I am a Sinner

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Yes, brothers and sisters in Christ, I am a sinner. As it says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." It is my sincere hope that everyone here will pray for my tainted soul to be washed white as snow by the power of the my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as I am praying for all of you.

My name is Joshua, and my father is Joseph. In a constant struggle to be more like my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who shed his blood for my salvation, I frequently try to speak and write in Aramaic (hence the user name), which I have been led to believe is the tongue of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If I have been deceived, please help me to find the right path in my ongoing attempt to be more and more like my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I currently do not attend any church, though I have spoken at length with the pastors of all the local Baptist churches. I have chosen not to attend on the grounds that not one of them adheres to the Word of God in its entirety as written in the KJV 1611. Some had women teaching Sunday school classes (prohibited by 1 Corinthians 14), others allowed homosexuals to attend their services (have they never read Leviticus 20:13?), and one even tried to tell me that Evil-ution and Creationism were compatible ideas. I'm certain you could imagine that I would not attend such a wretched hive of scum and villainy for fear of placing my immortal soul in peril of eternal hellfire and damnation.

However, after reading the posts from the Landover Church forums for the last several months, I finally realized that this was a community that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, would want me to be a part of. So I come to you, praying that in time, you may accept me with open arms as one of your flock. I understand that there are a great many Godless atheists and Mary-worshipping Papists and followers of the false prophet Mohammed trying to pass themselves off as God-fearing decent folk, but I believe that in time my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, will reveal the truth to you about why I have come to you.

Some of my favorite Bible verses are:
Matthew 6:5
Matthew 10:34-35
Luke 14:26
1 Samuel 15:3
Proverbs 28:25
Numbers 31:15-18
Zephaniah 1:8
And many, many others.

Praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and in His name I pray for you all.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am a Sinner

So what are you, a damned joo?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: I am a Sinner

Hey Joshua!

By jingo, that was a mighty fine introduction, MIGHTY fine!



I wouldn't worry too much about speaking Aramaic as there are few if any people alive who will be able to heed your call to Glory.



Instead: how about telling us the depravities and outright criminal acts that have left you on Jesus' doorstep, and how He has slapped you back on the Path to Righteousness?

(James 5:16) "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: I am a Sinner

So what are you, a damned joo?

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I assure you that I am no Jesus killer. If have written anything here that would lead any of you good, God fearing folk to believe I am, I beg you to accept my apologies. Rest assured I will spend hours in prayer tonight to atone for possibly saying anything that would lead someone to think that I might be a Jesus killer.

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: I am a Sinner

Instead: how about telling us the depravities and outright criminal acts that have left you on Jesus' doorstep, and how He has slapped you back on the Path to Righteousness?

(James 5:16) "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

Sadly brother, my past sins are far to numerous to make a full accounting.

However, I admit that in my past:

I have committed adultery in my heart. Matthew 5:28
I have failed to turn the other cheek. Matthew 5:39
I have worn a poly-blend shirt. Deuteronomy 22:11
I had a bowl haircut when I was younger. Leviticus 19:27
I played football in high school, and I've eaten pork. Leviticus 11:8
I have eaten shrimp. Leviticus 11:10
I have a tattoo of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Leviticus 19:28

But the one I am most ashamed of, Brothers and Sisters, my deepest darkest secret sin, is that I once seethed a young goat in its mother's milk. Deuteronomy 14:21

It was in the commission of this heinous act that the Holy Spirit entered unto me, and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, came unto me much as he did to Paul on the road to Damascus.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am a Sinner

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I assure you that I am no Jesus killer. If have written anything here that would lead any of you good, God fearing folk to believe I am, I beg you to accept my apologies. Rest assured I will spend hours in prayer tonight to atone for possibly saying anything that would lead someone to think that I might be a Jesus killer.

Then why do you have a joo name? You talk like a fag, which is the same thing.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: I am a Sinner

Sadly brother, my past sins are far to numerous to make a full accounting.

However, I admit that in my past:

I have committed adultery in my heart. Matthew 5:28
I have failed to turn the other cheek. Matthew 5:39
I have worn a poly-blend shirt. Deuteronomy 22:11
I had a bowl haircut when I was younger. Leviticus 19:27
I played football in high school, and I've eaten pork. Leviticus 11:8
I have eaten shrimp. Leviticus 11:10
I have a tattoo of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Leviticus 19:28

But the one I am most ashamed of, Brothers and Sisters, my deepest darkest secret sin, is that I once seethed a young goat in its mother's milk. Deuteronomy 14:21

It was in the commission of this heinous act that the Holy Spirit entered unto me, and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, came unto me much as he did to Paul on the road to Damascus.

You seem more focused on assigning your supposed sins to Scripture, and not on detailing the particulars of your deviancy.

Why is that? It's ALMOST like you are googling "sins" and then admitting to them, as opposed to sinning and then doing so.

Hint: you ain't gonna google your way to Salvation, friend. You will be cast out.

(Revelation 22:15) "For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: I am a Sinner

Then why do you have a joo name? You talk like a fag, which is the same thing.

It's the name my parents gave me. I suppose they didn't realize some people would think it was a Jesus killer name.

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: I am a Sinner

You seem more focused on assigning your supposed sins to Scripture, and not on detailing the particulars of your deviancy.

I included the appropriate scripture on the off chance that some of your flock are not familiar with the sinfulness of those particular actions. Also, in the sincere hopes that one of the Godless pagans who read this forum might realize that they, too, are sinning against God by doing those things.

As for the particulars or my sins, please forgive me, I didn't understand that's what you were looking for. One good example comes to mind. Before I accepted my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as my Lord and Savior, I would see a pretty girl whore and think to myself, "I sure would like to fornicate with her." Now, when I see an attractive woman whore, I think to myself, "I'm so glad that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is with me, otherwise I would like to fornicate with her."

Is that what you were looking for with the particulars of my sins?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am a Sinner

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

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[Redeemed Papist]

Re: I am a Sinner

A more obvious googling troll I have never seen.

On your knees and accept Christ entering your body and soul before it is too late, young man.