Ready to be raptured!

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

If you are a nonbeliever, this will positively convert you to the the "Truth". Most bible believers think the rapture will be a sudden event. I have proof otherwise. It will be a gradual process, and it is beginning as I am writing. My wife and I witnessed a true miracle the other day that left both of us choked with tears of wondrous joy. We were out in the yard in our rural home, and heard an odd sound. We rushed around the barn to witness a beautiful angel in the process of rapturing our cat to heaven. The angel that was carrying "Snowball" off to heaven, was in the form of a large feathered bird with a white head and a somewhat hooked beak. It looked like the bird on the back of a quarter. Strangely, Snowball seemed reluctant to be taken to paradise. As the angel, in the form of a beautiful bird headed off to heaven, it stopped in a large pile of sticks, in the top of a large tree, and looked back our way, as to tell us Snowball is now in a better place! What a heartwarming sight! If any of you are still doubters, a professional veterinarian also confirmed it definitely was the rapture, but he spelled it differently, raptor, but we're sure it's the same thing. Hallelujah!!!!!

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

Emm.... sure.

But this is the introduction section. Please introduce yourself.

YIC. McUinnean, of that Ilk.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

You're right, I was so caught up in the spirit that I forgot to say greetings! Well, I'm a lifelong baptist, but not just an ordinary one. I'm the real deal southern baptist. I'm really not here to learn, but to teach the true baptist ways to the lost, if any show up here. I really doubt that any other baptist has the experience that I do when it comes to "laying on of hands". I am quite adept both in giving and recieving this wonderful gift. Age, sex, nationality or gender is no barrier when it comes to this amazing gift, although extreme age does make the task a bit unpleasant.
I feel that most baptists, even the better southern ones, miss a very important bible verse that I certainly take to heart. St. Mark 16:15 clearly states "Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every CREATURE". I have been the victim of much persecution for obeying this verse. In several countries of the world, I have been bitten, mauled, pummeled and literally tossed through the air like a rag doll by demonic forces that must have shape-shifted into the lords creatures. These certainly aren't the ones that will be lying down with the lambs.
If there is one thing that I have proven to myself from a life of serving the lord, it is "nothing works like prayer, absolutely nothing". Praise his holy name!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

nothing works like prayer, absolutely nothing

Amen to that Brother. And welcome to our friendly forum.

What kind of creatures do you usually convert? Does it even work?

[Once was lost]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

My friend before you jump to joy,please read this.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0106/petsinheaven.html

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

Amen to that Brother. And welcome to our friendly forum.

What kind of creatures do you usually convert? Does it even work?

If you are inexperienced in witnessing (as commanded) to the lords 'lesser' creations, practice on docile, small, muzzeled and declawed house pets first. This is important! As you work your way through the lords creatures, you will find the greatest challenges in the artic areas and Africa, with Antartica being a missionaries dream.
I was in British Columbia once and while attending a zoo, I heard a very strong inner voice from the lord telling me to share the gospel with a gorilla. I slowly slid through the fence and dropped twelve feet to the moat, then swam about twenty more feet. I walked up to a large silver back and opened my bible to Levicus and began to minister to him/her/it. Just when everything seemed to be going smoothly, I laid hands on the gorilla and screamed "HALLELUJAH!" at the top of my lungs in southern baptist style. Things got a bit fuzzy after that, but when I regained consciousness in a local hospital a few weeks later, I was told my king james bible was still in the gorilla pen, still being passed around amoung the mighty beasts on a daily basis! Glory!

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

My friend before you jump to joy,please read this.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0...sinheaven.html

This is truly amazing! As I read the link about 'pets in heaven', I recalled hearing a very similiar story while I was doing missionary work in Africa. There was a trapper of some sort, trying to catch an elusive, never been trapped creature of some species in the same remote village that I was in. I vaguely remember his name, Mitch Walker I believe, and he was traveling with a group of young boys also if I recall correctly. He said he was trying to capture some type of thing to bring back to the US to display at a creation museum in the midwest.

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

...to the lords 'lesser' creations......through the lords creatures,...from the lord telling me to share...opened my bible to Levicus... in southern baptist style...I was told my king james bible was still in the gorilla pen...

While I welcome you, I humbly suggest that you pay some attention to giving proper grammatical credit to the Lord and his Holy things by using proper capitalization.

Now, what is your favorite Bible verse? What is your wife's name and how is her pie?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

I think I prefer my own approach of shooting animals through the head for dinner.

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

While I welcome you, I humbly suggest that you pay some attention to giving proper grammatical credit to the Lord and his Holy things by using proper capitalization.

Now, what is your favorite Bible verse? What is your wife's name and how is her pie?

Will do on the caps. Favorite Bible verse? I'll ponder that one for a bit because it changes frequently. My wifes name is Deb and as for her pie, well, we've been together for thirty two years now, so it's not quite what it used to be. If you really must know, I'd say a bit too crusty and dry, with a tad too much yeast, but otherwise okay.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

I think I prefer my own approach of shooting animals through the head for dinner.

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."

Is Genesis 9:3 a contradiction of Leviticus 18:22?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

Is Genesis 9:3 a contradiction of Leviticus 18:22?

No. There are no contradictions in the Bible.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

Is Genesis 9:3 a contradiction of Leviticus 18:22?

"Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things." Genesis 9:3

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." Leviticus 18:22

Um... no friend, there is no contradiction between these two verses.

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

Is Genesis 9:3 a contradiction of Leviticus 18:22?

While I don't have the entire Bible memorized, I don't even need to look the scripture up to know the answer to your question: there are NO contradictions in the Bible.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Ready to be raptured!

Is Genesis 9:3 a contradiction of Leviticus 18:22?

Dear friend:

If you think that God's Perfect Word ever contradicts itself, and especially if you can't cite it correctly, then you needn't worry about being raptured.