[Levi Jones]

Re: Final call

Please tell me that isn't a no

I'm not saying no.

You are a bit behind the eight ball as far as knowledge goes. You see, you're around the level of our average five year old. We start teaching them to read the Bible and listen to the wonderful stories like about how Noah saved the entire world by getting on a boat while God killed everyone else off.

You'll need to read your Testament a bit more before we could possibly even consider for such a thing like a seat at Landover Baptist Church.

Heaven is a small place, friend and so is God's assembly.

Matthew 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Final call

I really need help from you guys but what I need to know is if I confess my sins to you I’ll receive that help.

Jesus promises to wash us clean of sin in His Own Blood if we will just repent and tithe robustly.

Spill your guts, harlot.

[Moonlight Whore]

Re: Final call

Thank you...
I love affection and I think that's what gets me into most sexual situations. Whenever a guy tells me I’m hot, sexy or cute, I just melt and he has me wrapped around his fingertips.

If you want details, I've had deepthroats, DP, orgies, anal, swallowed cum, done girls, things a depraved slut would do.
Even when I was being led through the bible I had sex with randoms.

I've gotten drunk, lied, broken promises, stolen things, ran off on people and broken peoples hearts.

That's how messed up I am. I can't defend myself thats why I need help.
I can't go to anyone else for help. You know why.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Final call

Thank you...
I love affection and I think that's what gets me into most sexual situations. Whenever a guy tells me I’m hot, sexy or cute, I just melt and he has me wrapped around his fingertips.

If you want details, I've had deepthroats, DP, orgies, anal, swallowed cum, done girls, things a depraved slut would do.
Even when I was being led through the bible I had sex with randoms.

I've gotten drunk, lied, broken promises, stolen things, ran off on people and broken peoples hearts.

That's how messed up I am. I can't defend myself thats why I need help.
I can't go to anyone else for help. You know why.

That's all very fascinating and I will meditate long and hard on your depravity.

However, you have yet to confess to why you hate sweet baby Jesus and work so tirelessly to making Him cry.

[Moonlight Whore]

Re: Final call

That's all very fascinating and I will meditate long and hard on your depravity.

However, you have yet to confess to why you hate sweet baby Jesus and work so tirelessly to making Him cry.

Fascinating. You're calling my life fascinating? And you're saying I haven't confessed enough. And I even got an infraction for confessing. And no one else has commented. What are you doing?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Final call

Those are some whoppers for sins.

How is your Bible reading coming along?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Final call

Thank you...
I love affection and I think that's what gets me into most sexual situations. Whenever a guy tells me I’m hot, sexy or cute, I just melt and he has me wrapped around his fingertips.

If you want details, I've had deepthroats, DP, orgies, anal, swallowed cum, done girls, things a depraved slut would do.
Even when I was being led through the bible I had sex with randoms.

I've gotten drunk, lied, broken promises, stolen things, ran off on people and broken peoples hearts.

That's how messed up I am. I can't defend myself thats why I need help.
I can't go to anyone else for help. You know why.

More details please. Be specific. I'm a True Christian(tm) Pastor, so I can handle anything.

If you'd like to get some private Christian counseling, just click on the email link at the bottom of my signature below. Discretion assured, pics a plus!

[Moonlight Whore]

Re: Final call

Those are some whoppers for sins.

How is your Bible reading coming along?

Thank you so much for commenting. I was about to log off for good.

How's my bible reading? Not so good. I keep getting distracted with friends, sex partners, shopping and so on.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Final call

Thank you so much for commenting. I was about to log off for good.

How's my bible reading? Not so good. I keep getting distracted with friends, sex partners, shopping and so on.

Well dearie, it seems to me that if you have time to come here and tell us about your sins, you could start by reading God's Word to thank Him for creating you and temporarily dying to save you from His wrath.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Final call

Oh my! What a shocking persona you have dreamed up. The level of depravity!

So there is no real reason why you can not fall to your knees and open yourself to Jesus.

[Moonlight Whore]

Re: Final call

Well dearie, it seems to me that if you have time to come here and tell us about your sins, you could start by reading God's Word to thank Him for creating you and temporarily dying to save you from His wrath.

Ok, I'll just have to try harder to stay focused this time.

Oh my! What a shocking persona you have dreamed up. The level of depravity!

So there is no real reason why you can not fall to your knees and open yourself to Jesus.

This isn't because I lied to you before is it?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Final call

This isn't because I lied to you before is it?

Never a word of truth from your lying lips. It's all "What persona can I dream up that might get under the Landover people's skin without making me look bad in front of my sycophants?" Very tedious.

So are you still putting yourself forwards as some sort of believer or is it all or nothing on the wanton slut requires strangers on the internet to give absolution even though we all know you're a total fake?

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Final call

Thank you...
I love affection and I think that's what gets me into most sexual situations. Whenever a guy tells me I’m hot, sexy or cute, I just melt and he has me wrapped around his fingertips.

If you want details, I've had deepthroats, DP, orgies, anal, swallowed cum, done girls, things a depraved slut would do.
Even when I was being led through the bible I had sex with randoms.

I've gotten drunk, lied, broken promises, stolen things, ran off on people and broken peoples hearts.

That's how messed up I am. I can't defend myself thats why I need help.
I can't go to anyone else for help. You know why.

Well, maybe there is still hope for you. But first, don't hold out anything in the future, like if you had triple penetration instead of double, you need to come clean and Jesus will have a big smile for you on judgement day!
As far as you being able to deepthroat, the question that needs addressing would obviously be your partners size in either inches or the commie centimeter thing could do, I guess. After we clear up the size thingy, then we can get a step further on working on your salvation by your answering a few more questions from some of the other True Christians here!!!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Final call

Thank you so much for commenting. I was about to log off for good.

How's my bible reading? Not so good. I keep getting distracted with friends, sex partners, shopping and so on.

Um, how does this work? You're reading the bible in the safety and comfort of your home, and suddenly friends come in and randomly start having sex?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Final call

Oh my! What a shocking persona you have dreamed up. The level of depravity!

So there is no real reason why you can not fall to your knees and open yourself to Jesus.

Why not? She has for everyone else. Jesus may be the only one left.

Um, how does this work? You're reading the Bible in the safety and comfort of your home, and suddenly friends come in and randomly start having sex?

And shopping. Don't forget the shopping, Sister. It was a key component.

I'm picturing one of those in-home sex-toy demonstration sales parties. You know, like Tupperware parties but with whips and ball gags and handcuffs and dildos. Oh, and lots of lubricant and towels. Probably involving Madonna's Truth or Dare DVD playing in the background for "inspiration".

This combines the shopping, the friends, and the sex partners all in one depraved evening of middle-class, suburban swinging filth.

If you will excuse me, I feel the need to vomit.