Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

I am sorry to bother you, but I have just heard on the BBC radio news that a woman called Liz Truss (apparently some sort of British government ministress) has been to Moscow and annoyed President Putin and as a result she is expecting Russia to invade the UK WITHIN DAYS! Okay, as one of my children pointed out this might mean tomorrow or it might mean within a million days, she didn't specify. But I don't think she'd have mentioned it unless it were imminent. She might of course be pre-menstrual?

Now a Russian invasion would be no big deal, but at the same time there is a MAJOR dispute over some bits of sand in the Indian Ocean (which is between Austria and Africa) called the Chagos Islands British Indian Ocean Territory, an area controlled by the UK under the supervision of the local very important US military base. (For those who care, maps of the area are shown in the link, though Mauritania is somewhere near the Sahara.)

It seems that someone has turned up in a canoe and planted a Mauritanian flag in the sand. I dare say it will fall over, but A Line (and not just in the sand) Has Been Crossed and it looks as though the UK will have to simultaneously fight the Chagans, or whatever they call themselves, AND the Mauritanians, AND the Russians.

The UK can probably handle the Russians. My boys are already busy painting signposts in the acrylic alphabet. They will attach these to existing signposts but pointing in the wrong direction. And the older ones are preparing to mine the local beaches. But the Mauritanians and Chaganos are an unknown quantity, and we are praying for the US to intervene and (yet again) rescue the UK there.

It is all mildly worrying.

[handmaiden]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

Sister Joanna, your boys are very clever; you have done well for your husband.

As for the possibility of war on those other fronts, does the UK not have any nukes? It seems to me that if these areas are as sandy as you note, that processing that irritating grit into useful glass is reason enough to deploy one or two warheads.

How would your husband feel if the boys had the opportunity to work in mosaic forms? Would that be deemed too feminine? I know that the ancient Romans had wondrous mosaics. Perhaps some of Jesus' early followers managed to make a living that way. They can't all have been fishermen and tentmakers.

And just to be on the safe side, I will be keeping your host country in my prayers. I know that they are not assured of The Lord's staunch protection in the same way as America is.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

As for the possibility of war on those other fronts, does the UK not have any nukes?

I think so, but rumor has it that Boris Johnson has mislaid the codes. One of the children asked if he had eaten them.

How would your husband feel if the boys had the opportunity to work in mosaic forms?

Matthew says thanks for the laugh, Sister! If they were left to themselves, everything in the house would end up in pre-artistificated mosaic form. But as for nuking, are you thinking of the Chagos Islands? Because the population there is, apparently, almost 96% American plus a few Britishers and others, and 0.00000-recurring% Chagans. Although Biden would probably be more than happy to take out his own military, it seems to Matthew that this might not play well with the American people.

It does make me wonder, though, whether the USA is covertly declaring war on the UK. This is perfectly fine, obviously, though it would have been nice to have been warned.

[handmaiden]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

I think so, but rumor has it that Boris Johnson has mislaid the codes. One of the children asked if he had eaten them.
Matthew says thanks for the laugh, Sister! If they were left to themselves, everything in the house would end up in pre-artistificated mosaic form. But as for nuking, are you thinking of the Chagos Islands? Because the population there is, apparently, almost 96% American plus a few Britishers and others, and 0.00000-recurring% Chagans. Although Biden would probably be more than happy to take out his own military, it seems to Matthew that this might not play well with the American people.

It does make me wonder, though, whether the USA is covertly declaring war on the UK. This is perfectly fine, obviously, though it would have been nice to have been warned.

That is one of the nice things about Putin. He has been so gracious in telegraphing his intentions.

[Basilissa]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

...Chagans...

Are these the people who invented the Chagas disease???

Chagas disease is named after the Brazilian physician Carlos Chagas, who discovered the disease in 1909. It is caused by the parasite Trypanosoma cruzi, which is transmitted to animals and people by insect vectors and is found only in the Americas (mainly, in rural areas of Latin America where poverty is widespread). Chagas disease (T. cruzi infection) is also referred to as American trypanosomiasis.

Complications of chronic Chagas disease may include

• Heart rhythm abnormalities that can cause sudden death;
• A dilated heart that doesn’t pump blood well; and
• A dilated esophagus or colon, leading to difficulties with eating or passing stool.

[Isabella White]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

It is all mildly worrying.

Now, now, dear Sister Joanna; I do know that all of the news of the past few days has been a bit unsettling, but we must remember that is in control of everything, and nothing will happen without approval!

Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the directeth his steps."

And, should merrie olde England require some assistance, I am sure that your dear Prime Minister will be sure to ask the blessed for some help. This issue might require a bit of intervention from our side; and, I have no doubt that will direct our beloved President Trump to assist Prime Minister Boris.

That is one of the nice things about Putin. He has been so gracious in telegraphing his intentions.

Oh, yes, and how very true this is, dear Sister Handmaiden. And, I think that one of the main reasons why Mr. Putin is so gracious is due to his truly warm and friendly relationship that he enjoys — so very much — with President Trump!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

I feel sorry for those of you in Britain. Bois Johnson made a mistake by apologizing for drinking away an evening unmasked. Putin never apologizes and thinks any leader who does wants Russia to take his country.

Maybe if Johnson could ride around on a tank like Presidential Candidate Mike Dukakis it would impress Putin.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

Maybe if Johnson could ride around on a tank like Presidential Candidate Mike Dukakis it would impress Putin.

Well it's not a tank but Boris Johnson can ride around Europe being Presidential in a bus like his hand-picked negotiators for the Brexit victory.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

You would think Russia learned from the trouble they faced in Afghanistan and Chechnya...

...would they really invade another Muslim country right now?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

Uh oh, it's "squeaky arse" time as the Brits say, with Putin calling out the UK specifically for a "proportionate response" to its tiresome interference. The British will understand that as a very sternly worded letter. Let's see if Boris will send in the boys or be a hopeless Partygate £50 coward.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

Isn't Boris a Russian name?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

Isn't Boris a Russian name?

Boris's heritage is actually American Turkish British English. The right sort of English.

Unfortunately for Boris, the newspapers will not let up lately. A new "damning" report has just come out.

Boris Johnson's staff got drunk, brawled and abused cleaners during Covid lockdowns

Drunken staff vomiting and fighting with each other.

Downing Street walls stained with red wine.

[Staff] told to avoid "walking around waving bottles of wine"

And the parties were pretty good too, I imagine...! Johnson said he was "humbled" and has "learned my lesson", so I guess that's the best outcome for everyone.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

Boris's heritage actually American Turkish British English. The right sort of English...

I thought I heard he was French English?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

I thought I heard he was French English?

A Frenchman as Prime Minister of the UK isn't that far fetched. They elected a Jew as their PM in 1874. Only thing they'll never put in Downing Street is a Negro (or a "wog" in the British dialect of American), and they call us the racists. Where's your Barack Hussein Osambo, England?

[Adam Fag]

Re: Please send help! Britain faces war on two fronts!

I think it's time for a song.