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  • #1

    The Beavers on Noah's Ark

    I get so many questions about LBC as I go about Freehold every day. While we are a Christian community, I can assure that tucked in among our Jesus-loving citizens are some skeptics.

    When I stopped by the Senior Center for coffee yesterday one of the skeptics, an older woman, raced over to challenge me with her newest bogus argument that the Bible is not the True Word of God. It was, "If there really was a Noah's Ark, with animals of every kind on board, why didn't the beavers gnaw through the wall of the ark and make it sink?"

    She did not know I have been asked that question before and consulted our pastors. I told her, "Noah pulled some teeth before the beaver pair went on board." Seeing the defeated look on her face made my day.
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
    Tags: animal, animal abuse, beaver, beaver in the bible, noah, noah's ark
  • #2
    Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

    Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
    She did not know I have been asked that question before and consulted our pastors. I told her, "Noah pulled some teeth before the beaver pair went on board." Seeing the defeated look on her face made my day.
    Good one, Mr. Mayor! You should warn her joke that someone might pull her teeth out if she asks any more silly questions.
    If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

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    • #3
      Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

      Excellent Biblical exegesis Mayor Hold. I often find that atheist try to challenge our faith by attacking the idea that there were really two of every animal. They simply can't accept that one ark contained a pair of pandas/unicorns/Australian Aborigines/giraffes/polar bears/llamas/velociraptors and so on. I even had one Darwinist ask me where Noah fit the humpback whales - fish didn't need to get on the ark dumbass.
      I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
      Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
      But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
      From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

        I always wondered why the dragons didn't burn the Ark. Apparently Noah fed them a lot of Alka Seltzer.
        The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

          I always thought that Noah kept the beavers and unicorns above the waterline. I didn't realize that the beavers had a dedentition process. It should have been obvious to me that this was the case as a workplace safety issue on The Ark. Were the 2 unicorns dehorned to prevent inadvertent damage and punctures to the sides of The Ark when they swished their heads? Or were the unicorns thrown overboard to prevent more damage to The Ark? Maybe that's why there is a severe lack of unicorns these days, compared to all the other animals on The Ark. There's still plenty of beavers, depending on where you look.

          Phil
          58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


          Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

            Originally posted by Phil Ander View Post
            I always thought that Noah kept the beavers and unicorns above the waterline. I didn't realize that the beavers had a dedentition process. It should have been obvious to me that this was the case as a workplace safety issue on The Ark.
            Phil
            I think you are right, Brother Phil, in that Noah would have planned carefully and would have considered putting destructive animals above the water line. But when he considered holes in the side during rain 24/7 for over a month, he would have decided against it.

            The unicorns remain a mystery. Perhaps they were eaten by Noah and his family or fed to the lions. They would have presented a safety problem for sure.
            Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

              The marsupial beaver has venomous fangs, conveniently (for it) located on the hind legs. Scurrying for the day's ration of worms or bamboo, how easy it would be for an innocent creature to be jabbed and die in horrible agony! There were more of the clean animals taken on board so that Noah would have some to kill for God after they landed safely as a thank-you sacrifice. If any of those perished, the numbers would come up short – and God is very specific on which and how many animals need to be sacrificed. Carrots are not an acceptable alternative and, if offered, would necessitate a stern response.

              So I imagine, perhaps I'm being foolish, that God would have calmed these things so that nothing got envenomed. Perhaps, since there seem to be plenty surviving the flood, opium poppies could have been used?

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

                Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                The marsupial beaver has venomous fangs,
                The Good Lord made most things in Australia venomous. It was a hint to avoid the place which was only suitable for sinners as an introduction to Hell.
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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                • #9
                  Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

                  Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
                  I get so many questions about LBC as I go about Freehold every day. While we are a Christian community, I can assure that tucked in among our Jesus-loving citizens are some skeptics.

                  When I stopped by the Senior Center for coffee yesterday one of the skeptics, an older woman, raced over to challenge me with her newest bogus argument that the Bible is not the True Word of God. It was, "If there really was a Noah's Ark, with animals of every kind on board, why didn't the beavers gnaw through the wall of the ark and make it sink?"

                  She did not know I have been asked that question before and consulted our pastors. I told her, "Noah pulled some teeth before the beaver pair went on board." Seeing the defeated look on her face made my day.
                  While I'll never question the inerrant Word of God as transcribed in the Holy Bible (fools folly) I have to wonder why the obviously senile old bat was not dealt with for making such inflammatory comments,
                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark

                    I never liked beavers. They're hairy and smelly and wet and full of diseases. Disgusting!
                    The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

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