Hello From Georgia

[LaymanGodFearer]

If I may, I'd like to introduce myself to everyone at Landover Baptist Church. I am not affiliated with a church, but I believe in God. I am a homosexual, but my sex life is mostly limited to masturbation and fantasizing having sexual acts with other men. I don't see where that is a sin, but being the layman that I am, I could very well be wrong. I work for a living, and as a matter of fact, this introduction is being composed at work at my desk by me. I pray my presence on this forum will be of benefit to God and improve my station in life. Praise the Lord!

[Wide-Open]

Re: Hello From Georgia

Let me get this straight:

. you are stealing resources from your employer
. you live in Godless communist Eastern Europe
. you commit mass murder in bed
. you do so while thinking of the vile act of sodomy

Is that correct?

Erm, I suspect the conclusion of our forgiving Lord might be:

Why do you hate Baby Jesus friend? Can't you just accept him in your heart, instead of thinking about his Manly Body?

[LaymanGodFearer]

Re: Hello From Georgia

Wide Open, if I may, you are mistaken about my locale. I live in the state of Georgia in the southern USA. My employer has no problem with me using his computer for my personal needs when the workload permits. Otherwise, as I so stated, I pray that my time at Landover forums will "improve my station in life." Thanks for your sincere concern.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello From Georgia

Is that like absolution thru contact? It doesn't really work that way unless you touch a piece of the original Cross or the bones of one of the Saints.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Hello From Georgia

If I may, I'd like to introduce myself to everyone at Landover Baptist Church. I am not affiliated with a church, but I believe in God. I am a homosexual,

Here's a sign form God (via the City Department of Works)

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Hello From Georgia

If I may, I'd like to introduce myself to everyone at Landover Baptist Church. I am not affiliated with a church, but I believe in God.

So far, so good, we can always get you into a proper, Bible-believing church.

I am a homosexual, but my sex life is mostly limited to masturbation and fantasizing having sexual acts with other men.

Hoooboy, this is gonna take a little longer than I first thought.

I don't see where that is a sin, but being the layman that I am, I could very well be wrong.

It is a sin in the Bible and in the Mind of God. As for being a layman, that is your problem in a nutshell. STOP LAYING MEN!

I pray my presence on this forum will be of benefit to God and improve my station in life. Praise the Lord!

First, you need to pray to Jesus Christ and ask him to take control of your life. It's not hard to do, just find some quiet time, close your eyes, hold your hands together, and ask Him.

Next, you must start reading the Bible (King James 1611 version only, of course!). You can find it online here, and an excellent commentary by Brother V is available in our Bible in a Year (or so) thread here.

Finally, you need to get help from the experts. You should contact Betty Bowers' Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals ministries immediately. Of course, here on the Landover Baptist forums, we will do all we can to support you as you abandon your life of sin for the sweet-smelling blood of Jesus, but over at BASH, they have the tools (e.g., testicular shock devices) and experience (e.g., testicular shock device operators) to turn you into the normal, functioning, heterosexual, Biblical man that God intended you to be.

Oh, one last thing, you might want to stay away from Freehold, Iowa for a while. Things sometimes get a bit grizzly when homos like you walk past rockpiles in Freehold, and there are a lot of rockpiles around here.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hello From Georgia

Is that like absolution thru contact? It doesn't really work that way unless you touch a piece of the original Cross or the bones of one of the Saints.

May God Damn you for a Closet Catholic!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN TOUCHING THE BONES OF ONE OF THE SAINTS?!?!?!?

SECURITY! SECURITY!!

[Brother Lee Love]

Re: Hello From Georgia

http://www.greatsite.com/timeline-english-bible-history/king-james.html

The man batted for both teams.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hello From Georgia

http://www.greatsite.com/timeline-en...ing-james.html

The man batted for both teams.

We know that and, despite Grace from God for having had the first correct Bible written and published, he is toasting in HELL for his transgressions.

[Hymie Goldberg]

Re: Hello From Georgia

My employer has no problem with me using his computer for my personal needs when the workload permits.

A "personal needs" computer that your employer provides is it?

So you're a porn-maven you are. Which particular smutty site do you work for? Do they require briding finance? If so you should send Hymie a PM and he'll see what he can do.

Hymie.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello From Georgia

If I may, I'd like to introduce myself to everyone at Landover Baptist Church. I am not affiliated with a church, but I believe in God. I am a homosexual, but my sex life is mostly limited to masturbation and fantasizing having sexual acts with other men. I don't see where that is a sin, but being the layman that I am, I could very well be wrong. I work for a living, and as a matter of fact, this introduction is being composed at work at my desk by me. I pray my presence on this forum will be of benefit to God and improve my station in life. Praise the Lord!

God says that queers are an abomination. He also warns us that anyone who is nice to queers will join them in hell. So don't expect us to tell you that your perverted hobby is somehow "okay" or "tolerable." We follow the Holy Bible, word-for-word.

AND STOP LOOKING AT MY PICTURE LIKE THAT!!

What you need is to repent and turn your pathetic life over to Jesus. HE can wash you clean of the perversion you wallow in with His blood. You need to get on your knees for JESUS and not some nasty hair old Mexican peach picker you met at the Greyhound station.

BTW: You do know what they do with queers when they catch them down in Georgia, don't you?

[LaymanGodFearer]

Re: Hello From Georgia

AND STOP LOOKING AT MY PICTURE LIKE THAT!!

That's hard to do. You are a cutey!!!!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hello From Georgia

That's hard to do. You are a cutey!!!!

I would mind your tongue here friend Pastor Zeke is noted for being hard on gays. You treading on very thin ice here and we are quite willing to come down on you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello From Georgia

That's hard to do. You are a cutey!!!!

Take a number and grab a magazine Mr. Sodomite! You'll have to get in line behind all the other sodomites who are in line ahead of you, all of whom want to commit sodomy with me. I've even heard tell that there are websites set up out there on these internets dedicated to wallowing in my good looks and fantasizing about my rock hard abs.

Just because I have Blond hair and blue eyes (like Jesus) and I swim 5 miles a day to keep in shape, it doesn't mean you can use me as a sex toy.

If you need any personal counseling, my private and confidential email address link is at the bottom of my signature. But don't think you're going to convince me to commit sodomy with you. That is extremely unlikely to happen.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hello From Georgia

That is extremely unlikely to happen.

IT IS NOT 'EXTREMELY UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN!' IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!

Bobby-Joe! Get over to Pastor Haggard's house with the electrodes, NOW!