John C. Coleman at your service!

[John C. Coleman]

I'd like to say howdy and hi to all the folks here at Landover! I am a 33 year old Christian man that served in the army until I had my legs blown off my caramel people. The goo backs had ambushed us, but my buddy Cletus took them out before they got away! I wish I could be back in the army... Nothing feels better than cleansing the world of an impure caramel persons wrath. I have 3 children all were boys! Praise Jesus! I am currently out of work due to my legs being stolen by A rabs. My favorite bible verse is Genesis 1:1, because it proves evuliton wrong!

[Truvuv]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Thank you for defending God's favorite country against terrorists.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Friend, you are in luck! Jesus is going to sprout your legs back as soon as you enter Heaven, PRAISE!

(Philippians 3:20-21) "For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself."



Of course, you could always start praying now and see what He can do for you in the meantime...



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Scott Cole]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

I'd like to say howdy and hi to all the folks here at Landover! I am a 33 year old Christian man that served in the army until I had my legs blown off my caramel people. The goo backs had ambushed us, but my buddy Cletus took them out before they got away! I wish I could be back in the army... Nothing feels better than cleansing the world of an impure caramel persons wrath. I have 3 children all were boys! Praise Jesus! I am currently out of work due to my legs being stolen by A rabs. My favorite bible verse is Genesis 1:1, because it proves evuliton wrong!

Hello Mr Coleman, May i call you John? thanks

How did you find Jesus,what depravity put you on the path of holy righteousness? I'm also sorry to hear about your lack of legs Son, Im sure it must be horrible to be so foully disfigured, must suck not being able to walk or run

May God Bless the rest of your body though, friend

[John C. Coleman]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Hello Mr Coleman, May i call you John? thanks

How did you find Jesus,what depravity put you on the path of holy righteousness? I'm also sorry to hear about your lack of legs Son, Im sure it must be horrible to be so foully disfigured, must suck not being able to walk or run

May God Bless the rest of your body though, friend

Yes Mr.Cole you may call me John! I found Jesus at a very young age being risen in a household of faithful child-rearing proud American Christian baptist parents! There has been no deprativity that led me down the path of Christianity. Now I will not lie because lying is forbidden by God. (Proverbs 6:16-19) I have engaged in a homosexual party before that including evil fudge packers and drugs. However I stopped this behavior after being set back on the path of true Christianity by my great father.

It is difficult not having legs however I still maintain my dignity by not using one of those devil chairs! I walk on my two leg stubs wherever I go, because god didn't want me to depend on something like a devil chair! God made me a man so I could depend on myself!

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

I'd like to say howdy and hi to all the folks here at Landover! I am a 33 year old Christian man that served in the army until I had my legs blown off my caramel people. The goo backs had ambushed us, but my buddy Cletus took them out before they got away! I wish I could be back in the army... Nothing feels better than cleansing the world of an impure caramel persons wrath. I have 3 children all were boys! Praise Jesus! I am currently out of work due to my legs being stolen by A rabs. My favorite bible verse is Genesis 1:1, because it proves evuliton wrong!

Welcome, Mr. Coleman.

First, let me say: Thank you for your service! Second, welcome to Landover, where those who kill in God's Name have a special place of honor...

Deut. 3:22: Ye shall not fear them: for the Lord your God he shall fight for you.

Psalm 144:1: Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Exodus 15:3: The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.

Psalm 40:5: Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

Regards,

Pastor Ed

[John C. Coleman]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Welcome, Mr. Coleman.

First, let me say: Thank you for your service! Second, welcome to Landover, where those who kill in God's Name have a special place of honor...

Deut. 3:22: Ye shall not fear them: for the Lord your God he shall fight for you.

Psalm 144:1: Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Exodus 15:3: The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.

Psalm 40:5: Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

Regards,

Pastor Ed

Thank you for the warm welcomes Pastor Lowman. Your kind words mean a lot coming from a man of your stature. It warms my heart to know ive cleansed the world of at least SOME caramel people!

[Brother Larry]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

I'd like to say howdy and hi to all the folks here at Landover! I am a 33 year old Christian man that served in the army until I had my legs blown off my caramel people. The goo backs had ambushed us, but my buddy Cletus took them out before they got away! I wish I could be back in the army... Nothing feels better than cleansing the world of an impure caramel persons wrath. I have 3 children all were boys! Praise Jesus! I am currently out of work due to my legs being stolen by A rabs. My favorite bible verse is Genesis 1:1, because it proves evuliton wrong!

Praise the Lord for the infirm, since it gives me a reason to feel superior. (I don't get much chance for that normally).

Well, howdy howdy howdy, John! I'd like to shout out a friendly welcome to God's Favorite Forum. I am Brother Larry, an ex-cathylick masturbator who used to have a smart-alec attitude and dabbled in the abominable homersekshul lifestyle. Now that I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, I could probably recite the entire book of Leviticus to you (KJV1611 version, of course). It feels good to be headed toward the rapture being on the right side of the pits of hell provided I keep tithing and praising JESUS every day.

