[Meek and Humble]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Well, it doesn't, that's just a known fact. You have a wife, don't you? When you have sex with her I'm sure you feel closer to her.

In the Bible, it says that lust is wrong. It also says that sex before marriage is wrong. But since you are married, its not lust. So sex for other reasons than strictly reproduction is okay.

First you say that it comes from the Bible, then you say it doesn't come from the Bible, but it's just a "fact" you know. ROFL, do you even think before you type? Do you even think?

And no, sex for reasons other than reproduction is evil. Have you read the story of Onan in Genesis? According to tradition, Onan had to marry his dead brother's wife since he died without giving her a child. Onan married her, had sex with her, but spilled his seed on the ground so that he wouldn't have a baby. God was so angry at Onan, he killed him on the spot. THAT'S what God thinks about sex between married people for pleasure!

[Satan Is THAT bad]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

You be callin us Negros "colored". Dats racist

NO. You are WRONG. No easy buckets in my church, miss.

[Miss April]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

NO. You are WRONG. No easy buckets in my church, miss.

Do you even go to Church? But how dare you say that Wonderful Sister Vavoline Johnson is not right She is not wrong That man was being racist Next time get your facts right first

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Gosh,

Reading the opening post made me think way back to 1985.

My husband and I were married on the 19th October of that year. It certainly was a beautiful day and with God watching over us, everything went off without a hitch.

After the ceremony and the reception afterwards, my now deceased husband and myself had a stay in a hotel up at Kings Cross in Sydney. I was reluctant to stay there, considering the area is one of ill repute, a lot of prostitution and cross-dresser gay dalliances, but it was close to the airport and all and our flight to our honeymoon destination was at 5.am. Given the time of the flight, I agreed. He was a very special, considerate man; he asked my thoughts on things and went out of his way to ensure all my clothes matched to a tee with my shoes and handbag.

Given where we were staying, he suggested that it may be a good time to go and preach The Word to all the hopeless sinners out there. He did think of my safety however and demanded I stay in the hotel room and he would go and spread the Good Word in as many gay bars and clubs as he could! He was always thinking of those "hard nuts to crack", homers, so any opportunity that arose, he would be out there hands on.

Given his love of his fellow man, and his desire to embrace as many as he could, he and I didn't consummate our marriage on that night, nor for several months after and it was just the once. After that, he was off to boot camp, again, doing what he loved doing; sharing his love of man.

Jeepers, I teared up as I wrote that Brothers and Sisters. Please forgive my emotional outburst.

YIC,

WS.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

There are many good reasons not to rush into, you know, that stuff on the honeymoon.

Weddings can be stressful on a bride and groom, plus there is a lot of food. It's better to get a good night's sleep on the wedding night then give it to wait a day or two and digest that heavy meal.

There is also no reason to overindulge in sex during the marriage.

My ex and I went from once or twice during the honeymoon week down to once or twice a month during that first half-year we were married.

The second six months it was down to once every month or so and in following years we reigned in our fleshly desires to about twice a year, then once every other year.

We continued to pray and attend church together and that kept our marriage stable. Finally, we managed to go seven years without any sex, before I, alas, rebelled against the Lord and headed off into a life of independent thought which only just ended with my acceptance into LBC.

I do wish the Lord had blessed me with children, though.

Regretfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Just a reminder for the new brides. When you do "do it" after you are married it is best to place a clean sheet over your entire body and face. Cut a hole out for your nether regions. Place the sheet over you, lay completely still and say silent prayers while your new hubby does his business.

Remember, if you enjoy it, you are a whore and it's probably Satan making you feel pleasure. Sex should never be pleasurable!

[Wide-Open]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Amen Sister!

But.

If I may give a bit of extra personal advice... In case your new hubby is not familiar with this procedure, please don't tell him you are "going to make this real easy for you" while dressed in a white sheet, carrying scissors. Duly inform him first.

Although it's a long time ago now, I admit I did faint.

