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  • #16
    Re: How can pirates be stopped?

    We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.
    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: How can pirates be stopped?

      Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
      We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.
      If they melt, we can just sell them to the wogs as make-up. They'll be impressed either way.
      O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



      God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: How can pirates be stopped?

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        The Board of Deacons is holding an emergency meeting on Saturday to discuss this matter further. I'm going to propose we send Brother Wide-Open and Brother Temperance to establish a second True Christian™ homeland, where the Holy KJV Bible is the law of the land! GLORY!!!
        Excellent idea Pastor. I'm quite used to having no government, no police force, no president, no armies, and savages all around me. So count me in!

        PS: can I go by plane? It somehow seems safer.
        Psalm 81:10:
        I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
        open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: How can pirates be stopped?

          I would like to volunteer. I have experience at sea and I am very good with firearms as well as a compound bow which is fairly quiet for when stealth is an option.
          Matthew:
          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


          sigpic

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          • #20
            Re: How can pirates be stopped?

            As much as I’d like to accompany you younger Brothers on this Godly mission, two things conspire against it:

            1)I have to prepare for the Bathfire Vivisection Lecture on “Chinchillas, the Animal that is Immune from Pain.”
            2)I felt a twinge in my back the other day and fear I might be more of a liability than an asset were I to go anywhere foreign.

            Nevertheless, I feel I must do something for this Godly endeavor, therefore I have set myself the task of designing and creating a monument to those will give their lives for God in Somalia.

            The thrust of the design will be cast in bronze and will depict a frenzied crown of demented jigaboos (some with eye-patches and/or parrots) hacking a True Christian to Death (Pastor Wide O has kindly agreed to pose) with machetes (piccaninnies in the background will be eating entrails) – Above, there will be a cloud with a hole in it through which a Perfectly formed finger will point, as if at the moment of smiting.

            (This won’t be a cheap affair, so all donations gratefully received.)
            sigpic


            “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

            Author of such illuminating essays as,
            Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: How can pirates be stopped?

              So I did. Brother Bathfire, was this when we were experimenting with single malts to test their quality as demon repellents?

              If so, we, um, need to talk.

              Matthew 7:22
              Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
              Psalm 81:10:
              I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
              open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
                So I did. Brother Bathfire, was this when we were experimenting with single malts to test their quality as demon repellents?

                If so, we, um, need to talk.
                Don’t worry Brother Wide O, there is no shame in nakedness when it is in the service of The Lord and anyway, there’s not much visible of your male member, which has already been hacked off and being waved aloft.

                PS I rather think that the Laphroaig 30 you tested caused demons rather than repelled them and I have excluded it from further testing. I’ve also wiped the tape clean for fear of upsetting Pastor Zeke; you were clearly possessed.
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                  Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                  We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.
                  Natives melt?
                  www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
                  Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

                  Christian Ladies:
                  Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                    Originally posted by JennyD View Post
                    Natives melt?
                    Given the right temperature, yes.
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                      I blame the missionaries who were in charge of converting these heathen Somalians. They obviously didn't do a very good job of opening their eyes to Christ. Although, the missionaries were most likely Catholic, so how can you expect their converts to commit anything other than violence and thievery?

                      I'm a big believer in the power of prayer. Perhaps if we all prayed to Jesus, He would see fit to convince these pirates to throw down their rocket launchers and return to their villages.
                      A baby is a human being, not a stem cell!

                      Psalm 139:19-20
                      Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
                      For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                        I see our Godly Navy SEALS® took out the skinny pirates today and saved the fine American captain of the cargo ship.

                        Great Job !!


                        Leviticus 26:27-29

                        27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                        28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                        29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                          Originally posted by SayvedByTheLord View Post
                          I see our Godly Navy SEALS® took out the skinny pirates today and saved the fine American captain of the cargo ship.

                          Great Job !!
                          I am not at liberty to say much on this subject, but I will say this; Pastor Pistle is back home and safe. And he still has it.
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                            The communists are already blaming the United States for the pirates in Somalia:
                            Pirates and Mercenaries and Islamists, Oh My! By Joseph Huff-Hannon From the January 16, 2009 issue | Posted in International | Email this article NUCLEAR WASTE DUMPING, FISH POACHING AND U.S.-BACK…
                            May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                              And now the pirates are threatening the US and France!

                              Two pirates in Somalia vowed revenge Monday, after the U.S. military killed three pirates and freed a U.S. ship captain who had been held hostage for several days.


                              The military actions angered Ali Nur, a pirate who is based in Gara'ad, a coastal village in the semi-autonomous region of Puntland, in northern Somalia.

                              "From now on, after the killings by the U.S. and France, we will add some harsher steps in our dealings with hostages, particularly American and French hostages," Nur told a journalist.

                              The U.S. military acknowledged Sunday that its actions to rescue Phillips could increase the risk of violence.

                              "This could escalate violence in this part of the world. No question about it," U.S. Navy Vice Adm. Bill Gortney told reporters.

                              Nur issued a warning to the United States.

                              "The killing of our boys was aggression, and the U.S. will see what they get from their operation," he said.
                              www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
                              Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

                              Christian Ladies:
                              Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: How can pirates be stopped?

                                Originally posted by JennyD View Post
                                And now the pirates are threatening the US and France!

                                http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa...ef=mpstoryview
                                To be fair to the spear-chucking savages, you can hardly blame them for being angry. They've just been defeated by the French. Can you imagine how that must feel?
                                O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                                God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                Comment

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