You have set up your tithes here, right? "Bring ye all the tithes into the store-house, that there may be meate in mine house, & proue me now herewith, saith the Lord of hostes, if I will not open you the windowes of heauen, and powre you out a blessing, that there shall not be roome enough to receiue it." Malachi 3:9 KJV1611

You might prepare your flocks, too: Deuteronomy 12:6 says,

"And thither yee shall bring your burnt offrings, and your sacrifices, and your tithes, and heaue offrings of your hand, and your vowes, and your free wil offerings, and the firstlings of your heards, and of your flocks."

I'm assuming you weren't in a military marching band considering your missing appendages. Since you insist on continuing to walk like that, I hope you aren't damaging your testicality, since it is necessary to keep your woman spewing forth future Christians.

Well, I need to go watch the DVD I borrowed from one of the fine men of the Church I live next door to, "Watch This Here Movie, You Filthy Ex-Masturbator, or All the Kittens in the World Will Perish." It's 90 minutes of cleansing affirmations and encouragement to keep me from the sin of Onan. (Genesis 38:9, "And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to passe when hee went in vnto his brothers wife, that hee spilled it on the ground, least that hee should giue seed to his brother.") I've made Onan turn over in his grave more than the average man in one lifetime. But praise GOD, I am no longer a slave to my right hand nor my left. SHOUT GLORY! (Please?)

The previews are about ready to end, so I gotta go. I have to send proof of my daily watching to the pastors so I can keep my ex-masturbator medal. Woohoo!

In brotherly love,
Brother Larry

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Praise the Lord for the infirm, since it gives me a reason to feel superior. (I don't get much chance for that normally).

Proverbs 6:16-19 "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look,a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."



YIC

[Brother Larry]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Proverbs 6:16-19 "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look,a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."



YIC

Sorry Dr. Niles. It's the influence of the papists from my past. I am a work in progress.

I am going to do an extra three hours in the prayer closet today and I will be a better man because of your chastising. There should be a Master Chastiser medal, and you should possess it.

Do you think I'll ever evolve above the one-celled intelligence level? I try so hard.

Meekly,
Brother Larry

PS: One day, we'll go toss a football, you and I. Just wait and see.

[Basilissa]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Sorry Dr. Niles. It's the influence of the papists from my past. I am a work in progress.

I am going to do an extra three hours in the prayer closet today and I will be a better man because of your chastising. There should be a Master Chastiser medal, and you should possess it.

Do you think I'll ever evolve above the one-celled intelligence level? I try so hard.

Um.... there is such thing as "evolution," my friend, so no, you cannot "evolve."

Just accept Jesus. I shall pray for you

[John C. Coleman]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Praise the Lord for the infirm, since it gives me a reason to feel superior. (I don't get much chance for that normally).

Well, howdy howdy howdy, John! I'd like to shout out a friendly welcome to God's Favorite Forum. I am Brother Larry, an ex-cathylick masturbator who used to have a smart-alec attitude and dabbled in the abominable homersekshul lifestyle. Now that I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, I could probably recite the entire book of Leviticus to you (KJV1611 version, of course). It feels good to be headed toward the rapture being on the right side of the pits of hell provided I keep tithing and praising JESUS every day.

You have set up your tithes here, right? "Bring ye all the tithes into the store-house, that there may be meate in mine house, & proue me now herewith, saith the Lord of hostes, if I will not open you the windowes of heauen, and powre you out a blessing, that there shall not be roome enough to receiue it." Malachi 3:9 KJV1611

You might prepare your flocks, too: Deuteronomy 12:6 says,

"And thither yee shall bring your burnt offrings, and your sacrifices, and your tithes, and heaue offrings of your hand, and your vowes, and your free wil offerings, and the firstlings of your heards, and of your flocks."

I'm assuming you weren't in a military marching band considering your missing appendages. Since you insist on continuing to walk like that, I hope you aren't damaging your testicality, since it is necessary to keep your woman spewing forth future Christians.

Well, I need to go watch the DVD I borrowed from one of the fine men of the Church I live next door to, "Watch This Here Movie, You Filthy Ex-Masturbator, or All the Kittens in the World Will Perish." It's 90 minutes of cleansing affirmations and encouragement to keep me from the sin of Onan. (Genesis 38:9, "And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to passe when hee went in vnto his brothers wife, that hee spilled it on the ground, least that hee should giue seed to his brother.") I've made Onan turn over in his grave more than the average man in one lifetime. But praise GOD, I am no longer a slave to my right hand nor my left. SHOUT GLORY! (Please?)

The previews are about ready to end, so I gotta go. I have to send proof of my daily watching to the pastors so I can keep my ex-masturbator medal. Woohoo!

In brotherly love,
Brother Larry

Thank you for your welcome! My testicles are fine for your information. I have no problem seeding my wife. Luckily the goobacks missed my ballbag when trying to shoot me, and our troops.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Welcome John. Sorry to hear about your legs. But are you sure it's not a spine misalignment that's really troubling you? I've seen many examples in my line of work where a patient thinks he has leg pain but it turns out to be either a spine issue or undiagnosed mental illness

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Welcome to the forum, I hope you spend many a long and happy hour here with us.

Btw, you said you are legless, does that mean you're a drunk?

[John C. Coleman]

Re: John C. Coleman at your service!

Welcome to the forum, I hope you spend many a long and happy hour here with us.

Btw, you said you are legless, does that mean you're a drunk?

I'm no drunk my legs were blown off in combat.