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  • Nate Burnell
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Dec 2010
    • 12
    #1

    Finally found some True Christians!

    Just wanted to introduce myself - I'm Nate Burnell, 36 years old - live in north Arkansas - been a Christian ever since Jesus saved my life from freak toaster accident a few years back. Got me a pretty good wife and 7 children, 3 of which are headed for hell if I can't beat them into God's kingdom. I go to the local Baptist church here, but folks are starting to turn to the devil in our congregation - why, people are starting to bring NIV bibles to church and are scared to handle the snakes and drink poison like Jesus tells us to in Mark 16:18. I reckon that's why I'm glad I found out about this internet thing last week and found out about the True Christians™! I think I'm gonna learn a lot about the Bible here!

    In Christ,

    Nate
    Genesis 38:9-10 KJV "And it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."
    Tags: None
    • John Creeser
      Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
       
      • Aug 2009
      • 7248
      #2
      Re: Finally found some True Christians!

      Originally posted by Nate Burnell View Post
      I think I'm gonna learn a lot about the Bible here!
      Welcome Nate - you sure are going to learn a lot (the Real Truth, not just the lovey warm fuzzy parts the false christians preach). I trust you read from the KJV1611?

      Keep beating your children Nate!!
      -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
      -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

      -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
      -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
      -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
      -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
      -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

      STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

        Comment

        • Rev. M. Rodimer
          Honorary True Christian™
          Forum Member
          • May 2008
          • 13996
          #3
          Re: Finally found some True Christians!

          Originally posted by Nate Burnell View Post
          Just wanted to introduce myself - I'm Nate Burnell, 36 years old - live in north Arkansas - been a Christian ever since Jesus saved my life from freak toaster accident a few years back. Got me a pretty good wife and 7 children, 3 of which are headed for hell if I can't beat them into God's kingdom. I go to the local Baptist church here, but folks are starting to turn to the devil in our congregation - why, people are starting to bring NIV bibles to church and are scared to handle the snakes and drink poison like Jesus tells us to in Mark 16:18. I reckon that's why I'm glad I found out about this internet thing last week and found out about the True Christians™! I think I'm gonna learn a lot about the Bible here!

          In Christ,

          Nate
          Hiya, Nate!

          I have to admit I'm a bit concerned. Have you been attending a Pennycoastal church? Folks at Landover do not fondle snakes or purchase Big Gulps from 7-11.

          For Jesus has also taught us, in Matthew 4:5-7:
          5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,

          6 And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

          7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
          Bible boring? Nonsense!
          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

            Comment

            • Red_Dragon_666
              Confirmed Enemy of God
              BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
              • Dec 2010
              • 13
              #4
              Re: Finally found some True Christians!

              Nate, is that a real pic of you? If it is, you're SOL because according to these "True Christians," tattoos are sinful! Repressed little Jew-worshippers...yes Jesus was a Jew...

              Waiting on the replies now...let the flame begin!

              Doesn't matter because I have the big guy downstairs on my side.

              HS!

                Comment

                • Nate Burnell
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Dec 2010
                  • 12
                  #5
                  Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                  John - KJV 1611 only!

                  Rev. Rodimer - I appreciate your concern my brother, but if Jesus told us we could handle snakes and drink poison, who am I to disagree? I don't think that makes me a pennycoastal at all... makes me a True Christian™ the way I reckon it.

                  I think if I got on top a temple in Jerusalem and jumped off hopin' the angels would catch me, that would be the sin of tempting God. But drinkin' poison (I prefer white lightning or Jim Beam) and trusting Jesus with my liver is biblical. Of course, I don't drink in excess - only enough to get me tipsy enough to pick up a cottonmouth or two.

                  Red Dragon - yeah, the tatoo was a little mistake I made at the county fair one night. I repented about it so it's covered by the blood of Jesus now. Hallelujah!
                  Genesis 38:9-10 KJV "And it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

                    Comment

                    • Nate Burnell
                      Forum Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Dec 2010
                      • 12
                      #6
                      Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                      By the way guys, how do you get those cool merit badges? I'd like to start working on earning my ex-masturbator and gunfest badges... how does this work? Do I just stop handlin' my trouser snake and start handlin' my Smith & Wesson more?
                      Genesis 38:9-10 KJV "And it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

                        Comment

                        • Ezekiel Bathfire
                          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                          Christ's Rottweiler
                           
                          • Jan 2008
                          • 22889
                          #7
                          Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                          Ask and it shall be given... except you can't have a 2010 gunfest badge as they are not awarded until Jan 22nd 2011, so I gave you 2 ex-masturbater's medals instead.
                          sigpic


                          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                          Author of such illuminating essays as,
                          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                            Comment

                            • Barry
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Nov 2010
                              • 259
                              #8
                              Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                              Is there a badge for pointing out to the Belgians what is wrong with their country, because I am quite good at that?
                              The Lord is my shepherd.

                                Comment

                                • Nate Burnell
                                  Forum Member
                                  Forum Member
                                  • Dec 2010
                                  • 12
                                  #9
                                  Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                                  so I gave you 2 ex-masturbater's medals instead.
                                  Thanks so much Ezekiel! One for each hand I reckon! Now I've got to make sure to live up to my end of the bargain and keep my hands away from there - gonna have to rely on the missus a lot more. Good thing is, should help us make a lot more youngins!
                                  Genesis 38:9-10 KJV "And it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

                                    Comment

                                    • SUV
                                      True Christian™ Princess
                                      The Driving Force behind RA12
                                      Have at it, anytime!
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 11027
                                      #10
                                      Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                                      Yeah, you've got to watch those toasters. I think most of them are made in those *gay* steel mills

                                        Comment

                                        • Ezekiel Bathfire
                                          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                                          Christ's Rottweiler
                                           
                                          • Jan 2008
                                          • 22889
                                          #11
                                          Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                                          I remember those "gay" steel mills from some documentary or other...
                                          sigpic


                                          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                                          Author of such illuminating essays as,
                                          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                                            Comment

                                            • Nate Burnell
                                              Forum Member
                                              Forum Member
                                              • Dec 2010
                                              • 12
                                              #12
                                              Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                                              Originally posted by SUV View Post
                                              Yeah, you've got to watch those toasters. I think most of them are made in those *gay* steel mills
                                              That might be the case, but the judge in the lawsuit I brung agaist the toaster company didn't see it that way. They said I shouldnt put the toaster on the edge of the bathtub... I said they should either put non-slip tape on the feet of the toaster or a warning label or something! You're right, only a gay toaster designer would forget something that important.
                                              Genesis 38:9-10 KJV "And it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

                                                Comment

                                                • Nate Burnell
                                                  Forum Member
                                                  Forum Member
                                                  • Dec 2010
                                                  • 12
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Finally found some True Christians!

                                                  But hey, I'm not complaining - it was that accident that helped me see that I needed Jesus in my heart!
                                                  Genesis 38:9-10 KJV "And it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

                                                    Comment

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