Does FM Have a New Van?

[Des]

I hate to have to bring this up in public, but here goes. Ever since buying a summer home in Freehold, I've been complaining to Mayor Hold about the eyesore that is Brother Machine's van. I've even offered to lend Brother M one of my Hummers until he can afford a decent ride. Yet every Sunday morning, I was struck with the sight of his van parked near the Sunday School plaza.

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However, last Sunday the van wasn't anywhere to be seen. Finally, I thought, Brother Mayor Hold had finally had a talk with Brother M.

And yet yesterday morning, while taking my morning stroll, what did I see parked across the street from the Low Income Sunday School/Laundry Service Center?

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Coincidence? I think not!

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

I offered to buy Brother Faith Machine's van two weeks ago, but he wouldn't dream of it. Then he asked me to sell him my ice cream truck. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was starting another youth outreach ministry! I told him I would bend over backwards to help him with that. He looked at me funny and said, "I know". What in the world has gotten into him lately?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Thank God that disgusting truck with the "Free Candy" is gone. With that socialist Bernie Sanders rising in the polls we can hardly set a bad example to our children with messages of socialism. We can't afford to produce another generation like the present entitled, inept, and insufferable Millennials - to say nothing about another Obama style communist in office.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

That reminds me, has anyone heard from Cookie?

[Des]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

I think it is high time someone table a motion at the next city council meeting and propose that all vehicles within the city limit be no more than 3 years old, with the exception of fully restored classic vehicles of course.

Furthermore, this whole harebrained notion of 'self expression' by painting nonsensical messages on the sides of vehicles needs to stop. Stencil your company logo on the vehicle, for goodness sake, or get a professional detailer to do it for you. This town deserves aesthetics and good taste. Does anyone want God to drop in on us only to have to have Him look at crudely painted signs and rusty rattletraps?

[Basilissa]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

I think it is high time someone table a motion at the next city council meeting and propose that all vehicles within the city limit be no more than 3 years old, with the exception of fully restored classic vehicles of course.

Furthermore, this whole harebrained notion of 'self expression' by painting nonsensical messages on the sides of vehicles needs to stop. Stencil your company logo on the vehicle, for goodness sake, or get a professional detailer to do it for you. This town deserves aesthetics and good taste. Does anyone want God to drop in on us only to have to have Him look at crudely painted signs and rusty rattletraps?

I agree with you on the nonsensical messages. However, having Jesus stickers and logos and whatnot is in good taste, obviously:









Doesn't that last car belong to one of our Godly Pastors?

[Des]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

But Sister, that is Divine expression, not self expression. Two entirely different things.

[Nobar King]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

This is where you get the real candy!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Whenever I spoke to Brother Machine about his van he would tearfully tell me how much he loves little children and how much they love his candy.

As a compromise, he has updated both the van and the quality of his candy.

[Harsha Shah]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Yes, it is Harsha Shah here. I hope I am not offending anyone but I am just thinking that Mr. Machine is a very kind man and he would be deserving of a nice car, as well! Yes. I am thinking that you christians mostly use your motorcars to go to Church and to have sermons, apparently Mr. Machine is also doing some delivery of free samples of sweets. Yes, I think that he is very sweet, too (I hope this is not offending). This is showing everyone that regardless of the religion, people can embrace non-violence and goodwill towards all creatures. Yes.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Maybe there were traces of Mistress Cookie in his old van - hair, stiletto shoe marks, maybe she even scrawled help messages on the inside. Maybe her body is in it!

[Des]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Maybe there were traces of Mistress Cookie in his old van - hair, stiletto shoe marks, maybe she even scrawled help messages on the inside. Maybe her body is in it!

Possibly, but I doubt it. I glanced in a few times, just to see what kinds of duffel bags he might have in there. All I ever saw was duct tape, rope, and pillowcase-sized burlap sacks. Come to think of it though, I never saw any actual candy.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Possibly, but I doubt it. I glanced in a few times, just to see what kinds of duffel bags he might have in there. All I ever saw was duct tape, rope, and pillowcase-sized burlap sacks. Come to think of it though, I never saw any actual candy.

It's perfectly normal for a candy-based ministry to carry tools of the trade. I teach all my boys to always carry rope with them, just in case the Lord calls upon you to bind anything for Him. The duct tape can be used to fix just about any situation you might find yourself mixed up in. And the burlap bag was empty because he gave away all the bulk candy that came in it. Brother Faith Machine's been very busy with his outreach! Praise Jesus!

[Des]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

It's perfectly normal for a candy-based ministry to carry tools of the trade. I teach all my boys to always carry rope with them, just in case the Lord calls upon you to bind anything for Him. The duct tape can be used to fix just about any situation you might find yourself mixed up in. And the burlap bag was empty because he gave away all the bulk candy that came in it. Brother Faith Machine's been very busy with his outreach! Praise Jesus!

Amazing how we professionals pack accordingly, isn't it? As a Christian Psychotherapist, I keep in my trunk a mixture of ketamine and xylazine for use on women who are prone to hysteria, various chains & restraints for self-abusive patients, lockable panel gags with 6 inch rubber buffers to prevent then from chewing off their tongues, and of course a 60" waterproof duffel bag that can carry up to 110 lbs, because frankly, who needs to carry a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶ anything over five feet t̶a̶l̶l̶ long and weighing more than 110 pounds anyway?

[Esther B.]

Re: Does FM Have a New Van?

Maybe there were traces of Mistress Cookie in his old van - hair, stiletto shoe marks, maybe she even scrawled help messages on the inside. Maybe her body is in it!

Samuel and I were wondering the exact same thing, Brother. Samuel thinks that someone should take a look at Brother Machine's old van.