[Larry Lee]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Just a reminder for the new brides. When you do "do it" after you are married it is best to place a clean sheet over your entire body and face. Cut a hole out for your nether regions. Place the sheet over you, lay completely still and say silent prayers while your new hubby does his business.

Sister, that's truly beautiful advice, which any True Christian™ bride can follow as (in)frequently as needed. I would only add that, in order to hasten-along the disagreeable proceedings as quickly as possible, the TC™ bride should learn to rhythmically and vigorously contract her "nether musculature" -- all the while saying her silent prayers -- and thereby advance the inevitable. It's said this procedure fosters the conception of soldiers (not handmaidens) for Christ.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

A brief word here regarding the matter of "position". Now, we all know that God's position on the matter is that intercourse, (the only acceptable form of sexual activity ) within marriage ( a big "duh" to that one) exists solely for the co-creation of souls to glorify God.

Now, it is general knowledge that past missionary efforts to various heathen people included instructions as to the proper alignment of bodies (married bodies, bud ) to ensure maximum potential for conception. Obviously, the heathen folk were doing it wrong which is why all such lands were underpopulated and ripe for Christian colonization.

Still, the question must be asked: is the so-called missionary position, or ventro -ventrical sex, really the optimal choice for conception? It carries with it the potential for embarrassment of the couple if the room is not dark enough and they happen to have to look at each other during the procedure. And since speed is of the essence-- particularly as it applies to supplying the essence-- any position that can provide maximum bang for minimum bucks should be considered.

Consider the fertility of farmyard animals. What is deemed the "quadruped position" seems to work very well for -- well, quadrupeds. They do not lack for offspring. They do not have to face each other during the disgusting act, and if the "service" of the average stallion or bull to the average mare or cow is any indication, the matter is over and done with very quickly.

It may be time to reconsider the matter of alignment in furthering the conception of Christian Soldiers. The method noted above gets the matter done fast, with little embarrassment, minimal body contact and it's a well known fact that women Do Not enjoy that particular position. Since True Christian ladies are not supposed to enjoy the act anyway, why take any chances? Stick with what works, that what I always say.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Larry Lee]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

A brief word here regarding the matter of "position". Now, we all know that God's position on the matter is that intercourse, (the only acceptable form of sexual activity ) within marriage ( a big "duh" to that one) exists solely for the co-creation of souls to glorify God.

Now, it is general knowledge that past missionary efforts to various heathen people included instructions as to the proper alignment of bodies (married bodies, bud ) to ensure maximum potential for conception. Obviously, the heathen folk were doing it wrong which is why all such lands were underpopulated and ripe for Christian colonization.

Still, the question must be asked: is the so-called missionary position, or ventro -ventrical sex, really the optimal choice for conception? It carries with it the potential for embarrassment of the couple if the room is not dark enough and they happen to have to look at each other during the procedure. And since speed is of the essence-- particularly as it applies to supplying the essence-- any position that can provide maximum bang for minimum bucks should be considered.

Consider the fertility of farmyard animals. What is deemed the "quadruped position" seems to work very well for -- well, quadrupeds. They do not lack for offspring. They do not have to face each other during the disgusting act, and if the "service" of the average stallion or bull to the average mare or cow is any indication, the matter is over and done with very quickly.

It may be time to reconsider the matter of alignment in furthering the conception of Christian Soldiers. The method noted above gets the matter done fast, with little embarrassment, minimal body contact and it's a well known fact that women Do Not enjoy that particular position. Since True Christian ladies are not supposed to enjoy the act anyway, why take any chances? Stick with what works, that what I always say.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

Handmaiden, what you say is undoubtedly true, but how did you ever acquire such knowledge? You're not interested in this topic, are you?

[Wide-Open]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

I would only add that, in order to hasten-along the disagreeable proceedings as quickly as possible, the TC™ bride should learn to rhythmically and vigorously contract her "nether musculature" -- all the while saying her silent prayers --

Brother, I am sure you know much more about this subject than I do, but I have to admit I'm as confused as a fly that's been chasing a plastic horse for a day.

