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  • Mark Troyer
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Jun 2013
    • 5

    #1

    Welcome Brothers!

    I'm down here in unclean Mississippi looking for some righteousness to pass from Jesus to the rest of this filth unsaved. I have read about your church and would LOVE to join! In fact, I would like to start a church here so that I can share your ideas. How do I go about becoming ordained as a Pastor with you all!
    2 I will utterly consume all things from off the land, saith the Lord.
    3 I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea, and the stumbling blocks with the wicked: and I will cut off man from off the land, saith the Lord.
  • Alexandria Puckett
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Mar 2013
    • 256

    #2
    Re: Welcome Brothers!

    Originally posted by Mark Troyer View Post
    I'm down here in unclean Mississippi looking for some righteousness to pass from Jesus to the rest of this filth unsaved. I have read about your church and would LOVE to join! In fact, I would like to start a church here so that I can share your ideas. How do I go about becoming ordained as a Pastor with you all!
    Well, you could star by being a little more observant and reading the text above your initial post, silly!

    But PRAISE TO GOD that you found Landover, as they have the most lovely and Truest Christians here! So welcome! Tell us more about yourself!!
    But he answered and said, it is not right to take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs. (Matthew 15:26)

    Comment

    • Redeemed Papist
      Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
      True Christian™
      • Jul 2011
      • 10409

      #3
      Re: Welcome Brothers!

      Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.
      sigpic
      Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

      John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

      Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
      The truth about volcanos
      Sex and debauchery in public schools
      Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
      God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
      Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

      Comment

      • Mark Troyer
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Jun 2013
        • 5

        #4
        Re: Welcome Brothers!

        O sorry, I must've missed that brother. I of course am a member of the true church, not any of that that catholic antichristian mess. i came to know jesus, my dear lord and savior, which gives us his blood to drink and flesh to eat, praise jesus when i was about 5. i was told about hell and crying, i ran to the pulpit to beg for my sinful ways. I would be more than happy to answer anything else...
        2 I will utterly consume all things from off the land, saith the Lord.
        3 I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea, and the stumbling blocks with the wicked: and I will cut off man from off the land, saith the Lord.

        Comment

        • Mark Troyer
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Jun 2013
          • 5

          #5
          Re: Welcome Brothers!

          Sorry I missed the bible verse. Mine is Genesis 19:32-36
          2 I will utterly consume all things from off the land, saith the Lord.
          3 I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea, and the stumbling blocks with the wicked: and I will cut off man from off the land, saith the Lord.

          Comment

          • Pastor Ed Lowman
            Southern Hospitality Exemplified
            Always kind and loving
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2011
            • 1838

            #6
            Re: Welcome Brothers!

            Originally posted by Mark Troyer View Post
            I'm down here in unclean Mississippi looking for some righteousness to pass from Jesus to the rest of this filth unsaved.
            Welcome, Mark.

            Actually, Mississippi used to be one of the best places in the USA for committed white Christians to be and reap the benefits of a Jesus-made caucasian economy. They were the leaders in the opposition of that sinful Civil Rights movement (which was really just an excuse for coons to go ape in public and get sympathy). Although they have modernized, it is still considered a place to see uppity coloreds put in their place.

            Originally posted by Mark Troyer View Post
            I have read about your church and would LOVE to join! In fact, I would like to start a church here so that I can share your ideas. How do I go about becoming ordained as a Pastor with you all!
            One doesn't join the Lord's church but is added, friend...

            Acts 2:41: "Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls."

            Acts 2:47: "Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved."

            But continue in prayer, study, and dedication with perseverance and great things await!

            Warm Regards,

            Pastor Ed

            Comment

            • Redeemed Papist
              Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
              True Christian™
              • Jul 2011
              • 10409

              #7
              Re: Welcome Brothers!

              Masturbating to the Bible is a sin. I hope that is not why you picked a tale of fornication that led to the cursing and ultimate destruction of whole tribes.
              sigpic
              Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

              John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

              Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
              The truth about volcanos
              Sex and debauchery in public schools
              Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
              God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
              Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

              Comment

              • Mary Etheldreda
                Gushing for Jesus
                 
                • Sep 2011
                • 23775

                #8
                Re: Welcome Brothers!

