Seeking Christian guidance

[Bob the Saved]

Hello, Christian friends. I'm new here, looking for instruction and fellowship from real Christians.

I'm nineteen. I came from evil, atheist parents who are both college professors. They went on a trip out of town to some convention (I think they were just using it as an excuse to have some kind of Satan worshipping, gay-sex orgy). While they were gone, I went to the library like they want me to and started reading the Bible. From that, I learned the truth about them and the rest of the world.

That's when I knew I had to get away from them. I dropped out of that evil, secular school they had me enroll in. I wanted to find a good Bible college out there and a good, God fearing church. However, most of the churches and Bible colleges out there cherry pick the Bible verses they like and ignore the ones they don't. I can't find any that make women shut up (many of the have women as pastors or teachers). I don't know of any who let us stone homosexuals to death. I told them how I don't know how God wants me to deal with my atheist parents, but none of them could offer any good, Biblical advice. I found Landover because I was told you were real Bible believers and you follow the real Bible instead of the Bible they see with rose colored glasses.

My favorite Bible verse is Deuteronomy 17:2-7

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

So when did you decide that today was the day you would see how gullible the good folk at Landover are?

Go on then, let's play it out. What in particular about that verse makes you think we'll shy away from discussing it?

[Bob the Saved]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

So when did you decide that today was the day you would see how gullible the good folk at Landover are?

Go on then, let's play it out. What in particular about that verse makes you think we'll shy away from discussing it?

Oh, no, there's been a misunderstanding here and I apologize for it. I appreciate the verse because it's one of the verses that show Gods real rules, not the rainbows and fluffy bunnies version of the Bible you get from televangelists and mainstream pastors. None of them tell people out there how much God hates the non believers, from the atheist trash to the money grubbing jews to the wacky Chinese cult religions. God isn't afraid to kill people and he doesn't hesitate to demand that we kill people in his name.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Welcome Bob!
Tell me, what passage from KJV most aptly expresses your feelings about Gods perfection?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Oh, no, there's been a misunderstanding here and I apologize for it. I appreciate the verse because it's one of the verses that show Gods real rules, not the rainbows and fluffy bunnies version of the Bible you get from televangelists and mainstream pastors. None of them tell people out there how much God hates the non believers, from the atheist trash to the money grubbing jews to the wacky Chinese cult religions. God isn't afraid to kill people and he doesn't hesitate to demand that we kill people in his name.

Yes... we know... so you picked that verse because you think you'll fit in with us by wanting to show your bloodlust. What makes you think we are so eager to get out there killing people? Haven't you seen the great work we do in leading people to be ex-gays and ex-negroes. Why is it always slaughter and hatred with you noobs?

How about you stop trying too hard and tell us the real reason why you are here and how much you feel Jesus's love swelling inside you fit to burst.

[Bob the Saved]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Welcome Bob!
Tell me, what passage from KJV most aptly expresses your feelings about Gods perfection?

Matthew 5:48

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Everyone knows real Christians can achieve that; unsaved trash are just made of sin and don't even know what perfection is.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Matthew 5:48

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Everyone knows real Christians can achieve that; unsaved trash are just made of sin and don't even know what perfection is.

Uh... newsflash. You are unsaved trash. Please expand on this idea of perfection. How do you go about achieving this state? Where do you start?

[Bob the Saved]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Yes... we know... so you picked that verse because you think you'll fit in with us by wanting to show your bloodlust. What makes you think we are so eager to get out there killing people? Haven't you seen the great work we do in leading people to be ex-gays and ex-negroes. Why is it always slaughter and hatred with you noobs?

How about you stop trying too hard and tell us the real reason why you are here and how much you feel Jesus's love swelling inside you fit to burst.

I apologize if I seem to be a troll; as I'm looking through the forum, I see you do get a lot of them in here. Probably Satan's minions, attempting to sway true Christians off the path. Believe me when I say, when I became a Christian and heard the good news of Jesus, I finally had that feeling of happiness filling me in a way that I have never felt before.

And, yes, Christians have been good at reaching out to gays and negroes and other, unsaved people who were unsaved simply because they had never heard the word of God. To the people who have heard the word and rejected it, though, those are the ones God's wrath is for. The liberals who want God's word taken out of schools and the homers who want to be able to legally rape any child they meet on the street and the scientists who try to say God lied in Genesis, those are the people we need gone so we can have a good, true Christian nation like it's supposed to be.

I ask you this: if I am sincere, what can I do to prove it to you?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Welcome to God's favorite forum, Mr. Murphy. Although the DOF tells me that this is not your first visit to our friendly shores.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

I ask you this: if I am sincere, what can I do to prove it to you?

Do you mean, What can I do to prove my sincerity?

Jesus knows all, dear. Come clean with us now and we can move on as appropriate.

[Bob the Saved]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Welcome to God's favorite forum, Mr. Murphy. Although the DOF tells me that this is not your first visit to our friendly shores.

Yes, you are right. I was here before I was saved as a God mocking atheist. I now want to turn my life around and be right with God.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

Yes, you are right. I was here before I was saved as a God mocking atheist. I now want to turn my life around and be right with God.

If this is the case you would be happy to settle down and read the Bible (KJV1611) cover to cover.

If you read for a hour a day you will be done in under a month.

See you then.

YIC

[Bob the Saved]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

If this is the case you would be happy to settle down and read the Bible (KJV1611) cover to cover.

If you read for a hour a day you will be done in under a month.

See you then.

YIC

I already have. The reason I came here is because I seek understanding of KJV1611 from good Christians.

My biggest single question is on how God wants me to deal with my godless parents. The Bible says that I should shun non believers and not associate with non Christians. For example, Romans 16:17

Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.

On the other hand, the fifth commandment says to honor my father and my mother. What does God want me to do when the non-believers are my father and mother?

[LaQrundrellia]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

I may be a dumb nigga, but you an athiest pretending and you trying to run a con on us Christians for that you gonna burn in hell.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Seeking Christian guidance

I already have. The reason I came here is because I seek understanding of KJV1611 from good Christians.

My biggest single question is on how God wants me to deal with my godless parents. The Bible says that I should shun non believers and not associate with non Christians. For example, Romans 16:17



On the other hand, the fifth commandment says to honor my father and my mother. What does God want me to do when the non-believers are my father and mother?

Do both, idiot.