[Jim Farmer]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
I can assure you I did not look at a pornographic image of a woman or otherwise look lustfully at women to produce the seed

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

But you stroked your shaft, didn't you? That's the part that I'm worried about. I sure would hate to see you get in trouble with God.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

But you stroked your shaft, didn't you? That's the part that I'm worried about. I sure would hate to see you get in trouble with God.

Biblical reference?

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

But you stroked your shaft, didn't you? That's the part that I'm worried about. I sure would hate to see you get in trouble with God.

Not to brag, but I am able to ejaculate spontaneously just by imagining Christ hanging on the cross. If I time it just right, I can seed the wife with a single, decisive stab followed by a hasty withdrawal (and showering til the hot water runs out)...almost like it never even happened at all.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

My husband (he gave me permission to post this) was very efficient. In less than three minutes, he deflowered me, consummated the marriage, and impregnated me. He even had the kindness to make it as painful for me (which was also very comfortable as him, I was his human pillow, beneath him, in every way that a wife should be) as possible in order to make sure I got to heaven!

[Basilissa]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Gee.. that's a good question.

How will I do that? ... Whooo... Well.. ummn... I got faith you see. So perhaps if I just pray it away I'll run into some luck.

Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Sorry, but can we change the topic please? My step dad got arrested for DUI last night and he had been asking me to bail him out.

Well, did you try praying? Since you have faith that God can immaculately impregnate a woman for you, He surely can spare some money for bail for your dad!

But you stroked your shaft, didn't you? That's the part that I'm worried about. I sure would hate to see you get in trouble with God.

My beloved Brother FM: I (obviously) don't know ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING about these things, but I'm sure that our Brother Jim was able to extract his seed without engaging in any type of fornication - with the assistance of , of course.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Basilissa, in my pre-saved days, I engaged in a lot of self-abuse, so I'm something of a spurt expert. I hate to say it, but I don't think the average man can get that spurt to happen without some amount of manual stimulation.

I fear brother Jim has unwittingly allowed the demon of Onanism to lead him down its primrose path.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Genesis 38:9-10
9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10 And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.

What upset God was that the seed was spilled. I have already said that I took great care to spill no seed.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

But you experienced sexual pleasure in order to, um, produce your seed. That can't be a good thing.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Genesis 38:9-10
9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10 And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.

What upset God was that the seed was spilled. I have already said that I took great care to spill no seed.

But you experienced sexual pleasure in order to, um, produce your seed. That can't be a good thing.

Gentlemen, you have veered astray from the topic of this thread, and the discussion you are having should not be conducted in front of the womenfolk. Please take it to the Men's Only section of the forum, where no woman would dare to tread.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Thank you Pastor Zeke. On behalf of my dear, dear brother Jim, I would like to sincerely apologize for his inappropriate posts.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Thank you Pastor Zeke! My air-headed lady brain was getting overloaded by this very graphic conversation about certain male issues!

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Thank you Pastor Zeke! My air-headed lady brain was getting overloaded by this very graphic conversation about certain male issues!

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth

Unfortunately Brother Machine can't confine his lewdness to himself and his poor lady in his dungeon. Is it any wonder that his signature contains warnings!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Oh my goodness!

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Only sluts have wet vajayjays: give your husband the dry sex he craves!

Mr. Farmer, maybe could you move this forum to the men's section, thus, as you pointed out, Mr. Faith Machine's "lewdness" is out of the delicate ladies' sight? My husband said that he really doesn't want to have to give me a slap over the head if I faint or vomit all over the table because of this forum...

Meekly and feeling rather ill,
Elizabeth