other ways servicing high profile televangelists. Ecclesiastes 3:13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. To achieve the level of work I have done so far, I have had to put making a family on hold. Don’t get me wrong though. I intend to follow Proverbs 22:6 when the time comes to raise young children of my own for Jesus. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

[Basilissa]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Hello and to our friendly forum, dear! That was a very well composed introduction - I am certainly looking forward to reading more of your posts!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Welcome--we could use some accounting help in Landover Baptist Church Finance Department. Our current effort is to use new accounting software to track our members' tithes.

[Benson Miller]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Much appreciated Basilissa. By any chance, is Landover Baptist Church in need of help turning a higher profit so that the church as a whole can expand itself to reach farther masses of Christians? Are any members of your congregation behind on contractual tithing agreements? I can help with that. I can negotiate Pastor Ezekiel a spot on TBN. Jan Crouch’s television slot has been vacant since she died of a stroke three years ago. I’m more than happy to help out if it means fulfilling the duty of letting everyone know about being a good Christian. After all, the USA is founded upon CHRISTIAN VALUES.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Welcome Mr. Miller. I am surprised I do not know you, seeing I live up Rt. 29 a bit near Walton's Mountains and Charlottesville (that place is chock full of hippies and racially motivated people). Lynchburg is so sensible, not having liquor stores and all bars stopping serving alcoholic beverages at 9 PM, ensure people get home safe.

[Benson Miller]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

It’s actually a pretty sensible long term business incentive to not serve alcohol in stores on Sunday and to have cut off times at 9 PM. Less accidents equals less liability for the good Christian business owners in Lynchburg. Petty liberal hippies down at Liberty University cry about being suppressed when this occurs. The irony deepens when they try to suppress good Christian values brought to the land by a certain client of mine who I won’t reveal due to slanderous comments affecting his properties.

[Dana723]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Hello, and welcome! You remind me of poor Ohio Representative Wes Goodman. A good, conservative Christian man who's life was ruined by fake news. Are you by chance related to him?

[Benson Miller]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

I refuse to comment on that. I will say though that Wes Goodman is an excellent Republican who served on the 87th district. He was forced to resign after several fake news articles circulated that he had extra-marital homosexual affairs. Any questions about that can be directed to his lawyer. Be forewarned that I have heard talk that slanderous comments about him are dealt with swiftly with civil suits. I wouldn’t know though as I am not him. He’s a good guy though from what I know about him. I know that I do look a lot like him but I assure you I am Benson Miller. Good Republican accountant/hedge fund manager residing in Lynchburg Virginia and 100 percent straight (even if I am not married yet).

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Hello and welcome to the forum. It is wonderful to actually meet Jesus and to have Him as a friend moment by moment. Sinners don't understand that relationship and often laugh at us. Before that however I was a dreadful heathen although I didn't know it at the time having attended a Methodist Sunday School before abandoning the Christ I didn't even know. He knew me of course but the freewill He allows us took me to the gutter. Not literally, jet aircraft saw to that, but in the opinions I formed for myself based on a very unreliable source. Satan.

From the day I was conceived, I have been a Christian. I found Jesus the very first day I was brought to the good church I was attending.

One thing I'm having trouble understanding is what happened in between your conception and your finding Jesus? I know that God couldn't just make Eve pregnant and kill that baby to assuage the fire of sin because the acceptable sacrifice was to come from David's line and David had not been born yet even if he existed as an atom in Adam's loins Hebrews 7:9-10 notwithstanding which he felt the need to reflect upon his own conception Psalm 51:5 which was far from ideal.

This is confusing me. At what point did you meet Jesus? Thank you for considering my question.

[Isabella White]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

From the day I was conceived, I have been a Christian.

One thing I'm having trouble understanding is what happened in between your conception and your finding Jesus? At what point did you meet Jesus?

Hello, Mr. Miller: Our dear sister MitzaLizalor raises a very valid point here, and it's one that I, too, found to be peculiar when I had first read your introductory message earlier. What with one thing and another, I failed to voice my concern regarding this during my first message to you.

Perhaps you can clarify: what, exactly, do you mean by, "from the day I was conceived, I have been a Christian"? Are you suggesting that you were born sinless? If so, I might remind you that we, the servants of the here at , know what our blessed says about such things:

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God"

Or, are you suggesting that on the very day on which you were born, you confessed your sins and received the as ?

Romans 10:9 "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

I do so hope that you can provide a satisfactory explanation for your outrageous claim.

Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Basilissa]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Much appreciated Basilissa. By any chance, is Landover Baptist Church in need of help turning a higher profit so that the church as a whole can expand itself to reach farther masses of Christians? Are any members of your congregation behind on contractual tithing agreements? I can help with that. I can negotiate Pastor Ezekiel a spot on TBN. Jan Crouch’s television slot has been vacant since she died of a stroke three years ago. I’m more than happy to help out if it means fulfilling the duty of letting everyone know about being a good Christian. After all, the USA is founded upon CHRISTIAN VALUES.

We appreciate your enthusiasm, dear. However, you must understand that our Pastor Zeke does not socialize just with anyone - so you will need a lot of vetting before we allow you anywhere near him. He is, after all, the spiritual advisor to none else but our beloved President, Donald J. Trump (). Hence, although a lot of people want to socialize with Pastor Zeke, only a few are chosen (Matthew 22:14).

One thing I'm having trouble understanding is what happened in between your conception and your finding Jesus?

That is an excellent question and I think we all would like to know the answer to it.

[Benson Miller]

Re: Greetings from the Thomas Road Baptist Church!

Finding Jesus? I would have to say what really drew me to Jesus and Christianity overall was with how my parents raised me. I lived in a very strict household right down to inspections for my Sunday clothes. The anger heard from my pastor Jerry Falwell Sr made me believe how powerful Jesus and God really are. These sermons were unavoidable. If any of us were sick in my family we’d be sure to catch what’s going on by watching from tv. Seeing him preach was an experience I can’t even describe in words. I knew nothing else growing up. I knew to avoid sin, homers, and anything else demonic. I’m not expecting to get close with your Pastor. I am merely here because I see opportunity. I’m willing to pass on my resume to the appropriate address if needed.

PS: I’m able to find out where missing funds wonder off to. For example, if funds meant for a Pastor’s expense were to wonder into a commmittee member’s pocket or mortgage.