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Radium Suppositories: Can They Help Us Cure Homosexuality?
Now that Godly President Trump has embraced the benefits of purging War (1 Samuel 15:18), it is time we turned out attention to the more pressing problems. The story so far:
We also know that since the 1970's the gay plague has spread in an exponential manner. More and more boys and girls succumb to the pleasures of same-sex flesh and lose almost all hope for Salvation (Romans 1:26). Something has changed but what? In the early years of the 20th century homosexuals were few and scattered. Rainbow flags did not flutter in hands shaking from the effects of recreational drugs and unnatural lust. Was there something present during the years, let's say, 1900-1936 that is no longer available. Indeed, there was. It was the era of Radium Therapy!
Radium: An element Created by God (Genesis 1:1) extracted from uraninite. An alkaline uranusinite Earth metal (remember Genesis 1:1, God Created the Earth - Earth metal - get it?). It glows beautifully.
Is it good? Remember: It emits Light! Let's ask God!
Genesis 1:4
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Yes, it is Good. Is Jesus involved? Remember: Radium emits Light. Let's ask Jesus!
John 8:12
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
Radium is Light and Jesus is light. Radium is the light of Life. What does Life mean? Once more, Let's ask Jesus!!
John 3:15
That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
It's time to get back to the gay scourge. With diminishing proportions of the World's population following Jesus (John 3:18), more and more are engaging in sodomistic homosexual sex. This leads to blasphemy (Matthew 12:31) and ultimately loss of all hope. We are among the few remaining people who care for the homosexuals and try to spread our Love to Help them! We can only reach as many despite our continuous efforts of evangelizing on the marketplace, the street, the mall. Before we can reach all the unsaved, some of them may be lost for good. Radium therapies provide us with a tool to slow down the homosexual plague among the unsaved and give them a chance to hear us before it is too late. It is unnecessary for True Christians™ to use the radium products, but if we can re-introduce them, I am sure that they will find avid consumers also among our Brethren and Sisters. Let us see what was available in the 1930's and what were the benefits of these particular products! I'm so excited!
First, the therapies to fight sodomy!
The suppositories! Praise Jesus! Instead of inserting a throbbing tallywhacker into one's dérrière, an aspiring sodomite will use these light-emitting extracts of the essence of pure Christ that decays into ionizing radiation that is lethal to the rectal demons. In addition, they can help you restore the "sex power" needed to consummate the repulsive but necessary monthly heterosexual act to produce offspring as ordered by Jesus (Genesis 1:28).
Radium Condoms! Glory to God! I know that no True Christian™ ever uses birth control (Genesis 1:28), but for the repenting homer, who still succumbs into occasional bouncing or the experimenting teen it can protect the active partner from being exposed to rectal demons until a preacher is available.
Radium water. Thank you, Jesus! It (remember John 7:38) will not only help control the ailments listed in the above image (when waiting for a suitable preacher), it would also protect the person from being afflicted irrevocably by the oral joys that homosexuals sodomites also practice.
Radio-active chocolate and butter! Praise God! All the intestine - the organ most susceptible to sodomistic pleasures - can be kept relatively clean during the period when a sodomite starts to question his/her activities but a preacher has not yet exorcised them!
What if the worst has happened and a sodomite or a harlot woman has engaged in unnatural oral acts and consumed the seeds of new soldiers for Christ! Radium toothpaste! Jesus Saves! While this cannot totally save a sinner, it may help to minimize the effects of fornication until definite help arrives in the form of a True Christian™ man and the Bible!
Radium cigarettes! By the Grace of God! Sometimes during the buccal act of unnaturality, a badly-timed inhalation may cause the entry of demonic entities through the airways. These health-promoting products can once again delay the onset of total depravity!
No, we have not forgotten the children! The most susceptible, the most fragile of creatures, who we must guard against sodomistic influences until they reach the age of Repentance. Praise Jesus (Mark 7:27)! With this radium wool and heaters our women can knit healthy and glowing sweaters to our babies and keep them protected during meals!
And no woman will turn into a female homosexual if she uses the radium-based beauty products.
Are there side-effects? Of course there are! Radium causes diverse malignant tumors but once the person is Saved, these cancers can be taken care of (Matthew 10:8) or if the ex-homer perishes, his place is Heaven is still secure (Romans 8:39). It's a real win-win situation.
For our preachers and exorcists who have to shake hands with sinners I recommend the following product of lush, creamy and soothing soap:
Exodus 30:21
So they shall wash their hands and their feet, that they die not: and it shall be a statute for ever to them, even to him and to his seed throughout their generations.
Where is the scientific evidence, I hear you say! Has the Creation Science Department verified these hypotheses? I can assure you that we have. Who is the manliest man ever?! Who's the most shining example of heterosexual manhood in Eternity?! It's Jesus! Let's ask Him!
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
Can radium help us attain this Godly Goal? Jesus will tell you the answer if you look at the image below!
Praise Jesus! I rest my case!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
PS. For our pianists and organistics, please rehearse the following nice tune for our next meeting!
- God Created Heaven and Earth (Genesis 1:1) including all the elements in it.
