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  • #16
    Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

    Originally posted by satantouchesme View Post
    Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
    Because the Bible says so. Wasting His seed is wrong. Reading the Bible is fundemental.
    Remember at least God loves you.
    Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 01-29-2010, 12:20 PM.
    Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
    Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
    Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
    Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
    Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
    Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

    Comment

    • #17
      Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

      But I have more then one seed :S

      Comment

      • #18
        Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

        Originally posted by satantouchesme View Post
        Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
        Here's a clue: I named my budgerigar Onan because he kept spilling his seed.
        Attached Files
        True Christians are Perfect!

        Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

        Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

        For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.

        Comment

        • #19
          Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

          Originally posted by satantouchesme View Post
          Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
          Genesis 38:9-10 (King James Version)


          9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

          10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.


          Leviticus 26:27-29

          27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
          28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
          29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

          Comment

          • #20
            Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

            I would like to order a shirt for myself. Do you have them available in husky XXXL size? I'm willing to pay more if it's a special order.

            Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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            • #21
              Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

              Those look like some snazzy T-shirts, Brother Larry! Please put my name down for a couple of smalls, please. I'd like to get my Christmas shopping for my family out of the way while I can....not to mention my anniversary with my wife is coming up (I think? ).

              By the way, can these t-shirts count towards my monthly tithing to the church?

              Thanks!
              Matthew 7:15
              Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

              Comment

              • #22
                Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                I will not need one unless masterbation as a child counts. I have not touched myself since as a lad my father got a switch and taught me the difference between when I was wacking myself and when he was wacking my wicked winky with a willow branch. (say that fast five times)

                Thank God for True Christian(tm) parenting! Glory!

                -ND

                Comment

                • #23
                  Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                  Originally posted by Jed_Cassidy View Post

                  By the way, can these t-shirts count towards my monthly tithing to the church?

                  Thanks!
                  No.

                  Speaking of which, you still owe December's tithing payment. Because of late fees and interest, it stands at $421.58 as of today.

                  I'd hate to see that '93 F-150 of yours get in an unfortunate accident because God decided to punish you for not tithing to your church. It would be such a pity...

                  Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                  Comment

                  • #24
                    Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                    I love masturbating. And it's better than church!! Whenever I missed a day of church even back when I went, I would use the opprotunity to get off in privacy.

                    Comment

                    • #25
                      Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                      Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                      No.

                      Speaking of which, you still owe December's tithing payment. Because of late fees and interest, it stands at $421.58 as of today.

                      I'd hate to see that '93 F-150 of yours get in an unfortunate accident because God decided to punish you for not tithing to your church. It would be such a pity...
                      Oh yes, sorry Reverend, I understand completely. The Christmas season took quite a toll on me (had to buy decorations for the house), but I know that's no excuse for the late payment.

                      I'll write a check immediately. Do you want me to make it out to the church, or is this one of those special "straight-to-Jesus" tithes you told me about that I should write out directly to you?

                      Thanks for the reminder Reverend!
                      Matthew 7:15
                      Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

                      Comment

                      • #26
                        Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                        Originally posted by TheLegitMan View Post
                        I love masturbating. And it's better than church!! Whenever I missed a day of church even back when I went, I would use the opprotunity to get off in privacy.
                        Would you be so kind as to burn your house down for us? Thank you.
                        5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                        To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                        James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                        Comment

                        • #27
                          Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                          Originally posted by TheLegitMan View Post
                          I love masturbating. And it's better than church!! Whenever I missed a day of church even back when I went, I would use the opprotunity to get off in privacy.
                          Dear Godmocking Queer;

                          Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and being sodomized by strangers in public toilets to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

                          Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
                          5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
                          5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
                          Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

                          YIC,

                          --Pastor Ezekiel
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                          Comment

                          • #28
                            Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                            I ride with some brothers that struggle with this daily! Exactly how long do you have to quit this Onanistic behavior to be considered an "ex"?
                            Numbers 31:53- "For the men of war had taken booty,every man for himself."

                            Comment

                            • #29
                              Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                              Originally posted by Muttthepreacher View Post
                              I ride with some brothers that struggle with this daily! Exactly how long do you have to quit this Onanistic behavior to be considered an "ex"?
                              Some would say 20 minutes. But in truth, your status as an ex-masturbator is between you and your God, who watches your every move.
                              sigpic

                              I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

                              Comment

                              • #30
                                Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                                I had a shirt similar to that made for myself a few years back after I started my "Touch Jesus, Not Yourself" program at my Church. It went over very well.
                                Matthew 19:13
                                Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. The Reverend Buddy


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