Desperately need relationship advice

[Scottie P.]

Hello all! I would like to ask a few questions about religious values and priorities. I currently go to EUMC (Eagle United Methodist Church) and I need some help with a question I've been praying about for months now.

I came to find Jesus because my prayers haven't been answered yet... My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months now and we've almost gone all the way. Last night she let me hold her hand and lead her to her door, where she received a prompt beating from her father - obviously concerned about her daughters hand virginity.

We were talking during bible study about what we can PERSONALLY do for the cause of Jesus Christ our Savior. We understand that premarital sex is a straight shot to hell. 1 Corinthians 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

However, we raised the point of engaging in sexual activity in order to support Christ's Army, yea it is what Jesus wants. Jesus wants more Soldiers of Christ, and if we were to start at a young age, (Me 16, and her 12) we can support His Army with a much faster pace! One child per year.

Being the man, I'm asking on behalf of eternal damnation, which is Jesus' preference?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Hello all! I would like to ask a few questions about religious values and priorities. I currently go to EUMC (Eagle United Methodist Church) and I need some help with a question I've been praying about for months now.

I came to find Jesus because my prayers haven't been answered yet... My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months now and we've almost gone all the way. Last night she let me hold her hand and lead her to her door, where she received a prompt beating from her father - obviously concerned about her daughters hand virginity.

We were talking during bible study about what we can PERSONALLY do for the cause of Jesus Christ our Savior. We understand that premarital sex is a straight shot to hell. 1 Corinthians 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

However, we raised the point of engaging in sexual activity in order to support Christ's Army, yea it is what Jesus wants. Jesus wants more Soldiers of Christ, and if we were to start at a young age, (Me 16, and her 12) we can support His Army with a much faster pace! One child per year.

Being the man, I'm asking on behalf of eternal damnation, which is Jesus' preference?

As long as you marry her first, I see no problem with your plan. How will support your family? I don't many 16 year olds with a lot of earning power.

Also, unless your goal is to create an entire family of hellbound heathens, you will need to find yourself an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church to attend. Methodism is about as Christian as Muslimism.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

If your so called girlfriend is twelve, you should continue masturbating several times a day like you do now, for thirteen more years, until she is ready for courting at twenty five. And remember, it is not a sin to masturbate if you think about Jesus while you are doing it. But, if one thought other than Jesus flies through your head while you are spanking your monkey, it will be straight to hell to bake forever. BTW, the demons in hell don't follow age restrictions, so you will be violently somomised the instant you arrive in hell. Hope this helps!

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Jesus wants more Soldiers of Christ, and if we were to start at a young age, (Me 16, and her 12) we can support His Army with a much faster pace! One child per year.

If your so called girlfriend is twelve, you should continue masturbating several times a day like you do now, for thirteen more years, until she is ready for courting at twenty five.

Yea-tho-we-walk has many great points in his advice to you Scottie, but I suspect his home-schooling was a bit more strict than mine with regard to age. My aunt was married off at the age of 9, as she became a woman that year. My father gave me a great rule of thumb for marriage age, and I'll share it with you... "If there's grass on the field, play ball."

As for making money to support your new family, I have many opportunities for employment for you here at my purpose built sound-proof attic office retreat for teen boy counseling, male youth choir, and private teen boys activity coaching center. I can think of many types of jobs you can give me in return for pay. Praise God!

Splashing Joyously In The Blood Of Christ Jesus,
Harry Lester

P.s.
Don't forget to upload several profile photos!

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Scottie, when you were forced into a Meth church, you do know that you choose a path to Hell don't you? Here's a bit of good advice for any non-Baptist, false denomination. Next time your family bakes a turkey, get your King James Bible in your hand, open it to any Old Testament passage, and put your face close to the glass in the oven door. See the turkey baking in there? The only difference between you on judgement day and that turkey at Thanksgiving, is you that will be baked and sodomised, and the turkey will most likely be only baked. Unless of course you live in W. Virgina where you and the turkey will more than likely suffer the same fate.

[Sarah, aka Florence]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Hello!

I am Scottie's girlfriend, Sarah, and with his permission I have accessed this forum of wonderful people to ask our few remaining questions. Thanks for all the support!