- The woman sinned (Genesis 3:6).
- Sodomy was introduced (1 Kings 14:24).
- Jesus tried to fight sodomy (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
- He failed, and sodomites continue to frequent our premises until Judgment Day (Revelation 22:14).
We also know that since the 1970's the gay plague has spread in an exponential manner. More and more boys and girls succumb to the pleasures of same-sex flesh and lose almost all hope for Salvation (Romans 1:26). Something has changed but what? In the early years of the 20th century homosexuals were few and scattered. Rainbow flags did not flutter in hands shaking from the effects of recreational drugs and unnatural lust. Was there something present during the years, let's say, 1900-1936 that is no longer available. Indeed, there was. It was the era of Radium Therapy!
Radium: An element Created by God (Genesis 1:1) extracted from uraninite. An alkaline uranusinite Earth metal (remember Genesis 1:1, God Created the Earth - Earth metal - get it?). It glows beautifully.
Is it good? Remember: It emits Light! Let's ask God!
Genesis 1:4
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Yes, it is Good. Is Jesus involved? Remember: Radium emits Light. Let's ask Jesus!
John 8:12
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
Radium is Light and Jesus is light. Radium is the light of Life. What does Life mean? Once more, Let's ask Jesus!!
John 3:15
That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
It's time to get back to the gay scourge. With diminishing proportions of the World's population following Jesus (John 3:18), more and more are engaging in sodomistic homosexual sex. This leads to blasphemy (Matthew 12:31) and ultimately loss of all hope. We are among the few remaining people who care for the homosexuals and try to spread our Love to Help them! We can only reach as many despite our continuous efforts of evangelizing on the marketplace, the street, the mall. Before we can reach all the unsaved, some of them may be lost for good. Radium therapies provide us with a tool to slow down the homosexual plague among the unsaved and give them a chance to hear us before it is too late. It is unnecessary for True Christians™ to use the radium products, but if we can re-introduce them, I am sure that they will find avid consumers also among our Brethren and Sisters. Let us see what was available in the 1930's and what were the benefits of these particular products! I'm so excited!
First, the therapies to fight sodomy!
The suppositories! Praise Jesus! Instead of inserting a throbbing tallywhacker into one's dérrière, an aspiring sodomite will use these light-emitting extracts of the essence of pure Christ that decays into ionizing radiation that is lethal to the rectal demons. In addition, they can help you restore the "sex power" needed to consummate the repulsive but necessary monthly heterosexual act to produce offspring as ordered by Jesus (Genesis 1:28).
Radium Condoms! Glory to God! I know that no True Christian™ ever uses birth control (Genesis 1:28), but for the repenting homer, who still succumbs into occasional bouncing or the experimenting teen it can protect the active partner from being exposed to rectal demons until a preacher is available.
Radium water. Thank you, Jesus! It (remember John 7:38) will not only help control the ailments listed in the above image (when waiting for a suitable preacher), it would also protect the person from being afflicted irrevocably by the oral joys that homosexuals sodomites also practice.
Radio-active chocolate and butter! Praise God! All the intestine - the organ most susceptible to sodomistic pleasures - can be kept relatively clean during the period when a sodomite starts to question his/her activities but a preacher has not yet exorcised them!
What if the worst has happened and a sodomite or a harlot woman has engaged in unnatural oral acts and consumed the seeds of new soldiers for Christ! Radium toothpaste! Jesus Saves! While this cannot totally save a sinner, it may help to minimize the effects of fornication until definite help arrives in the form of a True Christian™ man and the Bible!
Radium cigarettes! By the Grace of God! Sometimes during the buccal act of unnaturality, a badly-timed inhalation may cause the entry of demonic entities through the airways. These health-promoting products can once again delay the onset of total depravity!
No, we have not forgotten the children! The most susceptible, the most fragile of creatures, who we must guard against sodomistic influences until they reach the age of Repentance. Praise Jesus (Mark 7:27)! With this radium wool and heaters our women can knit healthy and glowing sweaters to our babies and keep them protected during meals!
And no woman will turn into a female homosexual if she uses the radium-based beauty products.
Are there side-effects? Of course there are! Radium causes diverse malignant tumors but once the person is Saved, these cancers can be taken care of (Matthew 10:8) or if the ex-homer perishes, his place is Heaven is still secure (Romans 8:39). It's a real win-win situation.
For our preachers and exorcists who have to shake hands with sinners I recommend the following product of lush, creamy and soothing soap:
Exodus 30:21
So they shall wash their hands and their feet, that they die not: and it shall be a statute for ever to them, even to him and to his seed throughout their generations.
Where is the scientific evidence, I hear you say! Has the Creation Science Department verified these hypotheses? I can assure you that we have. Who is the manliest man ever?! Who's the most shining example of heterosexual manhood in Eternity?! It's Jesus! Let's ask Him!
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
Can radium help us attain this Godly Goal? Jesus will tell you the answer if you look at the image below!
Praise Jesus! I rest my case!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
PS. For our pianists and organistics, please rehearse the following nice tune for our next meeting!
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