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  • #1

    Hi Everyone!

    I dont know my favorite bible verse, but I think it might be the one where jonah gets swallowed by a whale. As you can guess I don't really know too much about scripture, or about our lord jesus christ. I was raised ucc and attent a methodist church now. This is where I need your help. We don't use the king James bible, and I don't get the whole truth of Jesus Christ, because the version I use is probably tainted. I feel lost and lonely right now, and need Jesus, but I'm not very familiar with the bible, and don't know very much about Jesus. I don't know how to be saved or how to be a good christian, and I need jesus at this point in my life and was hoping you could help me.
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  • #2
    Re: Hi Everyone!

    We're here to praise God, not read the Bible for you.

    Are you retarded that you can't read it yourself?

    Go and read the King James Bible starting at Genesis and keep going until you reach the end.

    All will then become clear.
    sigpic
    Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

    John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

    Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
    The truth about volcanos
    Sex and debauchery in public schools
    Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
    God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
    Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Hi Everyone!

      Thanks I'l go do that

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Hi Everyone!

        Originally posted by Mr. ant View Post
        Thanks I'l go do that
        Read it straight through, and don't skip any parts. Keep the distractions to a minimum. Take notes on things that you don't understand, and come back and ask questions about those when you're done.

        And most of all: HAVE FUN!



        Yours in Christ,

        Z. Smyth
        sigpic

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        • #5
          Re: Hi Everyone!

          We do also have a handy resource here on the site for first-time Bible readers. Start here.
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Hi Everyone!

            Welcome aboard, Mr. Ant! I must say it's very refreshing to see somebody come here with such humility and just straight-up admit they don't know as much as they'd like to.

            Tell us more about yourself. What school to you go to? What's your favorite hunting rifle? How soon to you plan to get married, and how many sons do you hope to have?
            WARNING:
            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Hi Everyone!

              Originally posted by Mr. ant View Post
              I dont know my favorite bible verse, but I think it might be the one where jonah gets swallowed by a whale. As you can guess I don't really know too much about scripture, or about our lord jesus christ. I was raised ucc and attent a methodist church now. This is where I need your help. We don't use the king James bible, and I don't get the whole truth of Jesus Christ, because the version I use is probably tainted. I feel lost and lonely right now, and need Jesus, but I'm not very familiar with the bible, and don't know very much about Jesus. I don't know how to be saved or how to be a good christian, and I need jesus at this point in my life and was hoping you could help me.
              Interesting choice. Jonah was swallowed by the whale because he refused to comply with God's Will. I am wondering why you choose this illustration as your favorite. Do you refuse God's Will as well? Do you, like Jonah, run from God?

              Or, my tentative friend, have you come here, as a wolf in sheep's clothing, planning to cause unrest by injecting your poisonous philosophies? Are you feigning ignorance in order to start an argument in which you hope to make some point about atheism? If so, you will not succeed, for I assure you that the True Christians here have donned whole armour of God: Ephesians 6:11 "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil."

              If, however, you are honest, humble, and possess a thirst that can only be quenched by the True Source, then welcome...
              Jeremiah 23:29 Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?

              Ephesians 6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Hi Everyone!

                Originally posted by Mr. ant View Post
                jonah gets swallowed by a whale.
                The book of Jonah clearly states that Jonah was swallowed by a great fish, not a whale. Jonah 1:17, Jonah 2:1, Jonah 2:10

                The only person swallowed by a whale in the KJV was Jonas. Matthew 12:40

                Please resist the devil's temptations to twist the Word of God on this forum.
                People killed by God in the Bible: 2,476,633
                People killed by Satan in the Bible: 10
                Whose side do YOU want to be on?
                Constantly Praying for Temperance Proverbs 16:24
                sigpic

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Hi Everyone!

                  Originally posted by Yeshua bar Yusuf View Post
                  The book of Jonah clearly states that Jonah was swallowed by a great fish, not a whale. Jonah 1:17, Jonah 2:1, Jonah 2:10

                  The only person swallowed by a whale in the KJV was Jonas. Matthew 12:40

                  Please resist the devil's temptations to twist the Word of God on this forum.
                  Excellent correction Yeshua. Thank you for your vigilance.
                  Jeremiah 23:29 Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?

                  Ephesians 6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Hi Everyone!

                    Originally posted by Yeshua bar Yusuf View Post
                    Originally Posted by Mr. ant
                    jonah gets swallowed by a whale.
                    The book of Jonah clearly states that Jonah was swallowed by a great fish, not a whale. Jonah 1:17, Jonah 2:1, Jonah 2:10

                    The only person swallowed by a whale in the KJV was Jonas. Matthew 12:40

                    Please resist the devil's temptations to twist the Word of God on this forum.
                    Excellent point there Brother Yeshua. But we have to be careful not to do all of Mr. ant's homework, else we have no way to measure his success on the way to obtaining eternal salvation. He must show us that he is striving to accept the God-breathed words of Baby Jesus as found in the 1611 King James Bible.
                    YiJC, BS

                    II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Hi Everyone!

                      I don't think it much matters, Brother BS. Mr. ant seems to be one of those cherry picking false "Christians" who visit this forum and decide that it's far too difficult to follow everything God said in the Bible.

                      At least he got a dose or two of scripture before being damned.
                      People killed by God in the Bible: 2,476,633
                      People killed by Satan in the Bible: 10
                      Whose side do YOU want to be on?
                      Constantly Praying for Temperance Proverbs 16:24
                      sigpic

                      Comment

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