New to religion

[Michelle Elizabeth]

Hey I never followed religion ever, I am curious more than anything.

I am looking at all the oldest religions. Islam is just full of anger and sand people, so thats a no no full stop. Jews seem to love themselves. When it comes to christianity, it seems more logical and "normal" if you will, but where do I even start? So far people just say "You're going to hell" and that's just for asking questions, a little help?

[Basilissa]

Re: New to religion

Hey I never followed religion ever, I am curious more than anything.

I am looking at all the oldest religions. Islam is just full of anger and sand people, so thats a no no full stop. Jews seem to love themselves. When it comes to christianity, it seems more logical and "normal" if you will, but where do I even start? So far people just say "You're going to hell" and that's just for asking questions, a little help?

This is not much of an introduction, but you caught me in a good mood.



Read it and follow it to the letter. It's that simple.

[James Hutchins]

Re: New to religion

Welcome Mrs. Elizabeth. Has your husband filled out the requisite paperwork in the Chiurch office? Miss Cookie is away at a LBC confrence in Aukland.

I will not ask you anything else as I know women have 'episodes' all the time and I do not want to have you have aa screaming fit like most brits do.

[Brother Larry]

Re: New to religion

Hey I never followed religion ever, I am curious more than anything.

I am looking at all the oldest religions. Islam is just full of anger and sand people, so thats a no no full stop. Jews seem to love themselves. When it comes to christianity, it seems more logical and "normal" if you will, but where do I even start? So far people just say "You're going to hell" and that's just for asking questions, a little help?

Part of your problem is that you are in England, which is perhaps one of the most godless places in the entire world outside of Tehran. The good news is that you've reached our friendly forums.

Welcome!

I would like nothing more than to see you on your knees.
Romans 10:10 For with the heart man beleeueth vnto righteousnesse, and with the mouth confession is made vnto saluation.
While there, you will feel the love of sweep over you, and He will fill you with His love and grace. Of course, I don't have to come for you to kneel down right now. Just do so and then describe it to us here; what you felt, how your entire body quivered under the Holy Spirit. Slowly.

I know that our LORD has amazing things in store for you. After you get out of England, of course - since I doubt that He will take time to pick you out of all the anglicoons and mudslimes that have defiled the land of Her Majesty.

Brother Larry

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: New to religion

So far people just say "You're going to hell" and that's just for asking questions, a little help?

Seeing as the there's only enough space for 144,000 people in heaven, (Revelation 14:3–5, Revelation 14:1) and since there have been more than 100,000,000,000 people born (and 3 times that many conceived: see my next post), the vast majority of people ARE going to hell.

It's even worse when you consider that only 12,000 of them can be Americans, since that's the maximum allowed from any one tribe: (Revelation 7:3–8)

When your only problem is nails sticking up, the only tool you need is a hammer.

But of course the Bible can also answer any other questions you have. Go ahead, challenge us.

[Michelle Elizabeth]

Re: New to religion

Well I don't have a husband and am not prone to screaming at people, and yes most of the religious folk in England are muslims, all they do is burn things. Yes I shall have a proper good read of the bible

[Alvin Moss]

Re: New to religion

Praise God, Sister!

It is good to see another Christian appear in England. You will meet most of the rest of them on this site. There are about ten of them, including you. England is a godless country, as you know, but we work dilligently to bring them salvation. Most of them have been unwilling to accept our blandishments for Jesus and most of them seem to be homosexuals.

I believe the high percentage of homosexuals in England is responsible for the declining birth rate among the English. Also, the lack of new English has made room for Pakistanis, Nigerians, Chinamen and God knows what else. Thus, you few Christians are hunted for sport by heathen Muslims, Hindus and idol worshipping nigras. You will have to start following God's directive to be fruitful and multiply.

As for your personal salvation: Fear not, you will not go to Hell if you accept Jesus as your personal savior.

God Bless!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: New to religion

I should start a thread about this, but I just calculated that the average person's odds of entering heaven is less than 1 in 3,055,555.55556.

See, it's estimated that 107 billion people have been born, and considering that God kills 3 out of four people in miscarriages (and that's before before abortionists get them), and considering that that number would have been higher in the past, (but we don't know by how much, so I get to use an arbitrary, round number) and I calculated that 440 billion people have been conceived in the history of the world.

Then you simply divide by the amount of people that will enter heaven.

I wonder if we'll each get to have our own army of damned to be our slaves. Because having 3 million people working for you makes you equal to the world's largest employer (the US Department of Defence). They probably won't be very productive though, what with all the burning and wailing and gnashing teeth and stuff.

Edit: I started a thread about this.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New to religion

Hey I never followed religion ever, I am curious more than anything.

I am looking at all the oldest religions. Islam is just full of anger and sand people, so thats a no no full stop. Jews seem to love themselves. When it comes to christianity, it seems more logical and "normal" if you will, but where do I even start? So far people just say "You're going to hell" and that's just for asking questions, a little help?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: New to religion

Well I don't have a husband and am not prone to screaming at people, and yes most of the religious folk in England are muslims, all they do is burn things. Yes I shall have a proper good read of the bible

'allo Lizzie, 'ave you still got all your teef? Did you come daan the ol' apples and pears on your plates of meat to answer the dog and bone?

Well you and I can agree on one thing at least, mooslimbs. But enough of that for now, what we really want is for you to tell us about your walk with Jesus and how it felt when He entered you.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: New to religion

Hey I never followed religion ever, I am curious more than anything.

I am looking at all the oldest religions. Islam is just full of anger and sand people, so thats a no no full stop. Jews seem to love themselves. When it comes to christianity, it seems more logical and "normal" if you will, but where do I even start?

Hi, Michelle.

Why not start in Genesis and end with the last chapter of Revelation the way God intended (see 2 Tim 3:16-17)? Only by reading and ingesting God's Holy Word for yourself can you come to Know Jesus™.

So far people just say "You're going to hell" and that's just for asking questions, a little help?

Well, it remains the case that since you are not yet a believer, but just a curious seeker, then "you're going to hell" is the most relevant and needed help we can give you. But better to know that now than taking your sweet time in your search without knowing the urgency of God's Message of Salvation™ for mankind (see Hebrews 11:6; Titus 2:11-12; Acts 2:38; Mark 16:16; Romans 10:9-10).

Regards,

Pastor Ed

[Brother Larry]

Re: New to religion

Well I don't have a husband and am not prone to screaming at people, and yes most of the religious folk in England are muslims, all they do is burn things. Yes I shall have a proper good read of the bible

Michelle, ma belle, sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble. No husband, huh?

How YOU doin?

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: New to religion

Michelle, ma belle, sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble. No husband, huh?

How YOU doin?

Brother Larry, she's a Brit. You know, no teeth, huge guts from drinking pints of bitter, really bad skin, pasty complexions and serious body odour. Please be careful, she has not been washed in the Blood of the Lamb.

[Brother Larry]

Re: New to religion

Brother Larry, she's a Brit. You know, no teeth, huge guts from drinking pints of bitter, really bad skin, pasty complexions and serious body odour. Please be careful, she has not been washed in the Blood of the Lamb.

Wow, Brother Thomas, how can I thank you? I'm off to my prayer closet for about 7 hours.

Bless you, sir.