First of all, how do we go about locating the proper church to praise the Lord at?

And second, once Scott and I are married, how should we best raise our children? For instance, homeschool, or public school, or a private school? And how can I be a good wife, and him a good husband?

Thank you for the help!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Hello!

I am Scottie's girlfriend, Sarah, and with his permission I have accessed this forum of wonderful people to ask our few remaining questions. Thanks for all the support!

First of all, how do we go about locating the proper church to praise the Lord at?

And second, once Scott and I are married, how should we best raise our children? For instance, homeschool, or public school, or a private school? And how can I be a good wife, and him a good husband?

Thank you for the help!

1)Use the Google to search INDEPENDENT BAPTIST CHURCH

2)Homeschool all the way. The public schools are full of drugs and perverts. And don't take this the wrong way dear, but I doubt 'ol Scottie boy is going to be able scrape up enough scratch to afford a decent private Christian school.

3)Do what he says and don't worry about him. If he can manage to get Saved and become a True Christian™, he will be incapable of sinning therefore he will be a perfect husband. Good luck to both you! Let us know when you get hitched!

[Sarah, aka Florence]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Okay! But how do I know once my future husband is saved? And do I HAVE to do everything he says? What if he says something that is like..really stupid?

Homeschooling it is, Captain, but what is the best way to make our children both smart and wise in the ways of the Lord? Any suggestions?

Thanks for the help! (: I feel well on my way to understanding what it means to be a Baptist.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

And do I HAVE to do everything he says?

Yes.

Homeschooling it is, Captain, but what is the best way to make our children both smart and wise in the ways of the Lord? Any suggestions?

Read this: Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide to RAISING CHILDREN!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Okay! But how do I know once my future husband is saved? And do I HAVE to do everything he says? What if he says something that is like..really stupid?

He has to become a True Christian™. The other Independent Baptist Church is just a stopgap measure. But if you are both serious about going to Heaven, you'll eventually have to become members of Landover Baptist. And yes, you have to do EVERYTHING he says, even if it seems idiotic to your female mind.

Homeschooling it is, Captain, but what is the best way to make our children both smart and wise in the ways of the Lord? Any suggestions?

Just a couple:

The King James 1611 Bible. And maybe a book on field dressing game if you have a son, and I guess a book on sewing if you accidentally produce a daughter.

Thanks for the help! (: I feel well on my way to understanding what it means to be a Baptist.

Your just a woman, so I sort of doubt that, but your heart seems to be in the right place. Glory!

[Sarah, aka Florence]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Just a woman? /': You mean I can't understand, and thus cannot be admitted to heaven? But I love God!

And, COM: Thanks for the essay! But do we really have to hit our future children with bibles? That seems rather...extreme.


Thanks, all! Just trying to understand how to be a better christian. I'm sure Scott will appreciate all of this when he has a chance to read it!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

And, COM: Thanks for the essay! But do we really have to hit our future children with bibles? That seems rather...extreme.

No, you also have to hit them with a rod!

Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

And there is nothing extreme about this, as it is in the Holy Bible!

Thanks, all! Just trying to understand how to be a better christian. I'm sure Scott will appreciate all of this when he has a chance to read it!

He allows you to be online unsupervised?

[Sarah, aka Florence]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

I hope you are happy! I went to inform him of your objection, and he told me to stop wasting my time outside of the kitchen&laundry room to tell him these worthless things. Then he smacked me with the King James 1611 Bible he was studying. )': Why must you cause me such grief, COM?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

I hope you are happy! I went to inform him of your objection, and he told me to stop wasting my time outside of the kitchen&laundry room to tell him these worthless things. Then he smacked me with the King James 1611 Bible he was studying. )': Why must you cause me such grief, COM?

Perhaps you should read up on your namesake and see exactly what SHE was willing to do in obedience to her husband.

Being a 12-year-old little girl raised in a sickular hell hole, I doubt you can even comprehend your role.

[Sarah, aka Florence]

Re: Desperately need relationship advice

Oh, for sure. Women being subordinate to men makes PERFECT logical sense, cause it hasn't been proven that we are their mental equals in every way, or anything. Just like evolution hasn't been proven, either. Praise God!