New guy, New path

[looking4light]

Hey everyone, my name is Clyde and I'm hoping to join this community to look for helping hands on the way back to The Lord. I've strayed for many years, and my path has cost me nearly everything I cared about.
I've seen anger and inspiration on here in equal measure, but I hope that God has pushed me onto this path to find inspiration.
Anyhow. Hi everyone, hope to make some good friends here.

[Flat Lander]

Re: New guy, New path

I'm sure you'll make good friends here. I'll be your friend. I used to be a Mormon, but I'm trying to learn Christianity.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: New guy, New path

Hi Clyde, we don't mind if you were named after Clint Eastwood's monkey, it's possible that you will receive a warm welcome here.

Tell us a little about yourself; favorite Bible verse, name of your church, the abomination you committed to make Jesus send you here, what pies your wife bakes, etc.

[A sub Human]

Re: New guy, New path

Hey everyone, my name is Clyde and I'm hoping to join this community to look for helping hands on the way back to The Lord. I've strayed for many years, and my path has cost me nearly everything I cared about.
I've seen anger and inspiration on here in equal measure, but I hope that God has pushed me onto this path to find inspiration.
Anyhow. Hi everyone, hope to make some good friends here.

You're not going to find anything here, that's for sure. Intact these people will transform you into a racist sexist monster who believes the rest of the world will burn in hell. I suggest reading a Bible and simply interpreting it for yourself, and come to self-realization.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: New guy, New path

Don't listen to Sub Human, Clyde. She is unsaved trash. What she meant to say was...

You're going to find something wonderful here, that's for sure. Intact In fact, these people will transform you into a Saved® True Christian™ who believes the rest of the world will burn in hell, which is true per Matthew 7:13. I suggest reading a KJV Bible and reading it literally, which is the only correct way of doing so.

[Flat Lander]

Re: New guy, New path

Don't listen to Sub Human, Clyde. She is unsaved trash. What she meant to say was...

I love how you are able to discern the TRUE intentions of what someone meant to say. That is a gift from God. I suspect you are also an expert interpreter of tongues.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: New guy, New path

I love how you are able to discern the TRUE intentions of what someone meant to say. That is a gift from God. I suspect you are also an expert interpreter of tongues.

Well, I am a well-educated man. I have two doctoral degrees in theology and Biblical studies, but I'm not the type to brag about it. In Bible college, I was at the head of my class in Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic. Of course, I'm not as sharp as I was in those languages as I was fifty years ago, but the command I have of these languages is what solidified my faith that the King James Version is the purest translation there is.

[Flat Lander]

Re: New guy, New path

Thank you, Rev. Jim, for letting me sit at your virtual feet. I sure would love to hear some preaching in Aramaic some time, but of course I wouldn't understand a word of it.

I mean it, someday, I'm coming to Freehold.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: New guy, New path

Thank you, Rev. Jim, for letting me sit at your virtual feet. I sure would love to hear some preaching in Aramaic some time, but of course I wouldn't understand a word of it.

I mean it, someday, I'm coming to Freehold.

So you were a Mormon....what are the three levels of Heaven? what do you call the leader of you branch? what do you call the leader of your ward?
Who are the members of the quorum of twelve...What tribe of Israel did the matriarch tell you ,that you were descended from?If I have just been baptised can I go to a Temple for more blessings?

[Flat Lander]

Re: New guy, New path

So you were a Mormon....what are the three levels of Heaven? what do you call the leader of you branch? what do you call the leader of your ward?
Who are the members of the quorum of twelve...What tribe of Israel did the matriarch tell you ,that you were descended from?If I have just been baptised can I go to a Temple for more blessings?

Lola, thanks for asking. I get the feeling you are testing me. I was first counselor in two different bishoprics and served on the high council, including in the stake mission presidency, I was ward clerk several times, EQP at least twice, and also a WML, so I am well acquainted with most LDS stuff.

Levels of Heaven - Telestial, Terrestrial, Celestial (but I always get the order of the first two mixed up. Mormons really only want to go to the third one, that's where you get to be polygamous, sealed for eternity, etc.).

Current members of the Twelve, I don't know all of them from memory any longer, but when I was active they were Boyd K Packer, L. Tom Perry, David B. Haight, Neal A. Maxwell, Russell M. Nelson, M. Russell Ballard, Dallin H. Oaks, Robert D. Hales, Joseph B. Wirthlin, Jeffrey R. Holland, and Henry B. Eyring. (Dang, I missed one, that's only 11). Now, Eyring is 1st Counselor in the First Presidency, Haight, Maxwell and Wirthlin are dead and replaced with new guys (including Neil L. Anderson whom I've met personally).

Branches are led by Branch Presidents (it was a branch president that performed my wedding ceremony--at the time bishops were allowed do perform weddings, but branch presidents had to get special permission--he did).

Wards are headed by bishops. Wait a year to go to the temple after baptism, my "new name" was Moses, my wife's was "Rachel". I think I was told that I was descended through Ephraim, and that was by the stake patriarch, there are no matriarchs. (Although a temple president's wife is called a Temple Matron.)

Did I pass the test?

[Lola Handcock]

Re: New guy, New path

well either you did a little research or you really are a Mormon.you even caught the matriarch ....Now why did you leave ? My Ma and kids just left for a cult compound in Idaho....Sucked in by the lure of special underwear I expect.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: New guy, New path

Oh I for got some thing Have you cast all of the demons from your self ? We all have them. Do you burn candles? How do you fell about Homers? When you were Baptised did the missionaries ask you if you ever had sexual relations with a man? Was your baptism a full submersion?

[Ritchie Mccrow]

Re: New guy, New path

Hey everyone, my name is Clyde and I'm hoping to join this community to look for helping hands on the way back to The Lord. I've strayed for many years, and my path has cost me nearly everything I cared about.
I've seen anger and inspiration on here in equal measure, but I hope that God has pushed me onto this path to find inspiration.
Anyhow. Hi everyone, hope to make some good friends here.

Welcome to God favorite forum young man.
Your in good hands with all the godly members here. As you can see I'm still trying to find the right path, but one day I'll be a True Christian and I'll be saved. Praise Jesus
I was into beastiality before and you were a Mormon. So I guess we have alot in common

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New guy, New path

Hey everyone, my name is Clyde and I'm hoping to join this community to look for helping hands on the way back to The Lord. I've strayed for many years, and my path has cost me nearly everything I cared about.
I've seen anger and inspiration on here in equal measure, but I hope that God has pushed me onto this path to find inspiration.
Anyhow. Hi everyone, hope to make some good friends here.

Welcome friend. Please tell us about yourself. How old are you? What Church do you attend? Being that you're British, do you have any teeth left?

I hope you'll read through our Church Doctrines and familiarize yourself with Landover Baptist's Divine Mission.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: New guy, New path

Welcome to God favorite forum young man.
Your in good hands with all the godly members here. As you can see I'm still trying to find the right path, but one day I'll be a True Christian and I'll be saved. Praise Jesus
I was into beastiality before and you were a Mormon. So I guess we have alot in common

When you find the 'right path', do you also expect to become functionally literate?

Though I have seen worse; There are only six grammatical errors in your post. Perhaps you're not completely without the hope of redemption.