[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Jesus has been posting on this forum for years. It's His favorite.

And the Holy Ghost haunts these threads as well.

Ooh, the Holy Ghost. I'll bet those posts are inspiring.

I couldn't help but notice that Christ has such a low post count (no offense, Lord). Does this mean that some of them have been unapproved, so that we do not rob the faithless of their freedom to burn in Hell? For example, if Christ revealed something that only He would know, such as His sandal size, that would remove all doubt of His existence, and the unsaved trash would have NO CHOICE but to believe then. That wouldn't be very loving to force people to believe with too much evidence.

[Cursed]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

But what have you done for us lately?

You worthless piece of garbage! I swear if I ever meet you God Help Me from doing the work of the righteous.

You should get down on your KNEES and thank the LORD GOD every day for secular laws, my most vile friend.

[Talitha]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Happy Birthday Jesus.

Thank you for not killing me this year. PRAISE YOU.

I bought you some new sandals, just the way you like them, and guaranteed not made by a slant.

Hope you like them

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

For example, if Christ revealed something that only He would know, such as His sandal size, that would remove all doubt of His existence,

Dear Damned One, we know the sandal size of Our Saviour - it is "Perfect".

(You know He will forgive you if you seek Him out, don't you?)

PS

Dear Lord, thank you for posting Your Message of Hope and Love - do you think you could get around to cursing the oak tree in my neighbor's garden as it is blocking the light to my pool.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

something that only He would know, such as His sandal size,

I bought you some new sandals, just the way you like them,

I see I have been going to the wrong Christmas parties.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Dear Damned One, we know the sandal size of Our Saviour - it is "Perfect".

(You know He will forgive you if you seek Him out, don't you?)

PS

Dear Lord, thank you for posting Your Message of Hope and Love - do you think you could get around to cursing the oak tree in my neighbor's garden as it is blocking the light to my pool.

Brother, if you need your oak tree taken care of, Jesus may have placed it in the path of my hungry axehead. It is the only worthy gift that a parking lot tither like myself could bestow upon one who knows the Lord's sandal size.

I only ask the privilege of giving it a slow death.

[Sophie Hennig]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Ohhm, my! M'Lord, I am so blessed and HAPPY to meet you! This is like the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! I am actually just crying of happiness!
Nothing I could ever do in this life could show how GRATEFUL I am for your sacrifice you made for us!

Lord, I am doing the best to serve you and I follow every word you teach us! I am sorry for every little sin of mine and I wish I could kiss the floor you walked on. I am only a inferior woman and I beg for your forgiveness, I BEG you! I would do anything for you!
I LOVE YOU JESUS!!

[Felicity]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Happy Birthday Jesus.

Thank you for not killing me this year. PRAISE YOU.

I bought you some new sandals, just the way you like them, and guaranteed not made by a slant.

Hope you like them

[ATTACH]20399[/ATTACH]

I...

Oh, I... hadn't realized we were buying presents.

Jesus, listen, I, um...

I haven't picked out your present yet. But I'm definitely giving you something really awesome. It will probably arrive after Christmas, though.

[Ignorant Buttmunch]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

A false prophet has appeared. Smite it!
Matthew 7:15
It's horrible that Satan needs to impersonate Jesus. It's even more horrible that "True Christians™" worship it.

[Jesus]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

A false prophet has appeared. Smite it!
Matthew 7:15
It's horrible that Satan needs to impersonate Jesus. It's even more horrible that "True Christians™" worship it.

Did you want a sign that I am the Christ? Too bad for you, Pharisee. I already gave you the sign of Jonah. I was in the earth for three days and then I rose. If that isn't good enough for you, I'm sure I can make other arrangements for you for all eternity.

[Ignorant Buttmunch]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Did you want a sign that I am the Christ? Too bad for you, Pharisee. I already gave you the sign of Jonah. I was in the earth for three days and then I rose. If that isn't good enough for you, I'm sure I can make other arrangements for you for all eternity.

Only thing is that you are not Jesus but Satan.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Only thing is that you are not Jesus but Satan.

Prove it, or STFU.

[Jesus]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

Only thing is that you are not Jesus but Satan.

The Pharisees accused me of the same thing. I will tell you the same thing I told them.

Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand: And if Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself; how shall then his kingdom stand?And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your children cast them out? therefore they shall be your judges.
But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you.
Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house.
He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.

[Lamya Tempest]

Re: Don't Forget My Birthday

How could I forget birthday of my uncle