Can you explain to me how doing sit-ups would speed up this most uncomfortable encounter?

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Handmaiden, what you say is undoubtedly true, but how did you ever acquire such knowledge? You're not interested in this topic, are you?

Personally, no. But from a scientific point of view, I was advised that different angles improve the delivery system of the sacred seed. Depth of, ahem, penetration ensures a shorter swim for the little guys. It also provides a faster, thus less troublesome, delivery for the bigger guy, if you take my meaning.

Less effort on the part of the husband, less distress for the wife, speedier delivery-- not just to the front door but practically to the oven itself; tell me that God wouldn't approve of such efficiency.

Remember, the only part of the delivery system that is to be protracted is the pain of childbirth, which women deserve. Sperm delivery is to be as quick and simple for the man as possible, and a good Christian husband ensures that it is endurable as possible for his wife. The position recommended by my physician is perhaps more distasteful for women because of its lack of "romance" but the benefit of having the matter over an done with within a minute or two outweighs that aspect.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Larry Lee]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Brother, I am sure you know much more about this subject than I do, but I have to admit I'm as confused as a fly that's been chasing a plastic horse for a day.

Can you explain to me how doing sit-ups would speed up this most uncomfortable encounter?

Yes, it's surprising to learn that women can actually contribute something positive to the Marriage Act. What Mrs. Wide-Open needs to do is to grab ahold of "you" with her "nether musculature" in an uncompromising, vice-like grip. Her goal is to create the pneumatic pressure that complements your own furtive movements. Wives who have perfected this technique report they can successfully conclude the nastiness of the Marriage Act in practically half the time it would normally take.

You might wonder how a True Christian™ wife can learn to perform such a useful skill. The answer is Practice.. and a lot of it. She should start by training her nether regions to lift, manipulate, and perhaps lightly juggle small household objects. From there -- as she becomes stronger and more confident -- she can move on to the challenges presented by a salumi or frikandel. After mastering them, I do regret to tell you she has no choice but to request your cooperation in her continued training. We're talking about intervals and repetitions. Set aside entire days just for her development.

In only a few short weeks or months (or perhaps a year), she'll develop the lady-muscles that can crack a tooth. You'll find yourself entering your bedroom after a long day at the office; you'll see the pulsing glint in her eye -- And you'll know your manhood is about to receive a thrashing, not different from what our Lord received from Rome's centurions. Under NO circumstances should you attempt to resist the Holy Power of her Lady Muscles. Our God's future Soldiers-for-Christ thank you.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Yes, it's surprising to learn that women can actually contribute something positive to the Marriage Act. What Mrs. Wide-Open needs to do is to grab ahold of "you" with her "nether musculature" in an uncompromising, vice-like grip. Her goal is to create the pneumatic pressure that complements your own furtive movements.

You might wonder how a True Christian™ wife can learn to perform such a useful skill. The answer is Practice.. and a lot of it. She should start by training her nether regions to lift, manipulate, and perhaps lightly juggle small household objects. From there -- as she becomes stronger and more confident -- she can move on to the challenges presented by a salumi or frikandel. After mastering them, I do regret to tell you she has no choice but to request your cooperation in her continued training. We're talking about intervals and repetitions. Set aside entire days just for her development.

Brother, I fear I must counter your advice in this matter. The muscular "development" of which you speak requires a sustained, intense level of inward focus that should properly be given over only to the Lord.

Furthermore, there have been reports that this form of "exercise", like so many others, releases mood-altering chemicals known as endorphins. The practice can produce sensations that proper ladies might find distressful.

As head of the wife, it rests on the man to initiate, direct, undertake, and end the act in as Godly a manner as possible. Her presence as the weaker vessel should be as passive as possible. The wineskin isn't expected to encourage or facilitate the vintner into depositing his wine.The wineskin merely receives the wine and provides an environment for the process of fermentation to proceed.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[James Dewitt]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

I am a bit perplexed, can some one possible show me a sketch.