                To what are we being welcomed?
                Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                Comment

                • Des
                  True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Jun 2013
                  • 2718

                  #9
                  Re: Welcome Brothers!

                  Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                  To what are we being welcomed?
                  I hope he isn't welcoming us to unclean Mississippi. I just had my Gucci loafers polished.
                  Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

                  Comment

                  • Faith_Machine
                    Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                    True Christian™
                    • Mar 2011
                    • 10050

                    #10
                    Re: Welcome Brothers!

                    Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                    To what are we being welcomed?
                    That's my question exactly. You don't waltz into somebody's living room and then presume to welcome them to their own house, do you?
                    WARNING:
                    In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                    REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                    Comment

                    • Mary Thompson
                      True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
                      True Christian™
                      • Mar 2013
                      • 653

                      #11
                      Re: Welcome Brothers!

                      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                      To what are we being welcomed?
                      Maybe, he is a tad cunfused and as the title of his introduction thread he wrote what he wanted us to say to him.
                      Thinking of Abortion?
                      That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
                      Think of the children. Stop being a slut.

                      Comment

                      • Mark Troyer
                        Forum Member
                        Forum Member
                        • Jun 2013
                        • 5

                        #12
                        Re: Welcome Brothers!

                        Yeah, I guess I should've said "greetings!" but if anyone wants to come down to unclean Mississippi, I've got some extra pillow cases you can wrap around your Gucci shoes. The filth might get through some of the *cough eyeholes in them though.

                        Masturbating to the Bible is a sin?! Masturbating is a sin!! Lord and Precious Jesus owns your body and it is His Mighty Temple! Would Jesus want you to molest His Temple? I think not!

                        My Bible verse I chose because it shows how the Bible is right no matter what these secular governments would like for us to believe. Put your faith in Him, not this world. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein! I was blind but now I see, praise Almighty Blessed Holy Precious Blood of Jesus to whom I owe thanks for forgiveness from our wickedness!
                        2 I will utterly consume all things from off the land, saith the Lord.
                        3 I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea, and the stumbling blocks with the wicked: and I will cut off man from off the land, saith the Lord.

                        Comment

                        • Mary Etheldreda
                          Gushing for Jesus
                           
                          • Sep 2011
                          • 23775

                          #13
                          Re: Welcome Brothers!

                          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                          That's my question exactly. You don't waltz into somebody's living room and then presume to welcome them to their own house, do you?
                          Maybe that's a new thing in Mississippi?

                          It's good to know, should we ever have to travel there.

                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                          Comment

                          • Didymus Much
                            Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                            • Jun 2010
                            • 14079

                            #14
                            Re: Welcome Brothers!

                            Originally posted by Des View Post
                            ...
                            If you were his brother, that would be epic.

                            Comment

                            • Mark Troyer
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Jun 2013
                              • 5

                              #15
                              Re: Welcome Brothers!

                              I consider us brothers because I come from a pure race and assume everyone else here does the same. I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that Adam and Eve were white. Somewhere along the way of Cain, as I recollect my pastor saying is where the Jews came from. Of course Jesus, bless His holy name who art in heaven praise the Father and the Spirit forgive us of our sins, was white too even though they make it out to seem like He was Jewish. Then along came Darky from one of Noah's sons while the Jews and Chinky were drowning in the flood. Of course some of them made it out alive along with some of the dinosaurs like the rhinoceros over there in Africa, the worst country in the world. Then finally, we have some miscegenation to produce the Spics and Tontos. Now all of us pure ones though, we're fine. God, bless his holy church the Lord is my shepherd who preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, is white. Then of course there are also the Catholics and Unsaved Trash, the heretic and whoremongers. There are the retards and downs whose mothers slept with demons. That pretty much only leaves a few pure ones so yeah, I consider us Brothers and Sisters.
                              2 I will utterly consume all things from off the land, saith the Lord.
                              3 I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea, and the stumbling blocks with the wicked: and I will cut off man from off the land, saith the Lord.

                              Comment

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